i hurt my wife's feelings and trust. how can i make things right again?
because of past problems i was never able to open up and talk about problems as easy as other people....
because of recent fights and financial problems i became stressed and worried, but didn't want my wife to worry about things so i never said anything. just started playing a online PC game and met some poeple (that kept my mind busy and forget about problems) after a while it turned into a addiction and i was only playing (without realising) ... was finding reasons to fight so i can play more, never was there for my wife when she was sad and depressed, when she told me how i was acting i said she was crazy and that's not true, made her feel like i was trying to push her out of my life...she now feels like she can't trust me like befor and doesn't know what will happen between us. i now finally realised all the mistakes i did and i started going to a therapist to help me get over my trust and communication problems.
i love my wife and i never wanted this to happen, what can i do?
it was online game (world of warcraft) not chatting of surfing the internet ... i told her everything somany times now and i will still her everyday.
i know she still loves me, she tells me everyday.... but right now she says she needs time to think about things and figure out what she wants. she is still mad about how i treated her and i understant that.
we can talk anddo stuff together, hug each other and sometimes give a small kiss. when i say i love you she says it back. we can talk about future plans, and she even metions things.
but she says she still needs some space to think about things and doesn't know what will happen, she is just trying to think positive about us (most of the time) even though she normally always thought negatively.
i realise now all the bad things that i did, i know now how lonely i made her feel because i feel the same way now!!! it hurts SOOOO much inside my heart that i cry everyday about it. i'm scared! i miss us kissing and everything else!
i know that by just telling her that i finally realised everything i did wrong, all the pain i caused her she will have a hard time to beleave it. i realise that my actions will have to speak louder then my words and that things will take time. but even though she can't tell me that she doesn't know what will happen or if this will end. i see everyday howmuch she cares for me and loves me, what she does, how she talks to me, she allways worried about me (because i have 2 jobs now and sleep only few hours a day) scared i will get into a accident... knowing how depressed i am and coming to me when i cry to try to make me feel better. tells me not to think about the bad things that might happen because things might happen like that.....
i know she wants to try to trust me again and let us get past this, because she is still with me (wears her wedding band, sleeps next to me, etc) but still i'm scared that ALL my mistakes where just to much for her to get past them and that it's to late
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
lack of communication and trust is a BIG issue in a relationship... i ignored your wife and now seeking for her foregiveness... it's hard for her you know. in a marriagge we seek companionship so that will make life worthwhile to live.... but you didnt give it to her when she needed it. but it's a good thing that you came to realise this now.... you have to sit and talk to her your situation and ask her forgiveness. ask her for another chance for both of you. i believe you deserve it.
Now you have to build trust in your wife again and rekindle the feeling you both had when you're newly married. try eating togather aleast a meal. be there next to her when she cooks the meal or help her to setup the table... Give her big hug when you come back after work and tell her how lovely she is. try to give her small give (doesnt have to be expensive) but meaningfull gift. try to sit atleast one hour with each other not watching TV... just both of you and enjoy both companion.... you know what she likes such ask her fav. food or drink... try to prepare if not buy for her...
remember special dates such as birthday... the 1st day you both met or said i do.... woman really luvs when guys remember this dates... she will keep a mind note that you appreciate her.... write to her small notes like " I love you or you're my world" and please mean it... Girls dont actually need costly present but you have make them feel that they are always on their mind and you love them no matter what. be open about your feeling... it's not wrong telling your woman 'you cant live without her or just giving her kiss when you come back" this will assure your women how you feel about her.
try this and good luck your relationship will be on the love road again. remember do it with all your heart and dont change in the middle of the road as it will be double hit for your wife...
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Keep trying. Ask her to go away and think about what would make her trust you again. And then do it. Tell her as well she can ask you any question under the sun and you will answer. Tell her not to show you the list beforehand but just bring it, and you will answer honestly.
And maybe tell her exactly what you told us (if you haven't already). Tell her she's not crazy, she was right but that you were doing this for the game.
Don't you if your theapist is also encouraging you with this but take up some new activities and hobbies with your wife. Something you will both have to talk about. That can help the rest of the communication flow. And you know what really helps...there is a massage course you can do as a couple that helps with improving non-verbal communication.
Sorry thought of one more thing: there is a book called the 5 love languages. I am not suggesting you read it but learn what they are (takes about 10 mins!) and think about which one or two are yours...and ask her which she thinks are hers. Then you each know how to make the other feel loved.
(Believe me, Yahoo Answers has been a drain on my life...)
- kttphoenixLv 51 decade ago
If its Second Life, I can understand. I play a lot too, but my fiancee and I live 200 miles apart for now. I would givie it up if my wife were here, or at the very least only be on for a couple hours a day or when she was at work or out or soemthing. Maybe take a month waway from itto devote ot yor wife. I bet when you go back you won't be so obsessed, and you can limit it easly then.
- 1 decade ago
You've already done the hardest part. Admit what went wrong and try to fix it.
Can you afford to take her on a trip? Take her on a great adventure. It doesn't have to be expensive. Maybe a Motel 6 tour of your state. Maybe two nights at a nearby attraction area. And plan adventures for the day.
What does she like to do? Plan a little adventure around what she likes. Find a hobby that she might like that the both of you can do. My husband and I fish. Maybe that. Or camping. Or gardening! Start a vegetable garden together. Pick some seeds and spend a few minutes everyday tending them.
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- James WatkinLv 71 decade ago
If she is willing to go to marriage counseling you two may make it. But you have to be accountable to her at all times because of the betrayal until she does trust you again. Even if she questions you for the next 40 years. Even if it gets annoying. You created this huge monster in the room. The only thing that rebuilds trust is when someone proves themself to truly have changed and that can take a lifetime. And even after you think you have proven yourself, she may not. And she has every right to those feelings. You caused the mess. The question is, are you willing to stay in your marriage and make things right for as long as it takes for her to trust you again? Because a year from now when she thinks you are lying and you think she should get over it, she may still be working through it. And five years from now, when you think she should be over it, she still may not be.
When trust is broken it just doesn't magically repair itself. It takes hard work, mostly on your part. 99 percent on your part. And counseling. And you realizing every time she questions you or doesn't believe you, that you destroyed this part of your marriage. Not her.
Go to counseling. Get rid of your computer. That is a biggy. Every time you are on line, she is going to worry now, because of you. You caused the computer to be an issue in your marriage too. So you have to decide if it is more important than the woman you promised to honor before God. And give her time. Lots of time. It may take the next 40 years, but that is marriage. Good times and bad times. Just don't create bad times like this again. And don't you ever tell her to get over it. Even forty years from now. You did this, not her.
- mimzyLv 61 decade ago
You just did the very best thing you can do for your wife - and that is to sit her down and tell her everything you just said in your question. You realize your problems and that is the beginning of healing - and the first step is admitting where you've gone wrong. You know what your problems are - now - go ahead and correct them. I don't see any reason why she shouldn't forgive you - good luck :)
- ChamLv 61 decade ago
Well stay off the net!! I am happy you are seeing a therapist however ..DO NOT GO NEAR THE INTERNET like you are now..it is only showing her that she can't trust you.
NOW get off it and romance and love that wife of yours talk to her about your past share things with her...
and best of luck to you
- 1 decade ago
I co-sign this one: "Well stay off the net!!"
Run, don't walk, away. buy a rodent to chew through the DSL or cable line that connects it.
Counseling is good. Couples counseling is too. Sometimes it's really ugly and painful and awful before it gets good.
- 1 decade ago
It will take some time and a lot of communication. She needs to know that you trust her enough to talk to her about everything. Not cut her out when things get difficult.