Mother having Heart Bypass Surgery tommorrow, should I drop everything and fly home regardless of the cost?

My Mother (age 78) who I have a distant relationship in recent years, has heart problems and is scheduled for emergency heart bypass surgery tommorrow. I do not know what to do. One of my sisters who has a better relationship with Mom has flown out to help my Father and is taking off from work this week.

My other sister and I are debating if it is worth the cost and problems at work. They live in medium sized town 1000 miles away, with limited air servive, so a last minute ticket would cost about $900. Add the cost of car rental and hotel and you are talking about some serious money. I have one other sister who lives near by who is also doubtful she will make the long and expensive trip.

Mom and Dad and I have always been distant and we only see each other on Christmas and talk maybe twice a year by phone. Conversations are brief and forced.

What would you do?


I work at a company that would not allow me to use sick leave to go out there because I am not the primary care giver, so I would have to go leave without pay.

17 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    well as a nurse who treats terminally ill cancer patients daily I would say absolutely. she gave birth to you she raised you. went to your school things and birthday parties and prom she was there for it all. Go make ammends for things that happened in the past that brought you farther apart. things that somehow pushed you away let her know you love her deep down and forgive each other. any surgery is risky heart surgery is especially so. think to yourself what is more important the money I can re earn at work or the mother who could possibly not make it through surgery or have serious complications and died thinking I did not care love or forgive her for past hurts. you could save on rental car by asking sibling who lives there to pick you up and you can try saving tickets money by checking flight availability often or cheap there are also flight you can name your price and an airline will accept it or refuse it to try to get a cheaper ticket. try a travel agent explain circumstances they can often help with a reduced rate. good luck I will pray for your mom to be in the hands of an amazing surgeon who is guided by God to heal your mom andlet her recover quickly.

  • 1 decade ago

    Did your dad or mom ask you to fly in? Is this surgery life threatening--that her body may not hold up in surgery? If she has a good chance of getting through the surgery ok, then I would:

    1. wait until after the surgery

    2. wait until I can get better cost tickets and

    3. after the sister who flew out has left

    because you dont all need to be there all at once, you and your other sister can delay visiting, you can visit a few days after your 1st sister leaves, then your 3rd sister who hasnt flown out yet to visit after you have left so that you all can take turns taking care of mom and give your dad time to relax to do his own stuff as well. Is he working? If he is, then your 1st sister will be there, let's say until next monday the 19th. you visit that next week on the 20th-27th and your other sister who hasnt flown out yet visit 28th-june 4th.

    I would let your dad, 1st sister and 3rd sister know that this is what you plan to do so there is no misunderstandings.

    Even though you have not been very close, if you think you should visit your mom and care for her, you should. You want to do the right thing now so you dont hold any feels of guilt later.

    The only reason not to visit is if they told you not to visit.

  • 1 decade ago

    The fact that you would even have to get a hotel room is outragoues, you are visiting family, why couldn't you stay with them...but I guess that explains the "relationship" you have.

    If you don't talk but twice a year, don't go all out now, funny how things work, when you think they'll be here forever, you take then for granted, but when they may be on thier death bed, everybody wants to out the "s" on thier chest.

    Call and check up on her, I am not blaiming you for the faults of the relatinship, but stay home, and make calls, that's what you guys been doing all these years anyway, or you could make the first move, and be the adult......and....go....see.....your.....mother.

  • A W
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I would. Call the airlines and inquire about a bereavement flight. They are typically half the cost and are for emergencies.

    Eighteen years ago this August, my mom had a stroke. It left her partially paralyzed and she was never the same. Six months later, in January, my dad had a heart attack and had a triple bypass. Both of my parents have since passed away, mom was 11 years ago, dad was 5 years ago. I was never close to my parents but I will tell you one thing. I wish they were still here. I wish I had told them a LOT more often that I loved them.

    You only have one set of parents. They won't be around forever. You don't need to go and stay for weeks on end but I would go and stay 3 days. Screw IS more important than work.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would probably either get the plane ticket and go or drive out there.

    If something goes wrong during surgery and she passes away will you have any regret for not being there? If the answer is yes than I think you should spend the extra money and go if the answer is no not really than don't bother.

    I hope this helps. Its always hard when things interfere with money and work especially when you aren't really close with the relative. I also hope that you make the right decision for you and for no one else. =)

  • 1 decade ago

    i suggest that you should book the earliest flight home right away! You may have grown distant with your parents in these recent years but that doesn't dismiss the fact that you all are still one family.

    I'm sure your Mum, dad and sisters would all the emotional support that they can get.


  • 1 decade ago

    Absolutely! If it were my mother I would go across the world to be with her in what could possibly be the last moments of her life. Surgery is a serious thing and nothing would stand in my way to be with my MOM. If you explain your situation to the airline often times they give discounts for the emergency situation.

  • Now she is your mother and I normally would say that you should be there. But given that you don't have a very good relationship with her, I would say that the least you could do is to call her. Tell her that you thoughts are with her. God forbid that something would happen to her in surgury you would feel really bad.

    So call her, call your dad, and then check up on them after the surgury is over.

    Good luck and God bless.

  • 1 decade ago

    i dont know all about yalls relationship, but if it was me i would go home. i understand where you are coming from because my mom has a severe heart condition so i have to think how i would react to the situation. she's in her old age & since the surgery is an emergency, i would deffinately go home. i hope the surgery goes well & good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    I would. Even if your conversations are distant, shes your mother. She may not be here much longer and your need to show her you care about her and everything shes done for you. If you can't make it out, at least call every hour or so to check on her and your family.

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