CaseyD.T asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

You guys might of read my first poem...How do you like this one?

Title:My wish apon a star

I wish for something better in my life,

I can't wait to see what it is!

It comes to me...a small star,

I put in my pocket but it sets free!

Mother tell me to look up in the sky...

I see my star!

Very,Very far!

I make a wish apon a star...

Please come back down to earth...

In the crack of dawn,

I walk toward the pond.

I see a shiny thing from a tree

Glissining just for me...

I snatch it before it flies away,

Saying what I'm trying to say

It's time to let go...

So I did

My star flew up in the sky one still night,

That's just the beginning

I made a wish...apon a star

4 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yep underwhelming, liked the alternate spellings, I guess they were deliberate?

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you are on a good start. It is a nice little poem. However I hate to tell you that you need to work on your grammar and spelling.

    You wrote:

    It comes to me...a small star

    It should read: It came to me...a small star

    You wrote:

    I put it in my pocket but it sets free

    I'm not sure I understand what you meant. Did you set it free or did it escape from you?

    You wrote:

    I make a wish apon a star ...

    It should be:

    I make a wish upon a star...

    Please, you really need to check your spelling and grammar. Make sure that you have subject and verb agreement...

    I hate to be critical. I like the subject of your work, and I think you show promise. If you work out a few of the technical errors you will have a great poem.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You really need to learn how to spell. Completely underwhelming.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    get rid of "so i did" and you are using ... way too make try getting rid of some of the unnessassry ones

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.