what do yall think about my proloug that i made up for a book?

A woman was standing at the edge of a cliff the wind softly swaying her dark hair all around her, she was waving at him, a loving smile on her face, I was waving back, slowly walking towards her until I realized what she was doing. She’d turned around facing the cliff ready to jump into the brewing storm. The clouds seemed to get closer by the second until a mist distorted her image. I called out to her but all I could hear was the echo of my voice and the chaos of the growing wind.

10 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your prologue is a good try. However, I think there are a few things to improve, as follows:

    1. Tone -- You seem to be trying to sound dreamy, but it is too matter of fact and action-packed to sound dreamy. Try reading The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, especially at the beginning of the book (it might be the prologe). She has a great dreamy tone that I can't imitate here.

    2. Confusing -- I don't understand what's the point, who's there, and what's going on.

    3. Description/Imagery -- Don't just say there was a "loving smile on her face" or her "dark hair" was swaying all around her. That's not imagery, that's not description. For the first line, maybe you should write something more like, "At first, I thought she was a ghost. The translucent, paperlike coating, the black hair swinging around her cheeks. He saw her smile like a snake, whipping her hand around in the air like a princess gone wrong."

    4. Use better verbs -- Don't use too many past/passive verbs like "A woman WAS standing" and "She WAS waving" and "I WAS waving." You can just say, "She stood," "She waved," and "I waved."

    5. Plot -- Your prologue needs to not only create the tone for your whole book, it also needs to serve as a starter to the plot, something that will make the reader think, "What will happen to her next?" It needs to induce conflict, but clear and understandable conflict. I don't understand anything about your plot from reading the prologue. This may mean that you need to make your prologue more significant (bringing in pieces of the plot), or simply that it's not neccessary. Try taking it out and giving the book to a family member/friend/critic to read. See if they can understand the plot without the prologue. If they can, just delete it.

    6. Dialogue -- Use it if it creates the kind of tone you want (action-packed, intense, stressed, worried, etc.).

    I hope you know I wasn't trying to be harsh here. I just think you really have something good here and I want to help you. I love writing prologues myself, so I thought maybe some of my suggestions could help. I just wrote a prologue for my novel, so I thought this could work for you just as it did for me. GOOD LUCK!

  • 1 decade ago

    I think it needs a lot work. First, you say that a woman is standing on the edge of cliff (a bit cliched, don't you think? Not to mention melodramatic) but aside from saying that she's a woman, the reader knows nothing about her.

    Is she old? Young? A teenager? Is she white or black? How is she dressed? Is she thin or overweight?

    Next, you say she was waving at "him." Him who? A husband? Brother? What's his name? What does he look like? Why would she smile lovingly at someone and wave right before committing suicide?

    Next, you say she's ready to jump into the "brewing storm." Again, way too dramatic. Also, where is she? On cliff above water or on a cliff on a dry mountainside during a rainstorm? If she is on a cliff (assumedly high up and far away) how can the narrator see her so clearly from his vantage point? And where did the mist come from?

    And please just delete the phrase "chaos of the growing wind" it's nonsensical and (once again) overly dramatic.

    And it's "prologue" not "proloug." Spelling and grammar are important parts of writing.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think its good. I am writing stories too. I don't think you need to give all the details like some of those other people said. It makes it mysterious and each reader will imagine something different. I do however think it needs to be a bit longer.

    Good luck with the book.

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow it sounds really interesting. I loved the way you set it up...the wind softly swaying her dark hair... it is beautiful. I think you should add a little more detail and I am curious how you know the women and why you are both there it kind of sounds like you are in a dream.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • It sounds good. Very mysterious. I think it'll be great . You should show a publisher. It makes you curious on what happens next and why she's doing that. But there are gramatical errors. But you need to be more detailed. For example who is she waving at that she loves so much , what does she look like, and where exactly is she.

  • 1 decade ago

    Prologues are, by definition, things that happen before the start of your story. But, to grab the interest of the reader, you need to start your story.

    Therefore, start your story and ditch the prologue.

  • 1 decade ago

    wait was 'she' waving at 'him' or 'you'? other than that it gets the reader interested pretty fast.

    i'm writing a story too with a prologue that shows the main character getting killed off, then rewinds to a year or so before.

  • haffey
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    think of Cam sitting on his pink settee like,"damn, they only spoiled my next album. Yo for relatively genuine son, certainly one of y'all n*ggaz greater effective write me a sparkling album. Ay Yo Jimmy the place Max B at?" That post is the definition of sensible fiction.

  • 1 decade ago

    The content itself isn't bad, but the grammar and structure need quite a bit of work.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Grammar sucks.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.