Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

sleeping in seperate beds?

I love cuddling with my boyfriend but I love to sleep in a different bedroom then he. the reason is cus I am a very light sleeper, I wake up when he moves and he also snores often and I just love to sleep alone.. the problem is that he wants me to sleep with him! we are gonna get married in two months and I have explained him that I love to sleep alone and it has nothing to do with a lack of love for him, but he doesnt understand my preference of sleeping alone ( in seperate bedroom)... are there any people on here who had the same issue and how did you solve it?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    If not yet married don't bother, it won't last. Part of marriage is sharing. And you want to start it by sleeping in different rooms. Normally married people who sleep separately have bad marriages. Things have gotten so bad that they just prefer to be separate, even if it's under the same roof.

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  • 1 decade ago

    There are only two solutions to your problem. The first being that you sleep in a separate room, and let your intimacy suffer.

    Most people spend one third of their lives in bed. Assuming one or both of you works eight hours a day, that's fifty percent of the time you could be spending together that you are choosing to spend separated from him. There's nothing more conducive to physical and emotional intimacy than snuggling up under the covers and sharing a little pillow talk, and falling asleep together.

    The second solution, which I recommend (from personal experience), is to get past your hangups and sleep in the same bed with him. If he snores, ask him to see a doctor. Often, snoring can be a symptom of a medical condition, such as sleep apnea, which is treatable (i.e., no more snoring). There is also positional therapy (basically, just learning to sleep on your side) if he tends to snore on his back only. As for being a light sleeper and needing more space, try a larger bed, and look into low-impact mattresses that would make him tossing and turning less disturbing to you. You should also try to determine what your ideal firmness is. If the mattress is too soft or too firm, you won't get good quality sleep.

    If you address all those problems and still have an aversion to sleeping in the same bed, maybe you could benefit from discussing it with a psychologist, either by yourself or as a couple.

    Bottom line: Sleeping with your spouse is a wonderful thing that you should look forward to, even if it means putting in a little work to get to that point.

    Source(s): I snore, and I've been married to a light sleeper for three years. I have also done a lot of research into various sleep disorders, since I have one myself.
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  • Dolly
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Hey chicks...........

    Im the EXACT same way........i love my own space in bed and can't fall asleep cuddling into my boyf even though i'd love to be able to!! Also im a very light sleeper and have gotten myself into a terrible habit of wearing an eyemask and earplugs to bed!!! Seriously!! :o)

    However, i would never sleep in a seperate bed to my boyfriend, you will get used to him sleeping beside you just like you got used to sleeping alone. Believe me you will lose the closeness between you by sleeping in separate beds. I love waking up beside him an cuddling into him, nothing beats that feeling for me! You can combat snoring with some help from the chemist and if he loves you he will be willing to try anything anyhow!

    I would say TRY to get used to sleeping in the same bed as he might feel hurt if you don't, i know my boyf would if i suggested separate beds hun.............

    Good luck xxx

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  • 1 decade ago

    The marriage bed is a place of sanctuary. To cuddle up when cold, scared or sad, to share private jokes and giggle, to share cups of tea and newspapers on Sunday mornings, to drink Champagne on special occasions, to have pillow fights, to sort out disagreements, to comfort children & pets frightened by storms in loving arms, to become one person, not two, & to find solace as well as love and passion.

    I cannot imagine our lives together without it, and I know beyond doubt that a shared bed represents more than just personal preference, it represents the marriage.

    If you feel so strongly that you don't want to share a bed with him, don't marry him because you are simply not emotionally close enough to him.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    one of my best friend has always had a seperate room to her husband. he snors for brittain. they even have to have 2 rooms if they stay in a hotel. however, they have been together for 30 years and have a great sex life.

    i can understand why your bf wants to sleep all night next to you though. there is nothing nicer than cuddling all night.

    i think you should really really try hard to get used to being next to him all night. You would be amazed what people can get used to sleeping with!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I look forward to going to sleep with my man laying next to me even if he does snore. I couldnt stand sleeping in seperate bedrooms. Your soon to be husband must be gutted!

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  • 1 decade ago

    hey i feel for him cause he sounds like he wants you to sleep beside him.... and i feel for you. have you tried methods of getting his snoring under control? maybe get a better bed with minimal partner disturbance? whatever it is you really need to come to a better compromise.....

    gud luck

    i had never lived with a partner until my current one and second one ! so it obviously took me a month or 2 to get used to not sleeping in my queen size bed in the starfish position too but now...... i fret when he's not there!

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  • 1 decade ago

    i sleep in a different bed from my husband as he snores his head off . we went away acouple of months ago and i landed up sleeping in the bathroom because he snores so loud, then i woke him up as i could still hear him from the bathroom and we landed up arguing at some silly time in the morning , also you do need a good night sleep as you tend to get grouchy in the day. no good for anyone.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It ok to sleep in separate beds. there are people who have been married for years and had separate beds.

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  • Jeanne
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I have been happily married for 10 yrs and LOVE to sleep alone...he does not snore, but I just love the freedom. I may get up in the middle of the nite and get on here....it's 4:18am right now. I will go back to bed soon...and no one has been disturbed. Freedom....that is what it is about.

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