Sis got mad at me cuz i wont let her live with me?

she divorced 5 y ago, has 2 kids. has lived with other family members for 2 to 3 yrs then comes back for the same.

she wrote a letter saying if there's a trust issue that she wont interfer in my family life and sees my husband as a friend.

all my family got upset with me cuz i didnt help her.

19 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Anyone that has a need to address a possible 'trust' issue with your husband, tells me there probably should be a trust issue.

    You have to do what is right for your family. She needs to be independent and start taking care of herself.

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  • 4 years ago

    I felt like I was writing this question. Lol. You aren't the only one. I talk to my mom all the time, we are good friends. All I hear from her all the time is how much she loves her grand kids and she wants to see them more. And it's a constant thing. I rarely ask her to watch my girls because I am a stay at home mom and don't need her to but there have been a couple times when I have had no one to help me out and I have had to ask her to watch them for a couple hours. She always has a reason as to why she can't watch them. It's always, I had a bad night. Or I can't handle the girls on my own and your father is working. Or she just won't answer her phone. There has even been an occasion where she was set up to watch the kids, I went over there to drop them off and she never answered her door or the phone! But the very next day I'll get an I'm sorry I really do want to spend time with them, they are the cutest girls and I brag about them to everyone. But this is the same way with my mother in law. If you ask her to come over to the house to watch the girls for an hour I'll get a long sigh and a I suppose and then it'll take her an hour to make a 5 minute drive to my home. lol Or she'll tell me that my father in law has so many errands for her to run that she can't do it. So, needless to say I never have a babysitter for anything. My husband didn't get to go Christmas shopping. He had to stay home with the girls and then when I got home that's when he found out what I got. So, I'm in the same boat as you my dear. My husband has to watch the girls when I go to my prenatal visits because I can't get my mom to watch my girls so he can go. I'm 38 weeks and these are the last appointments so I don't want my girls there for my cervix checks. lol. Parents are exhausting. They are fustrating when you are a teenager and they are fustrating when you are an adult. Hope you can work something out and have a great Christmas. God bless.

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  • bones
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I don't blame u at all for not helping her. U have your own life and family to take care of. I think if u let her stay u would be inviting in trouble with your husband, why else would she write a letter like that. She needs to grow up already she has two kids that needs stability or she will live to regret it. I think there is a bad reason why she cant stand on her own two feet. Ask your family if something goes wrong will u be able to go stay with them? She is going to keep with this same behavior using people until she has burned all her bridges. I think u made the right choice stick to it!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You did the right thing, she will never stand on her own two feet if she is not made to. Sure it's tough but you have to make her understand living with others will never work out. You can only deal with a live-in for so long. Allowing her to do so means she is getting out of taking responsibilty for herself and kids. The only reason the family got mad at you is they love her and want to help, but they are going to have to face the facts just a she is that she needs to do on her own.

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  • koiboy
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    It sounds like your sis is freeloading off of the family and it's about time someone stopped her from continuing on with this irresponsible behavior. Does she work at all? If she doesn't work, I hope she's at least collecting alimony and child support from her ex-husband. If she wasn't smart enough to do that, then she should apply for welfare from the government. Does she pay any of the relatives "rent" for staying at their place? Does she chip in for the groceries and help with chores around the house? I personally wouldn't want my brother/sister + 2 kids living with me if I lived alone.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You don't say this but you infer - that your sister is a freeloader and has mooched off of family members for 5 years. And this includes you and your husband - whom she made a play for the last time she and her kids lived with you.

    Is your family aware that Sis made a play for your husband the last time she lived with you?

    And is your family also aware of the additional costs having 3 extra people in your household - the cable bills, the long distance bills, food bills, transportation, cleaning, etc. cost you the last time you "helped" sis?

    And is your family also aware of the drama that Sis brings with her - The kids father, her friends, her kids friends, their belongings, the noise, crowding, tension etc. that you had to deal with for 2 years - the last time you "helped" sis?

    If not - then make sure they know this in a calm, but firm, manner. Be pepared to share documents (like phone bills etc. etc.) with the non-believers.

    If you feel you have no choice but to help sis one more time, contact your local housing authority and speak with someone who handles subsidised housing. No it's not always in slummy, run down neighborhoods - often subsidised housing can be in modest neighborhoods.

    Then write a letter to your sister stating that you and your husband are willing to go out on a limb financially and pay the security deposit and first month's rent on a modest house/apt of her own (on a bus line of course) of up to XXX amount -provided she works with the Housing Authority representative. The rest - utility bills, continued rent, upkeep, food etc. is up to her.

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  • jtease
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    She's mad because she's just being selfish. Let her be mad. She needs to grow up & start by acting like a responsible adult. Tell her its time she gets her life in order & be more independent. You have your own family to take care of & she should too so does everyone else. Offer your help by finding a place of her own & being more independent on living.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Then let your family take her and her kids in for 2 or 3 years and support them.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    several things, you have obligated yourself to her and helped her, yet it is apparent she expects your family to take care of her.

    In trying to help her your family has become the enabler, she needs to look to Jesus along with the entire family. Your family that wont take her in are trying to make you responsible for what they wont do.

    you have a family, and the point she made is about trust. Evidently its been an issue before... I would keep your husband at a distance from her.

    you have to decide but dont make it your choice, talk to your husband and children, not just once, first time just feel out their feelings, then talk to them individually, and dont tell your family who said what, because it will become a blame game, let your children and husband/your personal family know you will all decide together.

    please be safe and good

    *****LOVE ____God & life _____LOVE*******

    ♥♥*• have happy Easter every day resurrection hope, happy and power to be the best=

    God valentine day to ur heart today♥♥*•

    Jesus speaks from heaven Revelation 1:1 chapter 1 verse 1 & 3:19&20 "I love you and ask you to repent of sin quickly. Behold I stand/I am at your heart door and knock to come in, ask me in and i will and be your friend."

    good prayer=toi keo ai vao long/trong tham tam Jesus (i draw you near to my heart Jesus), toi rat lay lam tiec/toi goi la

    co mac toi tay dinh (I am sorry for my sins) hay tha loi cho toi (forgive me) than voi (be my friend) amen

    happy day today and forever ^*^ :)) David

    I believe in honor & marriage with respect/honor/true love.

    have good safe week princess, David

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  • 1 decade ago

    Forget it, if she is not willing to clean up her act, really change or understand your point of view, both she and the family have a bad issue of "burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on me". If you cannot find out what the issue is in the family's reasoning, let it go.

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