Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

My wife informed me that she purposely lost our child...?

My wife and I are getting a divorce. She informs me just the other day that she needed to get something off of her chest. She told me that when she was pregnant with our child (who she miscarried almost 7 years ago), she CAUSED it purposely. I don't know how to take this or what to do with the information. How can I get support knowing that my ex-wife killed our unborn child? I know women's rights, yada yada...I don't want to hear answers about it's her choice, I want to know who I go to in order to feel somewhat better. It is like it happened all over again, only this time, the pain is worse! (I am agnostic...don't need to hear christian clichés please)

Update:

When she found that she was pregnant, she began to slam herself into walls, hit herself in the stomach and god knows what else...she literally did it on purpose. I am just in shock and literally sick to my stomach.

Update 2:

She did it because she "was not ready" and was "scared."

We were young, not married yet and as we were both (at the time) christians, I guess she didn't want to be ridiculed.

Judging by the look in her eye and on her face when she told me, it was true. We have been married for 5 years and together for 7 1/2. You can tell when you are being lied to in that situation...she isn't a great actress.

22 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Glad you qualified responses as I can't stand to read these cliche' comments about see a counselor, pray, etc. These are all important but obvious statements to most.

    First off - You're 100% on the money about divorcing this evil B*tch! There is no other way to say it she is EVIL! If you have other kids today make sure you get them who knows what this self center B*tch can do.

    If I were you I'd find a group of responsible husband that have gone through similar things where you can meet and discuss everything. It's one thing to go to an a guy with an MBA and a couselors license but it's a whole different experience talking with people who are in the same shoes.

    Good luck!

  • DSL
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I am sorry you had to hear that info, but is it possible she lied to you (about causing it) because she is angry about the impending divorce?

    The only thing you can do to feel better is seek counseling to help you handle your anger, grief, frustration - whatever this news has made you feel. You cannot change what happened, and she did not commit a crime (at least the law would not consider it a crime after 7 years - statute of limitations) and her purposeful activity would be nearly impossible to prove anyway, even if you had suspected it at the time.

    I am atheist and miscarried 15 months ago and have not been able to conceive since - my husband and I are dealing with medical issues we never knew I had until the mc - the pain lessens everyday - but sometimes it hurts worse when I see babies the age ours would be now. After 7 years in your case, if the pain still seems fresh, please see a therapist - you need to be able to move on for your own peace of mind.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I really don't know who can help you but you do need to remeber that she will have to deal with a lot more pain than you have to deal with because she is teh one who purposely did it. I don't know what else to say because you say that you are an agnostic but were a christian. I could sit here and over-analyze why the things that are happening are happening to you, but I think that maybe you already know that. I can not possibly fully understand your pain, but do understand that everything that has led to this point has been hard and painful. You seriously need to go find an unbiased counselor that can understand how you feel. The ex wife definately needs a psychiatrist though.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That's why I think it's not right for the woman to have the only choice with a child that took TWO people to create.

    I'm very sorry to hear that, but unfortunately I don't know if there's anything you could do.

    I think it's wrong to because a man who purposefully causes a miscarriage is sent to jail if the mother wanted to keep the baby, but if the woman wants it dead, no questions asked.

    If you're divorcing, let yourself heal for a bit and I hope you find a real woman who loves you and who will be happy to have your child.

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  • Susan
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I can only imagine how difficult this is for you all. Grief has so many different stages. But it sounds like your wife is in denial.She's in more emotional trouble than you right now. Sounds like she's trying to escape the pain of dealing with her grief. If you're on good terms with her ex, maybe you could enlist some help? The longer she goes on without coping with your son's death, the more likely it is that she will become addicted to alcohol or drugs. I wish you so much luck.. Be strong for your little girl.

  • 1 decade ago

    What she did was inhumane to you and your unborn child. It is sad. Thank god you guys are no longer together. She sounds very messed up in the head. I don't even want to imagine what she would of done with the baby after it was born. I don't know what can make the pain go away. It is going to take time. This is very traumatic what happened to you and you have every right to me in pain. I think personal counseling would help you alot.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would rejoice in the knowledge that this unborn child was spared from dealing with the kind of crap you're having to deal with right now. I'm an agnostic, too, but it makes certain sense to take comfort in the fact that someone is in the "better place". Would you REALLY rather see your kid suffering this divorce right here with you?

    P.S. I'm sorry to hear your story, it sounds horrible.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Wow. That is so painful I really don't know what to say. I am sorry for your loss and I can imagine that it does feel like going through it all over again. I really believe you need to speak to a trained professional about this. You are probably going to need help to work through the grieving process of both the loss again, and also the anger and betrayal of what your wife has done. I'm so sorry.

  • Angel
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I don't know how your wife could make herself have a miscarriage, she is probably only telling you this to hurt you.. And you must realize that, other wise this would mean that your soon to be ex wife is a uncaring individual who has no value on a unborn baby life.

    Which I find this hard to believe that she caused this miscarriage but is simply only trying to inflict pain upon you.

    be glad than that you will soon be rid of this individual from your life.

    If you feel the need to talk with someone, speak with a therapist.

    Best of Luck

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am so sorry. There is nothing you can do to prepare for something like this. You cannot control her behavior. Just know that getting the divorce is the best thing for you. Move on and find a woman that will be honest and trustworthy.

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