i need help realy bad please help me (short)?
i feel so bad my husbands ready to start having a family but im not ready we have only been married for 2 months and i just finshed school and im looken for a job we want 3 kids and im 24 and hes 28 hes fixen to be 29 and he realy wants to start having kids so we got in a huge fight about it and he was like were not having sex then if u dont want kids write now so ive been on the pill and he found out and now hes staying at his brothers house and wont come home how do i get him to forgive me and come home
i just finshed school and he ownes his work so we have money
i want kids when were 100% setteld i dont want to bring a kid into a un stable home
- nonameblondeLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
So you tricked him and put youself on the pill without his knowledge. Honey, it is ultimately your decision. He sounds selfish right now to me. If you're not ready for kids, then so be it. Give yourself some time. Having them is not easy and you need to be in the right frame of mind. Talk to him about it. Tell him, "Why are you pressuring me? Don't you think we'd both be better parents when we're both ready to have them? I'm just not ready right now. It's not that I don't love you or it's not that I don't want them, I just need more time."
- 1 decade ago
Well, keeping it a secret that you were on the pill is a betrayalto him. That is something that you should have communicated to him so he would see where you are comming from and the two of you could have been apart of the decision. You may be able to work out some kids of time frame, but I can tell you... If you are waiting till you are financially set, you will never have kids. Life comes and goes at you very fast, and that is just something that you will have to look at. I think this is something you should have discussed with him before you married him. Not wanting kids is a big thing to some people, and he may not want to be raising teenagers at the age of 65.
- 1 decade ago
although its a personal choice and i dont think you should be bullied into it. Its too late but you should have discussed this prior to the marriage. personally, I wish I would have had children earlier(no kids 29). but there was school then i went back for my masters and then I had to work and didnt want to take off. The point is there will always be something. On the flip side you are newlyweds and its probably a good idea to enjoy each other before you have to devote all your energy into raising the little ones. I am also concerned about his ultimatum. it is a sign of a control freak. figure out what you want and when you want it and try to meet him 1/2 way. his behavior is a serious red flag.
- 1 decade ago
first off if you are not ready to start having kid's then it is the best not to just because your partner wants to, believe me i have seen it a million times and the one that is not ready to usually resinst the child. both of you need to be ready to start a family and if he loves you then he will wait til you are ready to. there isn't anyway you can change his mind about coming back home, let him stay there and think this thing through. sooner or later he will come to his right mind. first off yall have only been married for 2 month's and unless he or you are rich kids then you sure are not stable yet and you 2 need some newlywed time before family comes. just call him up and tell him that you really need to talk to him in person and tell him exactly how you feel and if he really loves you alot then he will come home and except your decision. it is your body and pain not his, if only men could have kids then they would see what we go through. yall need to be stable on yalls feet with good paying jobs before yall start a family and 2 months in marriage is just not anough.Source(s): four very beautiful kids, and expensive to raise but proud parent that I waited til I was ready.
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- pictureshygirlLv 71 decade ago
How do you get him to forgive YOU? He is the one that should be asking for forgiveness. I assume you both talked about this before getting married? If not, you both should have. I think you are being the sensible one. You just finished your school and want to be financially independent before having a family. You both have been married too soon to start a family. As it is he already is showing signs of manipulation and control. Once you have his children things will only get worst. Stand your ground and do not let him manipulate you. If you give in now you will be showing him that manipulating you works for him. Couples set the rules early on just by what you will tolerate and what you will not. I do not feel it is unreasonable for you to ask him to hold out on having children until at least 3 more years. What is his hurry, you both are still young enough to wait.
- mjm52Lv 41 decade ago
Wow !! This is one selfish man! Sorry honey, I know you love him and want him back, but, this is emotional blackmail! When you have a child it is extremely important that you BOTH want this child very badly. You shouldn't get pregnant just to please him or the child will pay the price. You have things you want to do before you start a family and you should have a chance to do them. Even if you didn't just finish school and were looking for a job I think you should wait. A newly married couple needs time to adjust to married life before they start a family. I don't think you should do anything to make him come home. If you do every time he wants you to do something you don't want to do he'll pull this crap. Let him sit there and stew. It's better to go through this now (until he comes to his senses) than have to go through it over and over again. You've married an extremely immature man.
- trulyLv 61 decade ago
I don't know if you guys had agreed upon a time to start making children and you changed your mind or if this was never talked about. Nonetheless, you don't want children at this time. You are well within your rights (its your body) to use birth control. It is totally not fair to bring a child into the mix when you are not ready. You are being very mature in that decision.
Your husband is hurt. I don't know if he is typically the controlling type or not, but it is clear that he doesn't not want to accept your decision. This may be a deal breaker for him. What mature adult runs back to their family when they don't get their way? Sounds kinda childish to me. After being together for just 2 months, you really have nothing to apologize for unless you lied about wanting children.
Meet with your husband and talk to him about what you want to accomplish before you have children. You have to know for yourself when you want to. Either he accepts your wishes or he will either leave you or continue to punish you by withholding sex or other childish games. You may need to go to marriage counseling because this is totally not a good start to your marriage. This is totally not the behavior you want to have in the future father of your children.
- ceLv 41 decade ago
Marriage is partnership and compromise. He should respect your wishes. He'll get a family eventually it sounds like when things are more settled down and he needs to accept that. What's the rush? You need to get a job. It will be worse off for everyone if you guys have kids before BOTH of you are ready.
- Bailey's mom♥Lv 71 decade ago
Do you really want to get him to forgive you??? YOU are NOT doing anything wrong, he is, and the more he acts immature and like a spoiled little brat about this whole "issue", then do you really want to be married to this jerk over something that has not happened yet.
He will not listen to you, he will not communicate to you, he will not talk to you, how can you resolve anything when he is acting this way?? You can't!!!!
Communication is the key in any relationship, and if he is not doing this and acting this way, maby not having children is a good idea, from the sounds of it, you already have a child, your husband.Source(s): Time to re-think your relationship.
- 1 decade ago
So I'm guessing he didn't know you were on the pill. (and you never told him) during which time, he thought you were both trying to start a family. did i get it right? I'd probably would have been pissed also. Did you take the time to talk to him about "when" you wanted to start having kids? By the way, when do you want to start?