Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

cheating husband and second chances?

Has anyone given their cheating husband a second chance? If so, did it work out? Are you still together? Or if you are divorced now, how long did you keep trying to work on it? At which point did you decide it couldnt be saved? THanks

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  • 1 decade ago
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    My husband cheated on me with is ex wife! It was the hardest thing i ever went through. I gave him a second chance because he proved to me that he really wanted to change. His attitude changed and everything. It was a rocky road at first but we got through it. It took about two months for me to decide that i wanted to work things out with him. I had to see him prove himself to me first. Now we have a better marriage than we had before he cheated on me. The thing is, is that people can change if they WANT to. That is the key they have to want to because you cant change anybody and you cant ask them to change it has to be something they want to do on their own. He had to see the error of his ways and really be sorry about it. My friends husband cheated on her and she decided to work things out with her husband to but it was about 7 months after he cheated on her. She needed more time to figure things out. I don't think that you can put a time limit on how long you try to work things out. My stance on it was that i needed to try for myself and if it didn't work out then it wouldn't be my fault and at least i could say to myself that i did my best. Good luck.

  • 5 years ago

    I did. We had a distance thing too. He was gone for 4 months. He cheated while he was gone for about 2 months with a girl he worked with. I gave him a second chance. A few years later-he left again for a work detail for 7 months. He cheated then again too. This time he "fell in love" with her. So, I did give him a second chance and he messed that one up. We also worked different shifts off an on throughout our 9 years of marriage. In my own circle of people, I have never known anyone to give up the cheating. The cheat countless times always saying they will stop. Some people can't handle the time by themselves I guess. But this man is your husband so you know him better than anyone. If you feel that he won't ever do it again, then get into counseling now! I made the mistake of not doing counseling the first time-thinking we could fix it ourselves. But there is an underlying problem with him that he needs to correct and we were not able to get it right. But do not make the mistake of just staying for the child. Make sure that you truly want this to work and that you are really read to forgive him-completely. It is very hard to work through but I think is definitely worth it if you can work things out with your husband. Good luck!

  • C S
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I thin it would depend on why he/she cheated, whether it was reoccuring or just a one-time "oh my god what the hell did I just do" type of thing, and whether or not the spouse was truly remorseful.

    I have this theory that if you asked all of those lovely old couples that have been married for 40+ years whether there was any indescretion, they would all tell you that there was something -- but they decided their marriage was worth saving, and they worked through it. I can't seem to get any of those old couples to admit it, though -- it's the world's best kept secrets.

    Regardless of what happened, you do need to have trust in a relationship. Do you absolutely, positively believe that your spouse is so incredibly remorseful that he would never, ever even come close to doing it again? I do think there is an opportunity for 2nd chances, but I think I'd be reluctant to give a 3rd chance.

    There is no easy answer, nor is there a formula that can apply to any situation.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I was married 15 years to my husband when he cheated on me. I divorced him. He dumped her and begged me to take him back.

    We went to counseling , I forgave him and re-married him. Three years later he is doing it again. Maybe even before that I will never know.

    But I divorced him again and never looked back. I met a great guy about a year after the divorce was final. I wasn't looking.

    We have been happily married 22 years now. My only regret was giving my ex those additional 3 years of my life.

    You have to ask yourself if you can not only forgive but forget. Once the trust is gone it is so hard to make it work. Every time they are late getting home, the phone rings and they hang up on you, or he looks at another woman you will wonder if he is doing it again. And chances are he is.

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  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    Cheating husband and second chances?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I was cheated on 10 years ago and I forgave him. I was able to forget about it for the most part, but he has to want to be there! My husband was very sorry for what he did! Same girl for almost a year! It was a better marriage after the cheating, because I realized how much I wanted him and didn't want anyone else to have him! Present day... I found myself in a similar situation as he was in, I cheated, but as women do, I fell in love with him and don't want to stay in the marriage! He has forgiven me now, but i'm not sure I want to stay!

