Can you guys tell me what you think of my story so far?

Im starting to make a book based on a teenage vampire love story. So far im still working on the intro and this is all i got. Click on the link to see.

http://www.quizilla.com/stories/7423938/so-the-leg...

Tell me what you think.

Update:

Remember folks, this is just the intro. I havent even began the story that i want to tell. And its not gonna be the same old vampire story either. I've made a few changes to this story.

9 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    1. the vampire genre is dead. dead and gone. there is no such thing as originality in vampire romance world unless you're an amazing genius, which i seriously doubt. don't worry, i'm not either. :)

    2. too much description bogged down the narrative. did we really need to know the color of rosalia's dresses? or everything about her appearance all smushed into one paragraph?

    3. is this supposed to be about how dracula became a vampire? interesting thought...if he did it for love..but it sounds much too juvenile right now. try something you can relate to better. this one sounded much too overdone.

    sorry that was all criticism, but when it comes to writing, that's what you really need.

  • Kari
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I hope I don't sound harsh.. But the use of calling a character "Dragula" isn't creative at all. And from what you have so far, it seems why too close to those Twilight books. Try coming up with something completely different and make it your own! I'm sure you could do a good job with it. Good luck with your story!

    PS- As for what that one girl said, obviously what she's saying is untrue. Vampire love stories are very popular lately. And it doesn't matter if your idea is popular or not.. Only if it turns out how you want it to. So don't let the negative answers get you down.

    Source(s): I'm a vampire fan and read ANYTHING based on them.
  • 4 years ago

    Hey Your description, and emphasis in emotion is really good As for the main character I think she's toooo all that, too popular. There isn't a person on Earth that everybody likes, just sort of adjust it to that generally I was popular or something like that. There was a time in my life where everything was perfect. Where I didn’t have to worry about much. These two sentences should be joined, to make: There was a time in my life where everything was perfect, where I didn’t have to worry about much. You say once: I used to be a confident girl, which made me pretty. In the next sentence you say: I didn’t walk around the school like I was ‘the ****’, I just walked around being me – and confident about it. Maybe change the second confident to happy I never intended for it to change, until the eleventh grade – Where my whole life shattered into small little pieces, and no one was there to help me pick them up. The 'W' in the where shouldn't be capital “Alright, mom. Know when you’ll be back?” And she’d always say “I’ll text you”. The second dialogue should be on a new loine, as with in the second last paragraph “I’m sorry” I rolled my eyes “But you need to get up because –“ This should be: “I’m sorry.” I rolled my eyes. “But you need to get up because –“ I decided to be the bigger person and walk out of her room saying in a stern voice “Be out of bed in twenty”. This should be I decided to be the bigger person and walk out of her room saying in a stern voice, “Be out of bed in twenty”. This happens in a few other places, remember there should be a comma Keep writing, you're good, just watch for the things above Hope I helped :) xx

  • 1 decade ago

    it ok but its to much like the real dracula and the other vampire stories good luck though. i like it but try to make it more original.oh yeah and if you want to make it really good try putting more gore and enthusiasm in it and not as much description but you pretty much got the picture. i hope it turns out good and youve got a good start.

    and as for what the other girl said that is untrue everybody is reading vampire love stories right now.so dont listen to her.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Kim, honey, no one wants to read a vampire love story. No offense, but there are about 16 different types on the market right now.

    Come up with a more original idea...

  • 1 decade ago

    it's ok. it's not very original though. i've read the twilight books and i loved them. after reading them, i don't think i'll ever find a better vampire love story.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No offense, but it seems too similar to the Twilight series. Tweek it a little!

  • 1 decade ago

    few grammer mistakes and it dragged a little but then got interesting could be a good story

  • 1 decade ago

    i think its really creative. and you know what you could write what ever YOU feel like writting. So keep it up cause i want to read it ALL. Good luck.

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