Are such jokes against the law?(Star if funny...)?

Here are some awesome jokes right from the courtroom (soz, all lawyers^ ^...)

*A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

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*A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.

"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."

"I'll take it," the attorney said.

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*At the United Way in a small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn’t contributed. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"

He calls up the lawyer.

"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"

The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"

The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."

"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"

The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."

"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"

The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."

"The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"

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*Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear?"

It is about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer.

The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?

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*Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"

Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t."

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*You seem to be in some distress,' said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?'

`Well, your Honor,' said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.'

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*A man went into the Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. He asked the man at the counter, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?

The man replied, "We think so - but we can't prove it yet."

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*Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while, you realize that the pig is at home in the mud.

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*Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970.

Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as efficient and half as expensive every 18 months.

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*Q: Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet deep?

A: Because deep down, they are really good guys.

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Q: What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?

A: Ten pounds - but that includes the urn.

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*As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?

The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

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*George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny's mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, "Lenny -- we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are."

George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn't tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location.

When they were low enough, George called down to the man, "Hey, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelled back, "You're in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air."

George called down to the man, "You must be a lawyer." "Gee, George," Lenny replied, "How can you tell?" George answered, "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and is completely useless".

The man called back up to the balloon, "You must be a client." George yelled back, "Why do you say that?" "Well," the man replied, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You got into your predicament through a lack of planning, and could have avoided it by asking for help before you acted. You expect me to provide an instant remedy. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Sorry if that was a bit too long.. =/..anw, have a great day~!!

15 Answers

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  • Favorite Answer

    Sal am

    I've heard one

    there was a guy on the beach , suddenly he saw a bottle coming to the beach from sea he picked up that bottle and opened it , and suddenly a Jin was in front of him he said him that you gave me freedom so i will complete your three desires , but there is a problem against your one desire all the lawyers of the world will get double of it , so the guy said its OK

    first he said i need one million dollars and he got it and all the lawyers get $ two Million , secondly he said i need a brand new car and he had it and Layers had two cars , and now boy was in a deep thought and he got an idea he said to jin i want to donate a kidney .............................

    oh poor Lawyers

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  • Wombat
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Q: What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?

    A: Ten pounds - but that includes the urn.

    lol the one above is truly great!

    George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny's mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, "Lenny -- we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are."

    George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn't tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location.

    When they were low enough, George called down to the man, "Hey, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelled back, "You're in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air."

    George called down to the man, "You must be a lawyer." "Gee, George," Lenny replied, "How can you tell?" George answered, "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and is completely useless".

    The man called back up to the balloon, "You must be a client." George yelled back, "Why do you say that?" "Well," the man replied, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You got into your predicament through a lack of planning, and could have avoided it by asking for help before you acted. You expect me to provide an instant remedy. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

    Does this have anything to do with he book Of Mice and Men?!? (like the characters!)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hahahahaha

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  • 1 decade ago

    It was well worth it,

    Didn't you know? Vampires, Cockraoches, and Lawyers all run in the same circles.

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  • Ethel
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Dears az-oles this a violation . Procedure to report me .

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Assalamoalikum

    not really funny but not bad either,YOU ARE OFFICIALLY BECOMING MY FAV QUESTIONER!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    fantastic. I'll tell my friend that, he's a lawyer!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    some good material here, many are kinda new, all were at least a chuckle...you get an "A" and a star for all your efforts and thanks!

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  • 1 decade ago

    hahahahahha v nice

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  • 1 decade ago

    I thought those were very good and interesing..thanks!!

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