Is dating a woman who's seperated but not yet divorced OK?
She's been seperated since Febuary of this year. So soon to be 6 months and she has to wait 4 more months before she can file the divorce because she moved back home from another state. We aren't real serious and I wouldn't consider it dating but we have fun and I don't want to screw anything up. Her husband has been living with another girl since Feb. and we're not shacking up, lol, anytime soon. We've only been communicating for 2 months. I've told her she needs her space and to find out what she really wants in a partner and that might take a while for her to figure out. She's got a good head on her and some people are better at this stuff than others, I for one was a mess after my divorce. Ok, should I wait or is going out every once in awhile ok to do.
- bookshop_ladyLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
Nope. It isn't okay. Like it or not, she is still legally married and she is off limits. Emotionally, she is still invested in her marriage. She has a lot of grieving to do, a lot of baggage to handle, and the entire divorce process to go through. She's a LONG way from being ready to date.
I'll tell you what I've told everyone who ask similar questions. When my husband and I got married, there were 14 couples in our circle of extended family/friends who all got married within about a 15- or 18-month period. A year or two later the babies started arriving, and about a year after that the divorces started. (Hubby and I and one other couple are the only ones still married, nearly 30 years later.) What we observed among our friends, and what we have seen repeatedly endlessly among coworkers and classmates and neighbors, is that 3 years seems to be the magic number. The people whose divorce had been FINAL for at least 2 years before they started dating and at least 3 years before they remarried, are the people whose second marriages lasted. The people who started dating within the first year after a divorce was final, and who remarried within 3 years, usually went through a second divorce within 5 years. It didn't matter how long they were legally separated before the divorce was final. Until that final decree is issued, many people never begin to deal with their baggage from their marriage.
So don't "date" this woman. She doesn't need a boyfriend right now. Rebound relationships are never a good idea. She DOES need friends. So if the two of you can hang out AS FRIENDS, and spend lots of time in groups of people instead of being alone together, you'll both be better off in the long run. Then in a couple of years, when she truly is emotionally ready to date someone, you'll have a couple of years of solid friendship under your belts. You'll know each other quite well. And you'll know by then whether or not this is a woman you want to date and be serious about.
Good for you for recognizing that she needs time to heal and time to think.
- 1 decade ago
Sounds like you too have a very good head on your shoulders
You have but a lot of thought into what is right and what is wrong
Being her friend and hanging out is fine as yes she does need some time.You have given her both space and time sounds like your a nice guy.Yes if your fond of her then I don't see any harm in seeing her when you can every once in a while how knows it could turn into something deeper.I say if you really like her and have a good time with her then going out with her is fine.But remember she still is carring bagage
and hurt from her marriage break up.So with all this keep in mind your her friend till the divorce is final after that it you still
feel she is free from her passed and has gotten over her x completely then I say go for it and one never knows she may make you a nice wife or companion.~Good luck ~Be Happy life is short!
- Warren DLv 71 decade ago
Personally I wouldn't do it. That doesn't mean you can't be friends and maybe spend some time together, but it should clearly be non-dating time.
Couple of reasons. First, she has a legal issue pending if she's going to file for divorce. Her husband could have grounds to make some noises if he finds out she's dating. Are there children involved? This could affect custody.
Second, the divorce could be delayed, or they could end up reconciling. Not likely, but possible.
Wait until she has at least filed for divorce. Are you in a state which allows for legal separation? In some states you are technically not separated until a petition for divorce has been filed. Some states don't even have legal separation. Make sure you know the laws if you decide to get serious.
Finally, having been divorced yourself this ain't your first rodeo. Your instincts sound pretty good. Take it slow. If this is right things will work out.
- GentlemanLv 71 decade ago
Never date anyone before the previous relationship has been dealt with . There is a lot of baggage's there and need to be dealt with before dating anyone . You built a relationship on solid rock and not on a sand foundation , it may work and may not . I wouldn't wait for anyone to see if they come out OK from their divorce , but I would move on . She may be on the rebound . Good luck
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- 1 decade ago
I'm sorry but if she wants to get divorced she will do it you don't necessarily have to live in the same state as husband to divorce him. Me and my ex lived in different states and got divorced . It is a lot more expensive I know if the person filling out of state does it but its worth it. Unless of course she is waiting for her spouse to change and give him a second chance and you are ready to start another screwed relationship just to realize this one was also a mess. I don't know they are a lot more fish in the pond and one who makes excuses is not worth catching .
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Yes, it is fine to date. She is seperated with no intentions of getting back with her husband. She has not yet but will file for divorce. Go for it. You seem to enjoy each others company on occasion so why not. Good Luck.
- 1 decade ago
I feel its ok but be careful that you don't get too serious because you could just get hurt. You never know about these seperation, she may decide to get back with her husband. Good Luck on your decision
- MeggieLv 51 decade ago
No i dont think its not right but wait till devorece so as u can be seriose with her en learn her first u never know what made her ger devorced
- ?Lv 41 decade ago
Becareful..........try not to fall in love, it hurts like a SOB when, they realize you maybe just the rebound. I've known people that do this separation thing for like a year and go back, it's their............"get out and jail card in the marriage for freedom".........go back and it's like nothing happened.
Approach with caution......slippery when wet and ink's not dry.
- 1 decade ago
I would not date or talk to anyone until my divorce was final. That's just me.
If you like her, I suggest waiting and telling her do not contact you until the divorce is final.
That's just me, and how my grandfather would have answered this.