Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Tell me if this were u, what would u do??

I apologize for the long question, but i seriously dont have alot of people i can just "open" up to.... There's this young lady that I met online a few months ago(5-6), she lived about 20 mins from me. We talked for about 2-3 mos b4 actually meeting. When we did meet, we moved pretty fast...she comuncated to me that she liked me more than I "thought". she quit her job and moved w/ me in my apt. My feelings for her grew very very deep. I grew to care about her, and yes I communcated this to her too....I met her family, she met mine(in my eyes we were serious)...she often talked about how nice I'm treating her and how she hs never been treated this way....I find out that she has been talking to men online, confronted her....eventually, I sent her back to her mother's, she aplogzs for hurting me but tells me that she needs time 2 get herself together...its been almst 3mos since she and I been aprt. I have been w/ other womn, and all....but I still thnk about her...I trd 2 tlk 2 her

Update:

but she didnt seem interested in even talking to me....so I left her alone....like i said, i've dated several women after her, and still I find myself thnking about her.... i find myself still wanting her??? I'm 24 w/o children, going to school, have a great career, independant, etc....she has nothing to offer me, she hs 2 children that she hs signed her rights away as a mother, cant keep a job, stys w/ her mother, and she is emotionally damaged.... I can do waaaay better than her I know! and she often told me like wise....but WHY DO I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR THIS CHIC!? I dont get it!!! and i'm soo down bc of this too.....I allowed myself to truly care for her, and all she did was play w/ my emotions like some type of tool.... and 3 mos later i'm still thinking about her >:-/ help plz...ne mature advice would be appreciated. and im sorry for the long question...really

Update 2:

did i mention that i havent talked to her in months? and yes I have dated several women after HER, but i still think about her.

13 Answers

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  • justme
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You still have feelings for her because you let yourself fall for her before you really knew all about her. In the beginning she seemed like a great catch, but when you found out about the real her it wasn't such a pretty picture. Now it's almost like you want to make it work because you put so much time and emotion into it that it's a big failure if you can't fix it. But this time - let it fail buddy. As you said, you're headed for great things and she'll just bring you down. Don't jeopardize your happiness by being with someone for so short a time who's already caused this many problems.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Wow Errol,

    I thought women got this broke up over a relationship gone bad. In your additional details area you gave some HUGE information that tells me she has a LOT of work to do on herself before she is ready for a man like you. That doesn't mean that it's not hard to watch her make those bad decisions and continue to hurt herself with them.

    Some people grow older but do not mature. She had children and walked away from that responsibility. She had you treating her well but did not respect that. How much do you figure that she respects herself???? Not a lot I bet.

    It is hard to walk away from an intimate relationship, but she has too many issues for you to "fix". And it's not your job to "fix" her issues. Yes, treating someone well a sign of affection, and I didn't hear how she was treating you well when she was living with you. That can happen in a healthy relationship, where both parties feel well -treated and respected.

    Keep trying Errol, but maybe not with her. You are asking the right questions. She nees to work on herself before she will be good for ANYONE else. Meanwhile, she may be bad for quite a few fellas who don't see her for her problems.

    Best of luck! You are smart!

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  • 1 decade ago

    hello..well all i can say is u can not help who u fall for in life. the heart is tricky and some where down the road u feel joy and pain. i am a woman and i am going through a issue such as yours. it has been 4 months since my ex and i think of him all the time.

    even though u somewhat moved on in life, does not mean u forget the past. she hurt u i know but before the hurt there was a good part about her that u liked / loved about her. cause if u did not care, u would of not let her moved in with u... just seek god on it and pray. the love of your life will come 2 u and the lady u think of will be just a memory.

    good luck with everything.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You want to be the knight in shining armour, the one to save the damsel in distress so she will be eternally grateful for what you have done for her. First off, she quit her job 'cause she moved 20 min away? gave up her children? cheats on you by investing time with strangers on the Internet? Time to change your thought patterns, or get some professional help, before you waste a lifetime with losers such as these.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You sound like a very caring person that really does care deeply for this girl. This is gonna take a long time to heal...you need to forget about her as best you can and move on. I'm really sorry to hear this. Try to find someone you can talk to, maybe a councellor or something.

    Good luck man

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  • 1 decade ago

    well i hate to say this but your really the one to blame in this situation. you over reacted about her talking online with other guys. you should of worked it out, not kick her out. If she meant this much to you why did you just let her go. its been three months and she might have a new life right nnow.. you gotta remeber that she was hurt from this relationship too. if she wants nothing to do with you now why are you still wasting your time... its either now or in 5 months when you realize wow that was a waste of time. dude i think if you think about her that is fine cause everyone thinks about there ex's. But thinking about someone and wanting them back isnt always the same thing

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  • xK
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I think you both moved really quickly in your relationship, and while your attraction came to be genuine caring for her, I think hers was infautation and she was caught up in the moment. About six months into a relationship, the honeymoon period ends, and you find out how you really feel about a person. I think you found out that you really cared about her (you can't choose who you love, even when those people are toxic) and she found out that she just wasn't that into you.

    It's time to just move on. Wish her well, thank her for the good times, and be done with it.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are still head over heels because you still have this girl on your mind. I think you need closer like go out with a different girl. If you have too many closets open then the other one wont close that u need to be.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Stop trying to be Capt. Save A Ho. You yourself said she brings little to the table. You have a lot of good things going for you and it sounds like she is a challenge to you to save her. HAve you thought that she is in her situation because she wants to be there. She has a lot of issues and eve told you that she has a lot of work to do on herself. Leave her in the past and pursue someone that is going to bring something to a relationship.

    Source(s): Read Dr, Laura Schlesinger's book "10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Relationships" It will explain a lot about your "Dragon Lady"
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  • Amelia
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    This is why it's not such a good idea to rush into things so quickly. You will get over her. It just takes time. Just keep reminding yourself of her flaws any time you're tempted to get back together with her. Also, the last contact you have with her, the sooner you'll get over her. If you keeping talking to her, the feelings will keep coming back and it will be harder to put this behind you.

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