I was a stay at home mom for 10 year or so. I loved raising the kids, volunteering at school, going on field trips with the kids, etc. But I dread to this day the maid position and the taking care of my hubby like I'm his mom.
So, I work outside the home and the kids pay for it in lost attention. Now they come home to noone, are barely passing school and are starting to hang with the wrong people.
Hubby expected me as a SAHM to be the maid - I was staying home to raise children, not care for the house. In my mind, everyone who lives at the house should be caring for it - not the one sitting home all day. I don't think it is right for the exchange to be making money or be the dumped on maid.
While I am working full-time, meeting a military reserve obligation (most of the time - although I just ETS'd a few months ago), going to college classes (about to graduate), I still did the bills, and aided in the house upkeep.
Plus, as a SAHM, when hubby and I argued, it was always "well if you don't like it you can leave because I am paying all the bills". Hubby doesn't get much sex these days because after all, we are both working to pay the bills and I'm not a hooker. If I have no respected value if I am not earning a paycheck, well, then I guess he can love up on the bank or something.
Don't get me wrong - we are quite devoted to each other. But it was really annoying to be putting so much time into the kids and guiding them to good grades, respectable character, good life lessons like they were learning to cook at age 9/10 with guidance rather than this recent "cook for self cuz mom and dad are at work" thing.
I think the exchange stinks. I'd rather be home raising kids than at a job earning money. But staying home means I am the dumped on maid and low life no money earner. So where are the acceptable options.
Even now with the difficulties with the kids, hubby has no problem with me quitting my job, but expects the house to be spotless and food cooked and such. Sorry, I won't stay home for that treatement.
When he goes to work and earns a check, he can choose what work he wants. If he works sales and can't stand it, he can leave and go to programming if he's trained. He can choose outdoor work or indoor work. When he gets sick of his boss, he can leave. When I stay home to raise kids, my task list is handed to me. I can't quit and pick different work and get the same satisfaction of raising the kids. There isn't any respect for me to stay home.