Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles Β· 1 decade ago

Passport application?

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money


if I fail to claim in good time.

Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have

Update 2:

simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address.

What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile

Update 3:

in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...

who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen.

9 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This made me laugh so much and reminded me of one of the reasons why I left the U.K. and moved to Spain, only to find that bureaucracy here is ten times worse ! ! ! ! ! ! ! To live here and buy a house, car, caravan, boat etc., you are required to have a NIE number. The only trouble is in order to obtain that all important NIE number you have to leave your place of residence at approximately 4 a.m. in the morning (or earlier), travel over an hour, find the appropriate government building in Alicante (horrendous in itself). Take a ticket from the ticket machine, which more than often than not is out of order. Wait in a queue until your appropriate number is called, approximately 4 hours (if you're lucky). Have your form stamped, make your way to the bank with precious form, where you need to pay for the privilege of obtaining the NIE, have your form stamped by the bank as proof of payment, then go back to the end of the queue and wait all over again, only to find that the office shuts at 4 p.m. and you are the hundredth person in the queue, so no luck today. Repeat process again tomorrow. Phew ! ! ! ! ! ! - - - - - - - - and to answer your question, it's called PROGRESS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

    Source(s): Ex pat from U.K. (living in Spain) and fed up to the back teeth with bureaucracy ! ! ! ! ! !
  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Best advice to anybody about to apply for a passport is to fill the application online then take their copy to the passport office. Your wait at the passport office is fraction of the time than that of someone who hand-wrote their application. I was in and out of the passport office in 15 minutes (in Brampton). My longest wait was in the prescreening to make sure my paperwork was in order (10 minutes). I then received my passport in 2 1/2 weeks from the point I left the passport office. Mailing in passports the wait time to receive one is up to 60 days. Also if you handwrite your application and are planning to go to the passport office to hand it in. Prepare a lunch! There are signs up saying that "Even if you receive a number you may not be garanteed to be served" People who apply online get bumped ahead of you!

  • Wiss
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I totally understand your situation! When I was applying for my daughter and I to move here to Norway, I filed both on the same day, at the post office, with assistance. Therefore everything was correct. A week later hers came in the mail, and a nice big letter for me stating they didnt have enough proof of my Identity. Them please tell me, how did my 4 yr old get one, IM HER MOTHER. Its rediculous! I called and flipped out saying whats the issue and I got answers ranging from 'you haven't held your drivers lisence long enough' to 'are you sure you weren't married before?' After numerous people and having to send in mine and my entire immediate familys whole life stories from the time we were all born, it turned out to be due to an internal error. Whoever processed my application put that I used to go by another name. That other name was a hypenated combination of my fathers last name and my mothers maiden that they must have pulled from my birth certificate, even though my last name on that is clearly stated. The system is bullshit and it was the biggest most stressful headache of my life!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Dear Irate British Citizen,

    You are being issued a one-time-use Passport to get out of the country and stay out.

    Pissed off Minister!!!

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 6 years ago

    can you apply for a passport and pay for it when it arrives

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Fancy that. Bureaucracy knows no humanity.

    Hope you get to go the beach soon.

  • 1 decade ago

    Very good Story.

  • Chris
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    You get a standing ovation! We have it the same way in America.

  • 1 decade ago

    i have no idea

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.