Both families described empowering help givers as listening-to what they had to say and truly wanting to understand their concers and needs . In contrast , help givers judged unhelpful were described as“not wanting to hear ”the families and their concerns. Effective helping , for example , occurred when a help givers assisted the Andrews in clarifying their concerns and identifying their needs by clearly communicating that she was there to assist the family（”How can I help you?”）, and spent two hours listening to and talking with the family before offering advice and assistance . In contrast , the Andrews described another help giver as being aloof and“treating us as if we didn’t know anything about our child“.
Two particular helping styles and behaviors were consistently mentioned by both families as having either empowering or usurping influences. One concerned partnerships and parent-professional collaboration , and another concerned the locus of decision making. Descriptions of help giver-help seeker exchanges that occurred within the context of joint efforts were consistently associated with high degrees of control. The Andrews described one help giver as “willing to work with us ”to get needed resources. Similarly, Mary Mathews described one situation where she and the help giver“started getting into rhythm with one another and everything ”. In contrast , paternalistic tendencies were associated with the families’ lackof sense of control. One help giver , for example , told the Andrews that “we（the professionals ）are in charge here”and told the family how they wanted Jill to be cared for . Likewise, Mary Matthews described a situation in which a help giver “wanted to take over completely”and leave her out of all health care decisions involving Sue.
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兩個家庭描述授權幫助送禮者和聽對什麼他們必須說和真實地想要瞭解他們的concers 和需要。相反, 幫助送禮者被判斷無用是被描述的as"not 想要聽見" 家庭和他們的關心。有效幫助, 例如, 發生了當幫助送禮者協助了Andrews 在澄清他們的關心並且鑒別他們的需要通過清楚地通信那她那裡在協助family?"How 能我幫助您?"?, 並且花費二個小時聽對和談話與家庭在提供忠告和協助之前。相反, Andrews 作為是描述了其它幫助送禮者超然物外的and"treating 我們好像我們不知道什麼關於我們的孩子" 。
二特殊幫助的樣式和行為由兩個家庭一致地提及了像有或授權或強佔影響。你有關合作和父母專家合作, 並且另有關政策制定所在地。幫助的描述送禮者幫助發生在共同努力之內上下文一致地同高度控制聯繫在一起的尋找者交換。Andrews 描述了一個幫助送禮者像"願工作與我們" 得到需要的資源。同樣, 瑪麗・Mathews 描述了她和幫助giver"started 互相進入節奏和一切" 的一個情況。相反, 家長式傾向同控制聯繫在一起家庭的lackof 感覺。一個幫助送禮者, 例如, 告訴了"we?the 專家?are 負責here"and 告訴家庭的Andrews 怎麼他們要Jill 關心對。同樣, 瑪麗・Matthews 描述了幫助送禮者"想接收completely"and 的情況留下她在所有醫療保健決定外面涉及蘇Source(s): 自己