IT STARTED OUT WITH A KISS!!
Tina Henderson here. IT STARTED OUT WITH A KISS. HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS? It’s a long story..... One day, my friend, Brangelina, whom I hadn’t seen for quite awhile, dropped by my apartment. “OMG.....TINA....I’M PREGNANT with twins," she said excitedly. "It all started out innocently enough. Nine months ago I was kissing Brad in the backseat of his car, and one thing led to another. You know how it is. -- If my water breaks before he gets back, will you take me to the hospital?”
“Of course, I would,” I answered sincerely. “I’d do anything for you. Where is Brad anyway?” Brangelina replied, “OH! HE’S OVER PLAYING POKER WITH THE REDNECKS.”
“Well, why don’t I give Brad a quick phone call?” I suggested. “He needs to take some responsibility for his actions--not just be running off and leaving you like this.” .... “Yeah! You tell him!” agreed Brangelina. “The number is 555-555-5555.” .... ”Hello!” answered Brad. I replied, “This is Tina, Brangelina’s friend. Is this Brad, the guy WHO LOVES BRANGELINA’S BABIES? She needs you to come home right away because she is in labor.”
“OMG! THAT HOE!” answered Brad. “Has she been tellin’ ya I’m her baby daddy? I didn’t even know that dame nine months ago. I work on pipe lines, and I can tell ya I was in a place far far away from here until just recently, and I can prove it” I sarcastically suggested, “Let me guess – HONG KONG, NEBRASKA?” Brad laughed cruelly, as he answered, “NO STUPID, VIETNAM, ALASKA.”
“Tell that hoe, I ain’t comin’ back,” Brad said angrily. “I ain’t gittin roped into nothin’. I’m shippin’ off for places unknown. She’ll never find me.”
I told Brangelina the bad news, and she replied, “OH! DANG! That lying rat! Now what do I do?” I answered sympathetically, “Well, first things first. Right now, we’ve got to get you to the hospital. We’ll talk about your future in a day or so. Don’t worry! Things have a way of working out for the best!”
Meanwhile, I had my own problems. I needed to retrieve my financial records from my computer. Unfortunately, I had the files password protected and I had forgotten the password. I thought to myself, “HACKING INTO MY COMPUTER WOULD BE WAY EASIER IF JONATHAN WAS HERE.”
“Your wish is my command,” answered Jonathan, as he stood outside on my balcony. “I read your thoughts, darling. By the way, your password is Jonathan ♥♥!!”
“You always come to my rescue, Jonathan,” I answered appreciatively. “Now I have another matter I need to discuss with you. Do you think we could make a long-distance relationship work for a while?” Jonathan answered, “Time is on our side, darling. What did you have in mind?”
I replied, “Well you had mentioned moving to Arizona, and something has come up that necessitates that I stay here for at least a few months.” Jonathan answered, “Taiwan, actually!” .... “TAIWAN? I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONLY MOVING TO ARIZONA!” I exclaimed in surprise.
“Plans change,” replied Jonathan. “What’s up?” I explained about Tina and her babies being all alone in the world. “I was wondering what you would think about extending our family. You know we always wanted children of our own, but that wasn’t possible, us being vampires and all.” Jonathan answered reflectively, “It would be a dream come true. Do you think the young woman would agree? It’s a pretty big step, you know -- So permanent!!”
“Let’s drop in at the hospital and see if the babies have been born yet. We can ask Brangelina if she would like to become our daughter, and the babies would be our grandchildren,” I suggested happily.
Jonathan and I popped in on Brangelina. She told us the babies were born and we should go to the nursery and take a look at them. Before we left the room Jonathan asked Brangelina curiously, “Tell me, are you a woman who LOVES DRAMA? MORE LIKE LIVES OFF IT?” She thought about it for about 30 seconds, and answered, “Now that I think about it, that pretty much describes me. I’ve always been kind of a diva—and you know divas love drama!”
“OK! Here’s the deal,” I explained. “Jonathan and I are 900 year old vampires. We want you and the babies to come and live with us as a family in Taiwan. You can live as mortals until such time as you decide, if you decide, to also become vampires. It will be your decision. All we ask is that you keep our secret. Now, we’ve given you a lot to think about—we’ll take our leave, and come back to check you and the babies out of the hospital tomorrow evening.”
Later that evening the nurses were busying themselves with the twins and Brangelina. One of them asked Brangelina if she expected any more company. She answered, “NAH! MRS. HENDERSON IS OFF SKYDIVING WITH HER 900 YEAR OLD HUSBAND.”
The next evening the Hendersons came to claim their new family at the hospital. When they returned to the apartment building, Jonathan said, “Just follow that wire straight up. It leads right to the apartment.” Brangelina replied, “WAIT! THAT’S A WIRE—NOT A LADDER!” Tina laughed, and said, “Old Fool, he forgot you can’t fly! We’ll take the elevator.”