Anonymous asked in Society & CultureReligion & Spirituality · 1 decade ago

Why is the Mormon church so intolerant of ex-Mormons?

I don't really see this with ex-catholics for example.


I myself am an ex-Mormon since 5-18-05 so I am speaking from experience here.

Update 2:

how can an atheist really know what the whole Mormon experience is like from the outside, thats a good one though

Update 3:

I mean no disrespect with this question and thank you blue Egytian for an honest answer.

Update 4:

I like how all these "non Mormons" speak as if they are in the know. But since you haven't walked a mile in my mocasins you really have no idea of which you speak.

Update 5:

~glade~ please provide the web site where I supposedly lifted the information for the question you answered.

22 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Ditto to what ZCT and Curious said. It's a cult, and people get punished for leaving a cult, so as to scare the other members into never wanting to leave. They have to smear us, and convince our friends and family that we are evil or deceived, because otherwise the "faithful" might think we actually have a good reason for leaving, and start questioning things for themselves.

    Only an organization with something to hide feels the need to control information.

    Source(s): Ex-Mormon for going-on eight years. Edit: LOL glade. Like anyone believes for a second that you're not a Mormon. Yeah, right. You're not a Mormon, yet you go around defending them and their beliefs, are a Book of Mormon scholar, listen to their conference talks, and just happen to use all the right "Mormon-speak" terminology. Uh-huh. It makes me wonder... if you're not a Mormon, why not? You obviously think they're the best thing since sliced bread. The interesting question here is why you think pretending to be a non-Mormon makes you more credible to the outside world. It speaks volumes about your cognitive dissonance. I wasn't born yesterday, honey. Yeah, ad hominem attacks and name-calling are really going to make me believe you. You didn't answer the question: why aren't you a Mormon?
  • Lil D
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I can understand where you are coming from. Its not necessarily the Church that is intolerant, its the members. Remember that everyone is human and makes mistakes, and doesn't make the best choices all the time. I'm sure if you were in a different area, the Mormons in that area would be more tolerant of your choice. If the mormons in your area are treating you like this, you don't want to be around them. This is coming from a Mormon. You don't want to be around people who treat you bad.

  • 1 decade ago

    I've not found that to be the case, knowing several ex Mormons, who have been treated well.

    Sorry if that is your experience, but my best friends is still my best friend, her leaving made no difference to that and others treat her well and still invite her to events at their houses, she infact refuses and does not do much with them it's her that is rejecting them.

    Individuals act differently. The church it's self is tolerant and teaches us to be loving to non members and ex members. If some individuals fail in this respect, it's because of their own issues and human imperfections.

    Personally I have found that if I do something I'm seen as a MORMON doing whatever it is I'm doing...when the local Baptist, Catholic, or whatever does it, their faith is hardly EVER called into question. They are seen as 'people' individuals, we are seen as Mormons, as if we ALL speak and represent the Church in some official way. I found this at school,college,as a parent, teacher and at work.

    You only have to look on yahoo, to see, that in fact, a number of ex-Mormon's try and give us a hard time. You don't see Mormons hardly ever, if ever posting about them, like that. Plus some people 'project' big time. ie they do/think something, and accuse others of doing it.

    Edit: One ex member,(in our ward) they wanted to live a certain way, that was against all our teaching, yet wanted members approval. Members could give friendship, but NOT approval of his choices and that made him ANGRY....and I guess hurt. Doctrine can't change to suit an individual.- I've know two people who felt it should.

  • 4 years ago

    uh. Because its more fun to pick on Mormons?! Ive noticed that too. Everyone has a story.... oh i knew a Mormon who beat his wife. No one ever mentions a wife beater 's religion if they were Lutheran or crocodile worshipers. They just hold lds people to a higher standard i geuss.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I agree with most of the sentiments that said the church is not intolerant of ex-Mormons. I respect your choices. I do find a vocal few however throwing stones at us. I don't appreciate that. Most ex-Mormons I know simply fade away and don't look back too often. They don't have the anger expressed by those who feel the need to seek out some form of club membership or hate club. I don't understand the ex's who trample on what they once thought to be sacred. What's the point of that?

    glade, you could be called worse you know. Why don't you take the plunge just to get the "whiner" off your back? lol...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am an atheist, and was a temple going LDS for 40 years. No Mormon has ever been intolerant to me. Despite my strong atheism, they are always accepting and never try to "bring me back." My family is especially good about the whole thing, my sister's Bishop was wonderful to me at our mothers funeral.

