tbo asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 decade ago

My entire family dislikes me now, did i do something wrong?

Ive always been quiet, at family events nobody talks to me, they usually walk by and laugh and say "so weird, so quiet"..

Its really because they dont talk to me.

Anyway im 21 now and i have a job as a salesperson for a fashion magazine, i sell door to door to different fashion companies in NYC, people like me too and even invite me to fashion shows and parties. Its really built up my self esteem and confidence.

So I was with my family Memorial Day, I opened up and tried striking up converstations with them. They basically took shots at me and made underhanded comments. I told my cousin about my job and he just looked at me like i was lying and said "oh i thought u worked the cashier at Target"

It made me feel really bad, I went to Fashion college and earned a 4 year degree in Fashion Marketing, so why wouldnt i land a job like mine?

I started crying when i was alone at home. I know its childish since im 21 but what they did hurt.

Im thinking of cutting them off, they dont respect me

Update:

Professional people like and respect me now, i even got offers from some other fashion compnaies...even my boss-the owner of the magazine has told me I'm great with people and hes so happy he has me working for him.

All those years i thought i was weird and quiet..i think they were verbally abusing me

Update 2:

Also my Aunt is mad at me too and giving me nasty looks, she was asking me where i got my necklace and i said in the Village, she says oh at one of those little small junk stores? I said no, at a boutique for Anna Sui. She just gave me the nastiest look.

I dont understand this. im not supposed to know anything or be anybody?

Update 3:

i meant my Moms entire family but their who i see most.

My dads family are nice, their all artists but they live in California, i only see them once in a few years.

Update 4:

i was actually a child 6 year old and up when they told me im weird and quiet, they were older in their 20s, I didnt think i was better than them back them.

11 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hello tbo,

    I liked your story, it reminded me of some I already heard. I am going to take the opposite way of most people that talked until now.

    I say that you should KEEP UP with your family. I know that they make you suffer and cry but they have their own reason to do so (each reason being different than the other) That is what you should find. You'll probably think it's a waist of time but if you do that you'll become the "good guy" the "reliable one" Opposite to the weird and silent one that they said you were.

    For you to be able to listen to them and for them to open to you, you have to open yourself to them first by telling them how you feel about the way they treated you and how you wish they treat you for now on.

    Don't let some comment that hurts you non-revealed (i don't know if i'm making sense for you here but what i mean is that if someone say something that hurts you, you should make him/her realise what he/she just did by telling him/her)

    So go back to your family taking each of them appart and TALK to them i mean real talk not the chitchat you use for your clients.

    I have to warn you that some are not "good people" and try to use the information you gave them to hurt you more, BUT because you are aware of that now it won't reach you anymore.

    Don't keep things that hurt for yourself, please share with the ones at the source.

    Good luck

    Luc

    Source(s): Some years of my life.
  • 1 decade ago

    Dear one:

    Congratulations on your wonderful and exciting career in Fashion and fashion merchandising.

    And I am SO so sorry that your family is so superficial. But just like in the fairy tale, the ugly duckling was literally driven hatefully and cruelly from his original barnyard before he was eventually deeply loved and appreciated as a swan. Ironically, the fairy tale doesn’t say what happened to his original barnyard – just that the Swan lived happily ever after being admired and beloved by his new home.

    All you can do is accept your family as the coarse backward hicks they are. There is no changing them. And that’s ok. Yes. It’s OK. You are different – or whatever derogatory term they wish to use. That’s ok, too.

    Thing is, you, dear one, through talent and hard work and determination are on your way to being a powerhouse in the fashion industry. Learn. Listen. Watch and learn some more. Find a good mentor – like your boss, for example. Make friends o f the industry movers and shakers (and believe me, the real powerhouses behind the fashion industry aren’t always the Top Models). Make connections. Above all, learn, learn, learn.

    And as odd as it seems, relish your coarse and unrefined family. They have taught you to be strong; to be compassionate; to be forgiving.

