Straight girl with a lesbian crush...?

Ok so heres the deal. Im 20 yrs old and straight...have always had boyfriends. I have had the occasional girl crushes but nothin serious. Well, there is this one lesbian girl that I cant stop thinking about. She is pretty, down to earth, and something about her gives me a great feeling...she's definitely my style. She has no idea nor does anyone else know that I feel this way. So I have already made my first move by sending her a short but sweet myspace message (waiting for reply)...So I guess my question is one, how do I bring up hanging out in a casual way??...I mean cause we never have before and Im bigger question is, what if something were to happen between us and we really grew to like one do I let my friends and fam know? Im from a small town and I dont wanna be known as the girl that went lesbian. I know I shouldnt care what people think but Im scared people will just think im doin it for attention. Should I just let things be and let them figure it out


Also...if things do progress, I would want to keep things low key and keep quiet about it for a while just til people got used to the idea. So how do I tell her I want that without her thinking Im ashamed? She might already be someone who keeps her business to herself, which would be great.....but who knows..

10 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Chances are you, you may be bi; possibly with a stronger attraction to guys, which is why the girls have only occasionally caught your attention. (You didn't come out and state what you think of guys; only that you've dated the, not if you are really all that into it or what have you; so I'm assuming that went without saying)

    If you're not involved right now and have a strong sexual attraction to this other woman, go for it see where it leads; it may open you up to a whole other realm of experiences and part of your identity you never knew existed.

    If it does get serious and you find it's something you truly want, you cant care what others are going to think; it's part of who you are and there's nothing anyone else can do about it; they can accept you for who you are or not, but it doesn't matter.

    Your parents might have a hard time adjusting to the idea, especially if you're bi, if the relationship with the girl doesn't pan out and your next relationship is with a man; it might confuse them. You just have to be upfront about who you are and that, for you, it doesn't matter what gender the person is, it's so long as they make you happy; that's all you're looking for.

    As far as going out with the girl and keeping things low key, when you get to that point of just starting out, just tell them upfront, 'this is my first time doing anything with a member of the same sex. I want to see where this might lead, but I'd like to take things slow and be discreet until I know that this really apart of who I am.'

    Hopefully she'll be able to understand and appreciate that sentiment. Some gay people have different views as to staying in the closet and for how long; some feel to let people come out at their own pace, if they so choose to come out at all; while others would sooner scream it from the tower and out everyone they met.

    Also, make sure she's comfortable with the fact you've never been with a woman before; being someone's first can be a lot of presure for some, while others might relish having the chance to "turn" a girl. Some may be reluctant to invest themselves in someone who just wants to "experiment" before going back to guys (which is not to say that, that's what you're doing; just, some may be warry of that) but that's the peril of dating in general, someon who's been burned too often and they don't want to get their heart broken again.

    But basically, all the way around, it's just best to take things slow and seee where they go.

  • gober
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    Lesbian Crush

  • 4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.


    Straight girl with a lesbian crush...?

    Ok so heres the deal. Im 20 yrs old and straight...have always had boyfriends. I have had the occasional girl crushes but nothin serious. Well, there is this one lesbian girl that I cant stop thinking about. She is pretty, down to earth, and something about her gives me a great feeling...she's...

    Source(s): straight girl lesbian crush:
  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    Hate to break it to you 'straight girl' but having boyfriends doesn't mean you're straight... it's not about who you have been in a relationship with it's about who you feel a connection with. if you've had girl crushes before it means this is not a one time thing. you could of course choose to ignore your feelings and live a long and prosperous life full of regret. You could be Bisexual, this doesn't mean you are a fully fledged lesbian but you may be interested in both males and females. Or a Hetero-romantic Bisexual. (A bisexual with a primary attraction towards guys.)

    As for the people in your town, it's really none of their business, tell them if you want, or don't if you don't want. it's not about them it's about you, and as long as you aren't attention seeking then what they think doesn't matter.

    Really right now the best thing for you to do is accept yourself for who you are. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to decide on a sexuality to be happy, maybe just accept that you have feelings for both men and women and get on with your life accordingly.

    Trust me, it won't be easy but you are who you are so don't try to change that, you're probably not just going to wake up, snap your fingers and say "I'm gay" or "I'm straight" it's going to take time.

    Just carry on living and know that what will be will be, and there is nothing you, I or anyone else can do to change that.

    I hope everything works out for you! feel free to Message me or follow me on twitter (@tarhoumaf) if you need to talk, I'm always here :)

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  • 1 decade ago

    U should take things slow but nicely elegantly say that u are having feelings for her, and want to know more about her. Then if things progress, one naturally ur fam and friends will realize and u may not have to say anything, but if it becomes the moments where u should need to... just say sumthing like "well i found the one that makes it happen for me. I am comfortable with her and she is with me, I am sorry if u don't understand or having a hard time understanding, but I do indeed care for her, about her and the feelings are mutual. So this is what I want and am. Love u all" It will get easier as time goes on. ppl who really care and love u will get the message, that it is what makes u happy. It took my fam ten years, but they are getting there, now they invite my gf to parties and stuff even If i can't go she goes and has a good time. U have to make an effort and arrival in order to make things happen, and it is the same for them, just give sum time.

  • 1 decade ago

    Woah, this girl must definitely have great sex appeal to attract a straight girl like you..

    Sending her a myspace message is the first step.. Maybe you could meet her in school or something, have a short chat and suggest hanging out after school..

    After hanging out for a while, who knows? You two might end up together as a couple!

  • 1 decade ago

    Just tell her straight up that youv'e been thinking about her.

    If something progresses then just keep in on the DL and let people find out on their own. =]

    díänä RUIZ™

  • 1 decade ago

    you just have to let things be as you said. Just do what you feel like doing and yeah you shouldn't care about others if you are happy in the end

  • 1 decade ago

    Well just ask her if she wants to hang out and then just start talking about it. But privatly

  • kay b
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    i think when the time comes that you do have to make that decision you and her will have talked about who you are what you want and so forth. as far as family you have to find your approach on that the one that your comfortable with.

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