Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Scared of sex: 26 yr old straight man, non-virgin?

I'm 26 and I'm terrified of sex. Every sober chance to have sex, I freeze and go into a major panic attack. Despite this, I want sex. (not a relationship)

Some background about myself. I was in a non-sexual relationship when I was 20-21. My girlfriend was often impatient about sex, and very frustrated. She would insinuate, ask, offer me anything I want. I couldn't do it. I couldn't have sex with her. It ... the idea felt like rape. We never had sex. She kept telling me to, "be a man," but I couldn't.

When I went away to school, she and I disconnected and since have remained friends. Women at school were interested in me, but I dashed their advances. I eventually met a woman who got me drunk on her dime and would have sex with me. She was a virgin as well at first. We did it 4 times, after that, I stopped talking to her.

I have not had sex since. Whenever the opportunity presents itself I "cockblock" myself. Mostly, it's due to panic attacks. Why can't I have a normal sex life?


The question I'm sure many of you will ask is if I've ever been sexually abused. The answer is no, not to my knowledge.

I do not normally get panic attacks, although I used to be when I was 16. The symptoms of the attacks are nausea, dizziness, upset stomach, heart palpatations, inability to speak...etc. Most of these seem more symptomatic to being sexually excited, however, there's a mental aspect. I completely shut down. I go limp. I can't reason. I fugue (want to escape, run). I begin to act different, less like myself, and when the woman tries to touch me, I pull away.

Sex was not pleasurable when I had it. It hurt. It was uncomfortable. I would rather masturbate.

Update 2:

Both my parents are psychotherapists.

I have as yet been unable to form a meaningful relationship with one of those nutjobs.

No offense to those who it works for, but if you knew what they talk about when they get home or when you get out of the office. Confidentiality is a myth. Sure, they don't use last names, but first names is enough, and trust me, they make fun of your problems if you have enough of them.

No... no shrinks for me.

Update 3:

I am not gay. 100% certain. I'm posting anonymously, I have nothing to gain from withholding that from my question.

7 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    try it in the ear, good practice

    like training wheels

    Source(s): experience
    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    You might want to consider seeing a psycho-therapist about this. You probably are able to get past this, which may seem scary now, but in the future you may thank yourself for it. Just give it a try, have a friend come with you so that you don't back out.

    When you say you want sex, and not a relationship, you may want to talk about that too in therapy. Most people feel a yearn for a meaningful relationship. The sex issue and relationship issue are possibly related.

    Sex-related issues are quite common. Just take care of yourself and talk to a professional as you would go to a doc. for a physical issue. There's possibly a whole new and exciting aspect of life to explore and enjoy. :)

    Best Wishes!

    Source(s): psych major
    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    I think that you need therapy to figure out what the root of the problem is. Something must keep you from enjoying sex. The anxiety is always going to keep you from being able to do this unless you find out why you feel the way you do.

    I am not judging believe me but is it at all possible that you are gay and haven't come to terms with it.

    If so then this is also something that you could work out in therapy. I truly wish you well. Good luck.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think there must be more details that date back further than was mentioned here. I believe it is in your best interest to seek therapy & maybe get a prescription for some Xanax or something, so you can ease these attacks, or keep them from coming on.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    You may have a fear of children or STD's. This is smart and natural. You don't NEED to have sex at all, so just don't do it if you don't want to. Your life will be much easier and much more peaceful without kids or diseases.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    You really need to talk to a sex therapist, it seems like what you have is a mental thing... Good luck...

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    talk to your dr there is some med you can take just like Bob....

    • Login to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.