Would life ever get better for me?

Why can’t I stop taking cocaine drugs? I'm 24, male and feel so miserable. Divorced with two kids. No job. Useless. I have no fear and feel evil. I was abused sexually when I was a child. Feel like no one cares. I do illegal activities to support myself and I am at community service and 2 years probation... show more Why can’t I stop taking cocaine drugs?
I'm 24, male and feel so miserable.
Divorced with two kids. No job. Useless. I have no fear and feel evil. I was abused sexually when I was a child. Feel like no one cares. I do illegal activities to support myself and I am at community service and 2 years probation since 2006 for fraud. Nothing makes me happy. I'm being sent back to court for breaching probation but I’ve explained to by Probation officer but she is still returning to court. Since January 08 my temper has gone worse. I feel to fight and argue with everyone. I feel to end my life but my mind and body is so sad. I eat a proper meal once every 2-3 days. I’ve been homeless for 2 weeks but when my parents are away, my brother lets me stay. The council won’t find me a shelter because I’m not priority in their eyes. Therefore I’ve been living in a crack house and I’m using more cocaine and started smoking heroin. I’ve told my P.O but I just think no one cares. I seriously want to finish my life so all this problem can end. I think the government are placing Masonic symbols in signs and signals to brainwash the public. I think I see and feel a present behind me but nothing is there. What a crappy wasted life. No future for me.
Update: I have no where to turn so I'm asking people for advice. I have no money.
Update 2: i was going to commit suicide 2 months back. I wrote a two page letter and was so serious. but im not looking for attention i just feel fed up.
Update 3: you see I have so many mood swings. 1 minute im smiling and the next i feel evil.
47 answers 47