Why stay in sexless relationship?

I am really wondering why some people stay in sexually unsatisfying relationships. I know sex isn't everything in a relationship but it IS a symptom of other problems. If those problems aren't being addressed, why stay? Is it just laziness? Fear? Low sex drive? A person just loves misery?


I've notice a few of you saying sex isn't important. I respectfully disagree. When you are in a committed relationship with a person you love and there is no sex at all...I mean no hugs, kisses, no intimate physical contact with that person at all...why stay and YES, that IS a sign of a major problem. I think some of you are viewing sex in a very limited way as intercourse. I should have said intimate contact of all kinds. If your spouse -never- shows you physical love in any way, why stay?

17 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Not having sex is not indicative of other problems. My husband and I went through a dry spell because I had no sex drive. I could have gone months without it. The entire time we were just as happy (in other area's) and never fought and we never having bigger problems in our marriage. My husband is in the Navy and he is constantly gone or weeks and months at a time. In my opinion, this screwed with my libido a little bit. So people stay in when the marriage is good and the sex has nothing to do with it.

  • Sean C
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Here's why.

    My wife and I right now are in a sexual slump. We don't do it half as often as we used to, maybe once a month or less for the past 10 months. It kills me sometimes!! But you know what? we have a so much other good things a bout us that I know it's going to turn around once we get through our little rough patch.

    My X wife and I had sex quite a bit. But She made me down right miserable. I couldnt' stand our relationship anymore, nor could I stand her.

    So yeah sex isn't eveything but you can still put up with it, if you have the right person and you Know that it's not something that is going to last forever.

    My X wife and could have sex forever, but I'd rather NOT have sex and live with a good woman than have sex a lot and have to live with an unspoortive, manipulative, lazy, b*tch all the time!

  • 1 decade ago

    Lack of sex isn't necessarily a symptom of marital issues. It can also be a symptom of certain health issues which can't necessarily be corrected through the miracle of modern medicine. In cases such as these, one learns to adapt. While there may have been a healthy sexual relationship at one time, the friendship, companionship, partnership and loyalty that comes with years of being by someone's side can feel much more valuable and intimate than a sexually satisfying relationship. There's so much more to marriage...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    How about staying in order to address the problem? Laziness, fear, and low sex drives can all be fixed. Failure means giving up before reaching a solution. You propose a permanent solution, leaving, to a temporary problem. I think it makes a lot more sense to stay in the relationship and fix the problem instead of leaving. It's worked in my marriage for the last 21+ years.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    For some sex is not an important thing. Not here but for some. Maybe it becomes more about a special friendship for alot of married couples. Some just don't want to but the time and energy into it. It is different for everyone. This is a very broad question.

    • Mary1 year agoReport

      Kissing and cuddling is not sex, and friends do not kiss and cuddle.

  • 1 decade ago

    Some people blame it on themselves.

    Some people are hoping it will change.

    Some people feel that sex isn't all that important.

    Also, there are stages in life when people have good reasons to have a decreased libido and their spouses are being supportive and understanding.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Its not necessarily a symptom of a problem with the marriage. Most people stay in marriages because they are happier in them, than they are out of them. Also, when you really love someone, you take them for both the good and the bad. I've had to go through open heart surgery with my husband, and he has had to go through Breast Cancer Surgery with me. We have both had to deal with each others fluctuating Libidos. Mine because of being sexually abused by my grandfather between the ages of 4 to 12 and his because of Diabetes. Its real love and a knowledge of what is really important to us that makes us overlook the insignificant.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's not necessarily a "symptom" of anything. Sex may just not be that important. I've had some mind-blowing sex in my life, but I'm totally ok with giving it up if everything else in a relationship is working great. Sex just isn't that terribly important.

    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    My girlfriend has not had sex in like 10 years with her hubby. She doesn't even like him as a person, yet she stays. I think it is fear of change, being to lazy to change, fear of being alone. I do not claim to understand people who think like this. I just find it really sad.

  • .
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Could be any or all of your list...or esp in the case of marriages, because they are honoring their commitment (better or worse) or fear divorce will be worse than lackanookie.

    Personally, if the sex issue couldn't be rectified, I'd be gone. It wouldn't be acceptable long term...

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