Question!Would you all like to get a wee laugh at something that went on in an American Court of Law ?

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court."

These are things people actually said in (an American) court, word for word:

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

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Q: And where was the location of the accident?

A: Approximately milepost 499.

Q: And where is milepost 499?

A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?

A: After the accident?

Q: Before the accident.

A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

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Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?

A: What disco am I at?

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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

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Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

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Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you

check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Update:

I just love the Americans, I would love to get something the same from a Scottish Court of Law, I think that would be hilarious.

22 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Yer a wee bonny lass,dear Suzie!

    We Yanks love you Scots as well.

    I once heard testimony like this---

    "At that time I saw a policeman's hat.Then,I saw that there was a policeman under it"

    That was in Cincinnati,Ohio,USA.

    Source(s): A true Scot! You really get your 5 points worth when you ask a question,Suzie Q!
  • 1 decade ago

    Very good, I don't doubt any of them after reading Jasper Carrots book on how Americans report accidents in America, get the book its hilarious. eg I saw the sad face of this old man as he bounced over my bonnet. 2/ The man was every where, I had to swerve three times before I hit him. 3/ I was reversing into my drive when I collided with a tree that I don't have. and many more.

    Source(s): Jasper Carrot
  • 1 decade ago

    I love these silly things, to add a touch, people sue others for really strange reasons. It is documented a woman filed a lawsuit against Mogan David Wine, because her husband got drunk from it and he slept with the neighbor lady.

    I wonder if the neighbor shared some of that wine?

  • ROXY
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    so , when u guys stoped rolling on the floor and pulled urself together, here are a few more ,from council complaint letters .

    *my bush is realy overgrown round front,and my back passage has fungus growing in it .

    *he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and i just can't take it anymore .

    *it's the dogs mess i find hard to swallow .

    *i wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof ,i think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

    ...and there are plenty more where these came from .

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  • Bob H
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I haven't gotten jury duty for a while, but if I were a comedian seeking new material; a N.Y.C. courthouse would be the first place I'd look.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't know if it's because it's 4.30am or what but I absolutley turned blue laughing at those, a serious case of suffocation giggles, you could have found yourself arrested for murder!

    Brilliant.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Oh this is just so wonderful & could only happen in America mind you I'm surprised it doesn't happen in Ireland too. Thankyou for brightening up my day.

  • Sally
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Got these in an email a few weeks ago.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Very collection,indeed. As the saying goes ' You ask silly question and you will get silly answer.', the last said it all. Loved that one.

  • Donna
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Suzie, You have done it again! I really had a crappy day and I am sitting here, laughing my head off. The last one is my favourite.

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