Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 1 decade ago

I committed the ultimate no no...I got involved with someone before he filed for divorce.?

We have been in a committed relationship for almost 2 yrs. He says there are complications that make divorce harder for his situation. We live together. He and his estranged wife still have combined accts, assets, credit cards, cars - a completely combined fiscal life. He still supports her emotionally as she admittedly suffers from depression, last Christmas she was Backer Acted and it just seems to never end.

The hardest part for me is that I have been intimately involved in his family structure, he has two small children that are loved and immersed in our "new" family. However, they are completely neglected while in her care. They are not fed, bathed and left alone while she runs errands. I have forced his hand in reporting her to the authorities as I truly believe the children are in danger. I just don't know why he is unable to file and protect his own children or to open himself to the love and life that we share.

I don't know where to go from here...

8 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Omg, you´ve been had. He wants to eat the cake and still have it. Make him cut the ties with his ex and report her to the authorities. If he dont want to do that prepare for heartache

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, your tagline says it all. 'Twas a BIG no-no. And what you describe to me seems to indicate that he still has not completely separated himself emotionally from the marriage. I have a sinking feeling that you may almost be a surrogate wife, a direct replacement for his spouse. And as far as "complications" go, the only real complication in this case, so far as a divorce is concerned, is custody of the kids. The accounts, assets, credit cards, cars, etc., are divided up by the court and the respective divorce attorneys, and unless he is the pasha of his own tiny island kingdom someplace, this should not take two years. I am presuming from what you say that he is dragging his feet about filing for divorce, for all of these nonsense reasons (except custody, which is never nonsense).

    I hate to tell you this, but this guy is most likely not the prince you were looking for. If he started looking for, and began, a relationship with you before he severed ties with the last one, and all this time later STILL hasn't cut ties, what makes you think that in the long run you'll be any different? I am really sorry, but you are getting played by a loser. If he can't sort out a divorce, and TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILDREN, then he is a loser par excellence. You would be better off if you walked today.

    You may need some counselling to help you decide what to do. If you are torn, give yourself that gift, and get help.

    My prayers are with you.

    Source(s): Read the papers. Ask Dr. Laura. See a counselor. I think they will agree.
  • 1 decade ago

    You are a truly cruel woman to be in these poor kids' lives. Divorce is terrible on children and to shack up with a dad, an obvious loser here, with kids sets an incredibly poor example for them

    Put your selfishness aside for a moment. How do you think these kids feel with their family torn apart? There is a reason children of divorce are substantially more likely to commit suicide, become criminals, have substance problems, etc.

    You help send the message to these kids that shacking up is just fine and marriage doesn't mean anything. You are nothing but a common home wrecker.

    Those kids no doubt grieve for their family breakup, whether or not they talk about it. In fact, they are unlikely to since kids of divorce seek to please their parents. It is very, very sad.

    Mom and dad should reunite the family and dad should get mom the mental health care she needs. You should get yourself OUT of these poor children's' lives.

    Only ~35% of non-first marriages with children involved last. Even if you continue to indulge your absolute selfishness and narsiccism the odds are way, way against you in the end.

    You are nothing but a really lousey person and you should be ashamed of yourself. BTW, dad's a loser, too, just like you are, for not doing right by his family.

    People like you are evidence of our severe cultural decline.

  • 1 decade ago

    For the children's sake, please report her... If she is suffering from depression then she is not fit to handle the kids, that should make getting custody simple, which I think is the next step.

    You say he is living with you and is supporting her that's good of him, but not to smart of not dividing the financial assets.

    Try suggesting a post nuptial agreement for them to sign to make the divorce much easier.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Herb
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    It sounds like he will never divorce his wife. You need to take a step back and let him resolve his marital problems before getting more entangled in this mess. You don't want to waste time with a guy who won't fully commit to you. You deserve better. Good Luck. :-)

  • 1 decade ago

    Ahh. Well all I can say is need to get out of this and tell him to come back to you once (if ever) he gets his life back on track. They are not your kids so forget the mommy/family stuff for right now. Break away and if it was meant to be he'll come back to you. Why do you want so much baggage anyway?????

  • 1 decade ago

    You shouldn't have started dating a MARRIED man in the first place.

  • 1 decade ago

    i think he amy has some feeling or may feel responcable for the situation that his wife is in. see if you guys can gain more custody so that there at least taken care of more ofter.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.