Father has cancer....Move the wedding date up?
My father was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in November '05, and has undergone radiation and chemo every 6 months since. The docs say he should live a normal healthy life regardless of the cancer, but he is 68 years old (I am 24), and he just seems to be getting more and more tired as time goes on and he is constantly in a lot of pain. He is due for his "check up" this week to see where the cancer is and what it's doing and will probably start chemo next month. My fiance and I have planned our wedding for May '09, but we're starting to worry that my dad either won't be here for it, or that he will be too weak to walk me down the aisle. My mom says to wait and see what the docs say on Thursday, but we all have a funny feeling about it. The cancer spread before, and we're scared it has again. (God forbid) Should we start planning to move the wedding up a few months? Like maybe later this year?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I'll tell you what my dad told me - live your life for yourselves not for me.
Why is your wedding planned for May of 2009? Just to give yourselves time to plan a big event or to have it at a certain place or because you need to finish school or save money for a house or.......
You also need to consider your fiance in all this - would he be ok with moving the wedding up? Would it make it so that his family couldn't attend?
I would wait to see what the docs say though - oncologists are fairly conservative with their projections on survival so you should have a good feeling for his outlook after that.
- 1 decade ago
That's a really tough one. Firstly I'm really sorry about your dad. I think it may be best to wait for the doctor's verdict on Thursday- a couple more days of waiting wont make a huge difference to changing your wedding plans. Also, have you spoken to your dad about moving the wedding date closer? He may appreciate being part of the decision. If you don't think he would be able to walk you down the aisle then maybe look at how quickly you can organise your wedding.
Were you planning to have it in church or as a civil ceremony? Perhaps you could have the ceremony while your dad is still relatively able and save the reception for a later date?
At the end of the day, despite anyone else's opinion it's your wedding day and only you can make the decision. Good luck with your wedding and all the best to your dad.
- 1 decade ago
You really have to look deep within yourself on this one. It is a tough choice. Are you waiting to have the wedding to save up money? or did you just plan that May would be a good time and couldnt squeeze it in this year..? IF you are waiting because of money.. dont strap your pocket book.. but if you just were waiting just cause.. consider moving it. Especially if your fiance is okay with it.. Your dad is an important part of your life. And i know that feeling of wanting him to walk you down the isle.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer in Jan 07. It did NOT look good at all.. I was terrified of losing him.. My husband and I were talking about kids, and I wanted to hurry up to have kids so he could be around.. but I am glad i waited.. That is a more serious event that changes everything... he is doing well now and is "cancer free" ...
All im trying to say is that if its a bigger reason that the time of year you want to get married then maybe wait.. but if you guys just are waiting cause most people wait a year or so before getting married after engagement.. and you can arrange it without a big headache then go for it.. Chances are you could move it ahead and your dad is fine next year too.. if you think you will be bummed you moved it if everything works out next year and so on.. maybe reconsider!!
GOOD LUCK! I pray for you and your family you have the miracle I had.. and a continuing healthy father!
- 1 decade ago
I'm so sorry you have to make this decision. If I were in your shoes, I'd move up the date and time it for when he's feeling strongest (even if it's this summer), not just end of the year (which could be right before or right after chemo). Talk to the doctor about what the best timing will be. Beautiful weddings can, indeed, be done in 2 months or less if need be.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
I think your mom is right and you should wait until you hear what the doctors have to say. Then, I think the best thing would be to talk to him and see what he feels about it. I know your dad will probably say to go through with it (knowing how fathers usually are) but make sure he understands that you are OK with moving the date.
Either way, if you feel like moving the date would be the best thing, then still, wait for what the doctors have to say, and then, if need be, start moving it...your wedding is important and can always be moved but your family and dad are even more important.
- 1 decade ago
May 9th isn't that far away,,, yet i can see your situation.. I'd totally move the wedding up! Having my father there is so much more important then anything else! I wouldn't' even think twice about it..
You can always talk to him about it and tell him that him being there is important to you and you want to move the wedding up..
I was in a similar situation with a friend. Her grandmother took a turn for the worse in a nursing home.. She moved the wedding up 4 months and her grandmother passed 2 weeks after the wedding.
Plan for the unexpected! Good luck and i pray your daddy gets to walk you down the aisle! It's a feeling only a daughter and father can experience!!
- 1 decade ago
I would wait for the results, and just take it from there. I know that it must be difficult for you to even think of a wedding in a situation like this but just wait. I believe that doing the right things is being with your dad in time in need. If you feel as walking down the aisle is important with your dad; then forward the wedding.
- Anonymous4 years ago
I know this may not be popular, but you will have to deal with this guy a lot longer than the one day of the wedding. Personally, I feel he is a pain in the butt and way out of line. But if he has the kind of personality where he is going to hang on to this for the next 20 years, I would move the date. Your boyfriend should really be able to stand up to this guy and not let it have gotten this far. Now it is pretty much on your plate. This should tip you off. Welcome to the next 30 years, as long as this guy is around. You think he would be happy for his son and glad to go to the wedding. Instaed it is all about him and his schedule. I hope he does not expect you to wait for his permission before you go into labor when you have kids.
- Glamourous_GirlLv 51 decade ago
Wait till Thursday and make your decision. The doctors that deal with cancer patients are pretty accurate.
Try not to worry as it will put stress on your Dad. Try to stay positive and say that he will be there on your special day.
I recently lost someone special due to cancer, was happy that he made it to a family members wedding. We all stayed positive and we where all in tears at the wedding when he arrived.
- HopeLv 41 decade ago
If it was me I would go ahead and move it up. When I got married my dad walked me down the aisle and it meant so much to me. From what you have said I think you already know in your heart that you should move the wedding up so your dad can be there to share your special day. I do hope that things will work out for your dad and hopefully he will have many years to come for him.