    I don't know what is going on for you, email me if you'd like more info. (it's on my answers profile).

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    There is a difference with the ex-Mormons. There are those who find it appealing to attack us and the beliefs they used to "know". Case in point, Princess Catti-Brie, finding it entertaining to destroy the garments which is a very personal covenant we make with the Lord. But then look at Darryl B, he is cool with us and we are cool with him. I appreciate that he doesn't want to believe right now and that's fine, we all have our agency.

    Like most have said on here, its a matter of attacking us, but then you have to question.. why would they attack us so hard if it wasn't true?

  • 1 decade ago

    Leaving the church is considered "apostasy," and apostates are looked down on by many members, because it's often assumed that they left because they couldn't live the standards or committed some kind of sin. You're also taught that the one unforgiveable sin is to have the holy ghost and then reject it.

    I have to add that not all members are intolerant of former members, and most would love to have them come back to the church.

    The truth is, we (exmormons) are not horrible bad people. I don't cheat, lie, steal, do drugs, break the law, etc., and I make every effort to treat people fairly (though I'm not perfect). I'm no worse a person without the church than I was with it.

    ETA: Glade. I also believe you're mormon. If you weren't, you'd know that not every ex-mormon site is "anti-mormon," and Richard Packham's is not "anti-mormon."

    ETA: Imjustme, thanks for that link, it was very fair and non-judgmental. I especially liked this, and hope all mormons will read it and take it to heart:

    "I offer a weak parallel to this story in pointing out that many ex-Mormons, even some who show a lot of bitterness toward the Church, may be much more honorable people that we have realized, and may have entirely logical reasons from their perspective for leaving. In fact, it is not hard to find reasons to reject Joseph Smith or Brigham Young or any past of modern prophet, or to find doctrines and practices that one can strongly object to.

    Many who leave do not do so because the moral standards were too high or because someone snubbed them at Church or because tithing was too painful or they just got sick of home teaching or were victims of gossip or had a serious moral sin that they wouldn't quit. It is understandable, in fact, that people would get upset over polygamy or several other things in LDS history or even in the Bible that would lead them to reject the Church or organized religion in general. There are certainly powerful arguments to be made and often no simple answers. "

    Glade, do you know Richard? I do. I'm not surprised at your comment, though, as anyone who disagrees with mormonism and openly explains and supports why is considered "anti-mormon" by the true believers.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am an ex-Mormon. I have had my name removed from the rolls of the Church.

    I have never encountered any hostility from any members of the ward I used to attend. I encounter several of them on a regular basis and make an effort to keep in touch with two of them.

    From what I've seen, the ex-Mormons who get a rough ride from Mormons are those who insist on attacking the Church after they leave. I haven't done that and I haven't had any issues with Mormons since I left.

  • Mike B
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    to Glade- scribblo is a twit but does ask one good question- Why aren't you a Mormon? You are well informed and a better scriptorian than many returned missionaries. Take your time buddy but the invitation stands.

  • I found this blog by Jeff Lindsay the other day that took the words right out of my mouth of how I feel about ex-Mormons. I'll probably get judged that I can't think for myself and I have to run and hide under Lindsay's apron strings but that's not the case. I love his way of explaining that we cannot always understand why someone would leave the church and even though it may disappoint us, we cannot judge.

    Am I tolerant of ex-Mormons? Yes

    Will I tolerate their opinions? Yes

    Will I tolerate the spreading falsehoods and sacred things that I hold dear to? Absolutely not

    Ex-Mormons can behave as they see fit since it is their image that they are throwing out for the world to see but if one of you cross the line and say spiteful, vindictive things that are blatantly false, I will defend the church without apology. Period. It is then that I will not tolerate an ex-Mormon.

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