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F asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

one more revision of my poem; i think i finally nailed it; what do you think?

your touch, your voice, gave me so much more than pleasure;

effortlessly, broken pieces came together

shattered self, painful past, jagged edges, fixed and set,

to my amazement, liquefied, melted, warm and wet

a deep calm came over me, all was well and right

an unimagined dawn after a truly endless night

with you, I somehow knew, I didn’t need the show,

the heart learns fast, but the mind is slow; I knew, but didn’t know

that moment when potential yet unborn

comes to life and crystallizes into shape and form

shimmering perfection, in the palm of my hand

I just wanted to give you something

but you didn’t understand

my true wishes went unspoken

a new and fragile bond created, strained, and maybe broken

my words inverted, I misspoke; the writer couldn’t write

I sighed, determined: I’ll fix this tonight.

Update:

the water crashed, the music played

the waiter brought me more champagne

that book I read, still in my head,

my new ‘friends’ enjoying my pain

the type men leave

soft and sweet, stupid and weak

stand up, get up, and change.

I saw your face, and in that instant knew;

it was my past that drove me now; it wasn’t really you.

but I couldn’t keep up, things went so fast

and then I was alone.

now I look back and ask, What lessons did I learn?

I’m still confused, I’ve paid my dues; what it is that I’ve earned?

Congratulations; in an ironic twist of fate

you’ve managed to become the type of woman that you hate.

Yes, I know, its just a show, its not really me

that girl, in another world,

the type men love, a different breed

so much gained and lost, all in just one day

stars misaligned, the wrong time,

I don’t deserve

I must accept

I can’t forget

such great cost, the heavy price I pay

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    it's... BRILLIANT! it was full of emotion and pain and really pulled the reader into the poem. however, even though it was really good it is still fuggy for me to understand what exactly the poem is suppose to be about, sorry but i guess i missed it.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

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