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修改英文作文,有關Altruism

這是我練習托福的作文文章

希望有人可以幫我批改一下哪裡有文法錯誤

或是要朝哪個方向寫

比較適合托福的模式

文章如下:

  Given the arguments between the lecturer and the author about that human beings and animals are altruism or selfishness to the end, from the passage, it mentions that humankinds, even animals, will scarify themselves to assist those who need help without reward; however, the listening part casts a skeptical spotlight on the perspective, and there are some points of different views between two parts will be elaborated in the following paragraphs.

  To begin with, the author show an example that the unselfish animal, meerkat, without eating anything, will guard the other members when they are searching for food. When the predators approach, the guarding meerkat will alarm the others, and made itself in danger. Nevertheless, the lecturer draws a totally different picture about the sentinel, and he cites some findings that the sentinel had already filled its stomach before it worked. Beside, the protecting meerkat is on the most accessible way to the niche; in other words, when the meerkat alarm a sign to warm the companions, it could run swiftly to shelter, and it will be the safest one.

  Next go would be, when it come to human organ donors, the author confirms that the donator gains nothing from their action and it is a disinterested behavior. On the other side, the lecture claims that the one who donated his organ will gain good reputation and appreciation as a result of such acts; hence, it could not be regard as altruism.

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  • 1 decade ago
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    Given the arguments between the lecturer and the author about whether human beings and animals are altruistic or selfish, evaluation is needed for both arguments to come to a valid conclusion. From the passage, it is mentioned that humankinds and animals will sacrifice themselves to assist those who need help without reward; however, the listening part (what?) casts a skeptical spotlight on the perspective, and there are opposing views between the two sides of the argument and this will be elaborated in the following paragraphs.

      To begin with, the author shows an example that an unselfish animal such as the meerkat will guard the other members when they are searching for food. When the predators approach, the guarding meerkat will alarm the others, which would in effect make itself in danger. Nevertheless, the lecturer draws a totally different picture about the sentinel, and he cites some findings that the sentinel had already filled its stomach before it worked (what?). Besides, the protecting meerkat is in close vicinity to the niche; in other words, when the meerkat alarms a signal to warn its companions, it could run swiftly to shelter in time.

      In the next argument, it comes to determine whether human organ donation is a behaviour of altruism demonstrated by human. the author believes that the donor gains nothing from their action and it is a disinterested behavior. On the other side, the lecture claims that the one who donated his/her organ will gain good reputation and appreciation as a result of such act; hence it could not be regarded as demonstration of altruism.

    2008-07-16 14:52:34 補充:

    you really need to come up with a planner sheet before u start writing out of memory of the article (presumably) u've been reading.. analytical essay is about written structures which may be the thing you lack of..

    2008-07-16 14:52:38 補充:

    try sort things out like put things in dot points beforehand and u would find things fit nicely in place, that is it would be a more coherent read. u dont hav a conclusion

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