21 pregnant by 37 year old attached man?

im 21 and 4 months pregnant by a 37 year old man. hes not married but has been with the same woman for the past 8 years. when i found out i was pregnant and told him,he said he didnt want the baby and wanted me to get a abortion. i almost gave in but didnt to do it. then he wanted me to give it up for adoption, i didnt and wont do that either. im keeping this baby,and hes pissed at me for keeping it. he doesnt want the woman to know he cheated on her,and he doesnt want the responsibility of having a child. he says he wants to leave this woman but cant right now because she has no where to go,no job or anything. he said he wanted to be with me,but now that im pregnant he said he doesnt know what he wants. that doesnt bother me,i know i shouldnt even want to be with someone who doesnt want there own child,or wants to be there for me when im pregnant. should i tell the woman he cheated on her?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You cheated on her too. But you have learned your lesson the hard way. Do tell her, but do not expect her to believe you. I would want to know.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That depends on your motivation to tell her. What will you really benefit from telling her. Will it accomplish something that you can't accomplish otherwise? It kind of sounds like poking a stick at a hornets nest. Think about it. Are you doing it just to spite him or are you doing it out of genuine concern for her? One way or the other, I wouldn't expect a warm reception from her. After 8 years there's a good chance that she will probably want to stick it out with him (for right or wrong). Then you become the enemy for not giving up your child and making it impossible for her to forget his infidelity. I'm sorry dear, but that's a lose, lose situation for you. Even if you didn't know that he was in a relationship (which I suspect you may have known) then you will still be the woman that is having her boyfriends baby. Trust me, she won't thank you for your honesty, even if it is for her own good. This is something that should really come from him. If he never tells her, and the birth comes and goes, then consider telling her. For right now, that kind of drama and stress isn't something you need to bring upon yourself during pregnancy. Your first priority from now on is the child that is relying on you to take care of yourself. Stress is a really bad thing when you're pregnant.

    I would say that you should go on about your life and pursue child support when the time comes. He won't be able to hide the truth from her once he starts paying you a chunk of his paycheck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I've been in similar situations. Telling her will only result in drama (which you don't need as a pregnant woman) and he'll be pissed about it. I know that you've made the decision to keep your baby with the expectation that you will probably have to do this alone. I am in a similar situation, pregnant by a volatile man, and I've decided to keep it, but don't expect him to step up, even though he is starting to come around now.

    Telling her will not help him to break the ties with her any more quickly to come to you and will actually probably cause him to resent you for telling her. Especially when you're dealing with older people, they tend to see us younger girls as being spiteful or dramatic when these things happen.

    My opinion is to wait for him. In the meantime, enjoy your pregnancy, make your plans, live your life and don't expect him to be involved. Chances are, when the baby is born, he will love it. If by then, he is not free or interested in having a relationship with you, take him to court for the child support. You should absolutely do that no matter what, to ensure that your child will be provided for. If she doesn't know by then that he's cheated, then she'll probably find out when you slap him with the law.

    Telling her now is not the best time. Take care of yourself and your baby first. Karma will catch up with him soon enough.

    Source(s): 23yo female, pregnant, the "other woman" in a previous relationship
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  • 1 decade ago

    First, if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. It's really as simple as that. Although, I really do understand that he wants to be able to support this other women at all.

    Second, did you know he had been with this woman for 8 years before you got involved with him? If you did know, then you shouldn't have become involved with him at all. If you didn't, then it's not necessarily your fault.

    He needs to be the one to tell this woman he cheated on her. If you're with someone for 8 years, it should be a pretty clear thing that you're TOGETHER, not "together" and can test the fields a little more while you're at it.

    Don't do anything you don't want to. This is your child, so if you want to keep it, keep it. Remember: a woman becomes a mother the second she conceives her child. A man becomes a father when he sees his child.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I agree with KS...I would tell her, but don't expect her to believe you. Anyone who loves somebody can be blind to the way they really are. She might think he's not capable of doing something like that, especially since they've been together for 8 years. I, for one, know what it feels like to be with someone who is "attached." I dated a guy once that told me he was in the middle of a divorce, but no divorce was ever filed and he was still "happily" married. He wanted what he wanted, when he wanted it. It's unfortunate that you are having a child with him now...even though the child is a blessing in itself. He doesn't sound like a worthy father anyhow if he would want you to abort the baby as a first thought. If he wants nothing to do with the baby, let him go and you can make it on your own. Just don't let him have anything to do with the baby, even if he comes crawling in the future. Stick to your guns. You will be a good mother, with or without him. I wish you all the luck in the world!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Absolutely DO NOT tell her. It is not your place. I totally agree that this guy is being a jerk, but getting into the middle of it with him and his girlfriend is NOT a good idea.

    I can imagine how you feel and this guy sounds like a real jerk but unfortunately you will not be able to make him be a part of your child's life if he doesn't want to. So keep that in mind while deciding what is best for you and your baby. And next time, DON'T GET YOURSELF PREGNANT!!!!

    Source(s): mom of 2
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  • 1 decade ago

    Yes, she deserves someone to tell her the truth. If she does not believe you offer a DNA test to clear things up, but wait till it is safe for the baby. He she have thought about his girlfriend before he cheated, now he needs to man up and take responsibility for his actions! Make him don' let him get away without paying. It takes two to tango.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think it would only be fair to tell her. I mean, if he's been with her for over 8 years and is cheating on her she deserves to know. Like someone else said, you are probably not the only one.

    Good for you for keeping your baby. I'd also take him to court and get child support.

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  • Jay L
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    ok, I am going to give my advice, even if you have already rejected it

    Please Please put your child up for adoption. The child needs secure and stable home life, It doesn't sound like you can give the child that. The father is a cheat and a liar. He won't support you at all, he will fight paternity and child support. Your child will grow up without a strong dad.

    PLEASE reconsider and give the child a better shoot at life.

    Source(s): Adoptive Dad
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  • 1 decade ago

    well what i would do is when the baby is born take him to court for child suport i dont think u sould be with him at all and i dont think YOU sould tell her right away because ur preg u dont know what she will do u have to be safe so i would just take him to court and she will know then i hope and wish u and ur baby a happy life good luck and be SAFE ur baby is more importnent then him

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  • 1 decade ago

    Tell her, your probably NOT the only other woman he has cheated on her with. He would have kept his penis in his pants if he didnt want her to know.

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