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Anonymous asked in Politics & GovernmentMilitary · 1 decade ago

dealing with my friends while exbf in boot camp?

exbf left for boot camp (we plan on getting back together when he's done---no need of telling me it doesnt work out and all that) anyway..

i told my friend last night that he was leaving.she said "really? im sorry? well lets go to a party tonight!"

i dont party, and what a great friend of feeling sympathetic-not. then tonight she said "lets go to a movie with our guys"

hello, i told her last night that he left--did she not understand what i meant by saying that?

so she says "oh! already? im sorry!"

all of my other friends are saying ohh we can go clubbing and we can find you a new guy.

wow are these so called friends really my friends? do they not get it? he is in boot camp and they are telling me to go out and party and all of this..

i dont know what to do because i told them i wont while hes gone but they still dont get that.this isnt the first time its happend either.....

Any people had the same problem with friends when their bf/gf left for boot camp?


--sorry didnt know if i should put this under the military section or the other one :/

12 Answers

  • Mrsjvb
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    your problem is the EX boyfriend part. they think you have dumped him( or vice versa).

    if the relationship is strong, it will survive the 8-10 weeks of basic training/boot camp and the follow on schooling


    sorry, but it looks like one of you bailed on the other, no wonder your friends are trying to hook you up, they think you are alone now and possibly depressed.

    he needs you and your support more than ever now that he is in the military. shame on whoever's idea this was to 'break up temporarily'. shows that neither of you are mature enough for a real, true committed relationship.

  • 1 decade ago

    Um, I've never had this happen to me. I do question your friends' intentions though. Do they not like your boyfriend or what? You said exbf so I take it you guys broke up then. I figure if my boyfriend ever joined the military that my girlfriends would be jealous. There's something about a uniform that makes women swoon ;) Anyways, if your friends really liked this guy and thought you were a couple they would not be encouraging you to dump him/ cheat on him while he's away. Either there was something wrong about your boy or your girls. Or maybe both. But if this isn't the first time it's happened (like you mentioned) I think your friends need a lesson in faithfulness and commitment. Just because your bf isn't right by your side doesn't mean you should just do whatever the hell you want. In my opinion that is. Hope you meet a guy someday who your friends want you to stay with. Or that at least you get some better friends...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well... If you are serious about him and this is going to be a long term relationship, it's not a wise move to refuse all invitations and alienate your friends. You will end up going to weddings, funerals and parties on your own and spending your birthday and Christmas without him. Youneed an infrastructure to support that.

    I have been an Army wife for a very long time and I can tell you two things:

    1) Your civilian friends will not understand how you feel.

    2) It doesn't matter.

    What does matter is that you don't suspend your life. That doesn't mean that you would want to go out looking for a new man! but it does mean that staying holed up at home, counting the days , alienating your friends, and becoming increasingly isolated, is not good.

    Army wives and girlfriends find ways to occupy their time usefully. I have lived through numerous deployments and I know that if I stayed home and cried or whinged to everyone, that my husband would be worried and disappointed in me. What you do is stick your chin up, throw yourself into your work, voluneer, take up a new hobby, and take a great interest in your friends and family's lives. Few people will understand how you feel and many will have worries of their own. It takes courage to live the life of an Army wife or girlfriend because it is OFTEN lonely, and you are often afraid but if you look outwards rather than inwards, you can end up being admired by everyone, including yourself.

    Source(s): wife of British Army Officer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Dont worry about them! Im 20 and married to a marine, so coming from someone who's been one outside of this lifestyle will EVER understand what you're going through let alone know what to say to you to make you feel better and you need to realize that, theyre completely clueless! Don't do anything you dont want to, but a few words of advice..If do you want to go out, do it now because military life takes it's toll and you will look back on the times when you couldve gone out and just had some fun with your friends (so-called friends, or not) me! Do what YOU feel is right, put your foot down and they will soon realize you are going through a situation that they need to be more sympathetic about.

    Source(s): proud marine wife
  • 1 decade ago

    Your friends are obviously not good friends. You will lose friendships over this kind of situation, so be ready and be strong. The good thing about all this, is that you will also learn who your true friends are, I know I did. I was with my boyfriend through boot camp and a duty station change and 2 deployments...and I had to learn that people don't understand and will never understand unless they're in the same situation as you. If you really care about your boyfriend and this is a serious relationship you need to consider letting some people go that are obviously not trying to help you in time of need. Boot camp is only the beginning, there will be more separations, so you need to be strong. Wish you and your boyfriend the best!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Okay, so why exactly are you broken up until he finishes? I can only see the reason being so you can go on with your life while he is in basic. Doesn't make much sense, if you all love each other then this is not a good excuse to break up and then plan to get back together in a certain time. I don't know the reason you all are broken up but planning to get together in months, so my outlook on it is you are free to do what you want. There is nothing wrong with going out with your friends, you can go out and not hook up with other guys. Keeping yourself busy is actually a way to make time go by faster while he is away. He's only in basic so you should have no worries. Maybe your friends see it the way I do, he's your ex. I have never heard of someone "planning" to get together in a certain time, getting back together just usually happens.

  • 1 decade ago

    Ok my boyfriend went to boot camp at the end of January I haven't seen him for more than maybe 14 days in 6 months, so when he gets out you won't be speding as much time together as you used to. You should know that he's doing this to better his life and he's doing a great thing for the country.

    Ok so I know I don't know why you broke up or anything but since you are planning to get back together when he gets out it just sounds like you guys broke up just in case something did end up happening with you while he was away. Which I totally understand because he might not want to have to think about still being with you while he's not there for you. At the same time the way you tell your friends sounds like you want them to comfort you, not take you out and find someone else. I don't know who said this but I agree, your friends might be jealous and want him to be single or something when he gets out.... maybe you never know.

    I think right now isn't the time for you to be going out and partying like they want you to, or say you should to cheer up. Your ex is going through the most difficult time in his life (especially if he joined the marines because that boot camp is exremely difficult) you need to be writing him letters and showing him you still think about him because thats what it sounds like you are feeling. If you do this and he sees you supported him throughout that whole ordeal, then when he gets back and you guys get back together your relationship will be so much stronger. Don't let your friends pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with especially if you know you want to be there for him when he gets out.


    (I hoped I helped)

  • 5 years ago

    i'm headed as properly camp on June thirtieth. I actual have been counseled from senior individuals of my unit to basically have letters mailed to me. No candy or gum or something in the envelope that could entice me undesirable interest. it is an astounding thought to your buddy yet might probably draw undesirable interest to her. Do her a prefer and shop her from the greater suitable PT. thank you to your help nevertheless.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hey I was in the military for 10 years. I feel for ya. Wanna go out? I'm kidding!

  • 1 decade ago

    Whats the problem with going out, while your ex is in basic ?

    Not going out on a date with a guy,

    But going out with your friends?

    If he is deployed or gets orders to Korea,

    Are you gonna sit at home for a year ?

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