    Good Luck! It can work but you have to both want it! It's very hard not to cheat! I never ever thought I would!!!

    Source(s): Been there! Both sides!
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    OK THIS IS A TOUGH ONE IM A MALE AND IM NOT GAY BUT I CAN GIVE YOU REALLY GOOD ADVICE ABOUT A DIFFERENT PERSFECTIVE. ONE IM NOT SAYING YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR DID SOMETHING WRONG BUT WHY DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE? WELL TO START I WILL TELL YOU USUALLY A GUY/MAN CHEATS ON HIS WIFE FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS I WILL POINT OUT THE BIG ONES THOUGH. ONE YOUR NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM AS WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED, SO THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT POINT BECAUSE IF YOUR NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO YOU WONT GET HIM TO CHANGE AND THINGS WILL GET WORSER ON THE LONG RUN. ANOTHER IS PERHAPS YOUR SEXUAL LIFE IS NOT BEEN AS GOOD AS IT USED TO BE WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED EITHER BECAUSE HE FEELS HE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU OR VICE VERSA. A MAJOR ONE IS ARE YOU GUYS HAVING ANY FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BELIEVE ME THIS ONE UIS A BIG ONE IF HE FAILS TO MEET THE FINANCIAL NEEDS A THE MAN OF THE HOUSE IT CAN BE QUITE DEPRESSING AND LEADS TO STUPID THINGS. NOW WITH ALL THESE SAID SOME OF THESE CAN BE FIXED BY A LITTLE STRAIGHT UP TALK DONT BEAT AEOUND THE BUSH IN AN ATTEMPT TO AVOID THE QUESTIONS IT IS YOUR FUTURE AFTER ALL, AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AS WELL. DO YOU STILL LOVE; AM I NOT ATTRACTIVE TO YOU ANYMORE; IS THERE ANY PROBLEMS GOING IN YOUR HEAD I NEED TO KNOW? IF HE OPENS UP YOU HAVE IT MADE IF HE DOESNT YOU HAVE TROUBLE AND YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO. UNFORTUNATELY THERE IS ONE MORE WE ARE JUST IDIOTS SOMETIMES AND WE GET CARRIED AWAY THINKING THAT CHEATING ON THE WOMAN THAT WE HAVE COMMITED OURSELVES TO WILL MAKE US FEEL BETTER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT UNFORTUNATELY ITS NOT TRUE. WE TEND TO TOSS OUR HAPPINES ALONG WITH THE HAPPINESS FROM THE WOMAN THAT LOVES AND WELL I HOPE NO CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOES FROM THERE. YOU WILL SEE IN MATTER OF MONTHS IF HE DECIDES TO CHANGE OR HE JUST DONT CARE, IF HE DONT CARE MOVE ON YOUR SECOND CHANCE WILL TURN INTO THE THRID AND FOURTH CHANCE. GOOD LUCK, I HOPE THIS WAS SOME HELP.

    MZ

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i dont see whats the point in giving a cheater a second chance. how is sleeping with someone else an accident? they sneak around the bush, thats why they dont want you to know. so how is that an accident? they knew what they were doing and they expect a second chance? no. thats just rediculous.

    people say people deserve seconds chances that people make mistakes. well what about people who make mistakes on purpose? there is no reason to give them seconds chances, they didnt respect you the first time and they will continue to do it again.

  • 1 decade ago

    I've never been in such a situation but if faced with the problem I would find it hard to trust my spouse again. It will be like walking on eggshells all the time, I'll be miserable and I don't think I can survive an ordeal like that.

  • 1 decade ago

    I decided it couldn't be saved the moment I found out he was cheating and although I was 7 months pregnant at the time and only married 3 months with 3 other kids, I packed up all his sh*t and put him out. It happened almost 10 years ago and was one of the BEST decisions I ever made for me and my kids.

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