Scared of sex: 26 yr old straight man, non-virgin?
Some background about myself. I was in a non-sexual relationship when I was 20-21. My girlfriend was often impatient about sex, and very frustrated. She would insinuate, ask, offer me anything I want. I couldn't do it. I couldn't have sex with her. It ... the idea felt like rape. We never had sex. She kept telling me to, "be a man," but I couldn't.
When I went away to school, she and I disconnected and since have remained friends. Women at school were interested in me, but I dashed their advances. I eventually met a woman who got me drunk on her dime and would have sex with me. She was a virgin as well at first. We did it 4 times, after that, I stopped talking to her.
I have not had sex since. Whenever the opportunity presents itself I "cockblock" myself. Mostly, it's due to panic attacks. Why can't I have a normal sex life?
I do not normally get panic attacks, although I used to be when I was 16. The symptoms of the attacks are nausea, dizziness, upset stomach, heart palpatations, inability to speak...etc. Most of these seem more symptomatic to being sexually excited, however, there's a mental aspect. I completely shut down. I go limp. I can't reason. I fugue (want to escape, run). I begin to act different, less like myself, and when the woman tries to touch me, I pull away.
Sex was not pleasurable when I had it. It hurt. It was uncomfortable. I would rather masturbate.
I have as yet been unable to form a meaningful relationship with one of those nutjobs.
No offense to those who it works for, but if you knew what they talk about when they get home or when you get out of the office. Confidentiality is a myth. Sure, they don't use last names, but first names is enough, and trust me, they make fun of your problems if you have enough of them.
No... no shrinks for me.