    And remember, part of what makes you highly successful at your young age is that you have learned the art of listening. Yes! Your quiet, gentle nature is an incredible asset. Better yet, beneath that gentle and quiet person – is a pillar of strength – the strength it takes to make it in a tough industry like Fashion.

    Oh honey, one of the sad facts of life is that sometimes our families let us down. Sometimes they just can’t see what is directly in front of them. Sometimes they won’t believe what is right in front of them.

    A great philosopher, teacher – and in my faith, savior – taught us that we must love those who are unlovable. He didn’t mention that sometimes it’s our own families who are the unlovable ones. So, love your family.

    But don’t let them get you down. When someone says ugly things to you – forgive them. They truly know not what they do. It’s out of ignorance mostly – you just smile knowingly and gently and forgivingly. Don’t let them sway you from your goals – just be the sphinx and let them think what they will.

    And when you’re president and managing director of your own brand of clothing, flitting from Paris to London to Bangkok, to Sidney – take a niece or nephew with you and let them see how way-cool his “Auntie” really is.

    Keep your chin up honey. I’m your Mother’s age – and I, for one, am doggoned proud of you!

  • 1 decade ago

    Honey you got one of those negative families, I know what your going through. The best way to go upwards in life is to disattach yourself from them. They are set in their ways and don't like to see anyone succeed. I don't know why they get that way maybe its genetics but you were skipped over so you will never fit in with them. Yes, you need to enlarge your circle of friends to make up for negative family members. Just remember when you get married have a small 'do' with just your folks and tell them you really don't want anything from the family. This gives them no fodder to use on you.

    Please don't cry they aren't worth it.. you found a home in your work and your friends. Enjoy what you are doing and look at the future with hope. Your past.. IS past.

    Blessings!

  • 1 decade ago

    SCREW THEM!

    If your own family has somehow labeled and pre-judged you, why do you keep going around them? Make your friends your family. You can pick your friends. Just because people are your family, doesn't mean you have to like them, respect them, or even talk to them.

    Maybe you should write an open letter to all of them, express your feelings, confront their rudeness, and let them know that until they start showing you some respect, you will not be coming around.

    GOOD LUCK!

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  • 1 decade ago

    If you don't know me by now, you will never never never know me. It's a song, a sad sad love song that can be put into the perspective of your own blood not knowing you. Hurts, huh.

    A good book to introduce to your family is "Please Understand Me" It is a personality test that is amazing and helps relationships and families understand their differences and learn how to relate to each other as well as how they are coming across to different personality types. My whole family is in one category and I am in a totally different one, which explained many differences in values and misunderstandings when communicating. Once we all realized how different each other are, we were able to respect our differences and grow closer together.

    Source(s): experience
  • 1 decade ago

    What they see is that you were really quiet and never wanted to talk to them, and that you were to stuck-up to want to be part of their family.

    Now that you have such a lovely job and have got lots of confidence, they start thinking, "gosh she's so stuck up buying nice things and having a nice job, she obviously doesn't want to be part of our family, she thinks she is better than us"

    They are jealous of your success, and are upset because you never wanted to talk to them, they think you are being stuck-up, but really you didn't have any confidence.

    Maybe they don't have a good job, so they think its unfair that the girl who they think is weird, is doing amazingly well, whilst maybe their children are lovely people but have really crappy jobs.

    You worked hard to get where you are, don't let them pull you down. :)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ever heard of the term "haters"? that's them. they're jealous. don't let it hurt your feelings...you were quiet all of those years for a reason. you learned what's important to say and what's not. so now you can learn what's important to listen to and what's not.

    they're being family. albeit jerks..but still doing what family does naturally. don't let it bug you much. you've come a long way and it's now time for you to enjoy what you've earned!

    keep up the good work!

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like you're making friends through your work environment though.

    I like to say "Friends are your chosen family"

    :o)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    F$%% them all...

    see the thing about being different, which you are... is that it is intimidating to them!

    They are so busy being intimidated by such a unique person, that they need to put you down to feel better about themselves!

    IGNoRe them! Not worth your time... not worth your tears!

  • 1 decade ago

    Just goes to show, you can pick your nose, but not your relatives.

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