There are plenty of people with both types of opinions
(i.e. cheating wife disgusting pig;
cheating husband=disgusting pig;
cheating wife=not being taken care of by the husband;
cheating husband=not being taken care of by the wife).
You'll find plenty of people who think they're both disgusting pigs for cheating, and plenty of others who think both must have been missing something in the marriage. You'll also find people who will regard a man cheating as not as bad as a woman cheating, and people who will regard a woman cheating as not as bad as a man cheating. It's classic blame-the-victim mentality, served up with a heap of double standard. For the people who use a double standard, you'll have to take it up with them--they're hypocrites. But in any case, obviously, people saying that the wife must have been missing something in the marriage hit a nerve with you, because the last thing you want in the world is for someone to blame YOU for your wife betraying you in this heinous way! In my opinion, regardless of what problems are going on in the marriage, cheating is not excused. You don't get a pass to cheat just because your husband doesn't make you feel loved or you resent your wife's career or whatever the excuse may be. And it automatically assumes that the cheater is a rational, reasonable, honorable person, too. Unfortunately, people don't divide up that way. Plenty of people cheat NOT because they're missing something in the marriage, but because they're missing something in THEMSELVES that no marriage can fix.