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Relationship advice please? - its quite complicated?

Hey - just looking for relationship advice and I'll try and keep this as simple as I can.

I broke up with my girlfriend three and a half weeks ago, since then our respected friends have been bitching each other (my friends and family have been talking trash about my ex, and vice versa).

Both my ex and I have got our friends to stop it which is all well and good though they're are alot of gray areas left over:

I want to be friends with her and keep her in my life though she doesn't and I assume that she may want me back,

We both still have some feelings for each other, yet we tried to get back together last month though it didn't work out (went too fast!),

She's tried dating other people though can't stop thinking of me,

I've been on a date though didn't feel it was going anywhere.

At the core, my worry is about what the right thing is to, to stay in touch or not... and we cannot rule anything out in case... I don't know.

Hmmm... its really difficult, could anyone please help?

38 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well i went through this when me and my current fiance split up about a year ago we saw some other people did some things but we eventually realized(1 month after break up) that we would be better off with each other it took a lot of hard work arguing fighting but we stuck together no matter what and now we are fine we are trusting eachother and believe it or not our relationship is better than ever, even better than when we first got together...so what im saying you do it try to work it out, fight for her, get her to want to be back more than she ever has, she her you care and want to be with her and things will work out ok in the end...but if oyu want ot remain single and still be friends with her you have to talk to her as a friend not as and ex or ex lover... you have to treat her the same way you treat your friends ... such as respect her opinion (especially on you love life) and don't get made when she doesn't say somthing oyu want to hear...just treat her like a normail friend you have known for a long time..well i hope i answered you question and i hope what ever you decide its the right decision good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It only seems difficult right now. The two of you broke up because it just wasn't working out for either one of you. You want to be friends, but sometimes that takes a long time. It can't happen right away, and she knows it can't because she still has feelings. Just so you know, it is just as hard on her as it is on you. So you will have to give that part time. It's good you aren't trying to slander each other, because that only makes things with you and the other person hurt worse. However, it seems like both sides of friends and family see why you shouldn't be together.

    In the mean time, you are doing the right thing. You are working to move on. The first date never goes great after a breakup, and makes you wish you had the old person back. The main thing is that the both of you give each other your space for awhile. Figure out who each of you is without the other person. Any relationship is not going to work unless both people know and are true to themselves. That may be why you feel like there are some gray areas. They aren't in the relationship, because that's over. They are with yourselves.

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  • 1 decade ago

    WOW!!! I wish i had your problem, only kidding really. You really sound like you have yourself in a tough spot. It doesn't sound like you have things resolved in your own mind and you really need to take care of yourself first and think about what it is you really want. You broke up so obviously there was a reason and believe me i know what its like to try and be friends and stay in touch but it just doesn't work. Somehow one or the other will start something up that's for sure. Mostly because this break up is new and its easy to be with someone you are used to but it doesn't sound like you have had the chance yet to maybe meet someone else and see what happens. I have been where you are and its not a nice feeling and very confusing. Give yourself a chance and like i said make sure you take care of yourself first because nobody else will. Remember to that when you have been with someone its hard no matter what to imagine being with anyone else. Basically, from what you said about staying in touch? I don't think anyone should say whether you should or shouldn't, i think if you just sit down on your own and think about it you will come up with the decision that is best for you. I don't know if this helped any but i really do wish you all the best and remember that you do deserve the best for yourself. By the way i just wanted to mention that trying to be friends is a very hard thing to even try to do when the break up is so new but there have been alot of people that end up being friends after time has passed and the initial confusion and hurt is gone. Again i wish you all the best

    Source(s): myself
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  • 1 decade ago

    Not really that difficult at all. You say you tried to get back together and it didn't work. hmp there's your answer. It's hard to stay friends with someone you had sex with and no longer want to be in the relationship. If you cherish her friendship, give it sometime. make a clean break from her with VERY little or no contact if after about 6 months you still want to be friends try the FRIENDSHIP again, if she still wants to be more then just friends, break the friendship of for good. I think maybe after 6 months you both will realize you made the right choice in ending the relationship in the first place, if not then maybe you are right for each other. Give it some time and see. Good Luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think you need some distance for a while.

    It's difficult to heal from a breakup and even harder when the person your trying to get over is right there all the time. You both need time away form each other to come to terms with the fact that although you both care for each other, your just not a good couple.

    If you keep seeing each other on a regular basis, one or both of you will either send mixed messages to each other or one or both of you will have a hope of getting back together.

    I wouldn't try to completely avoid one another, but try to keep contact to a minimum for a while. Get past the raw emotions and then maybe you can rebuild your relationship this time as friends.

    Source(s): Personal experience
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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds complicated. Life has a way of working things out and bringing you back together if that's what fate intends. In the meantime, you should respect her wishes if she says she doesn't want to keep in touch. Try going out with your friends, meeting new people, and possibly going on some dates. Occupy your time and see what happens. Also, it's okay to be single for a while - even fun! Try not to worry about it right now - seems like you both need time to figure out what you want.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why don't you both agree not to date people for a few months time, and during that time to also hang out together as friends only. Nothing more. That way you can see if you possibly might wish to become romantic again with each other without outside distractions and pressures. If the friendship you develop during that time doesn't take you to a romantic place, then you at least will know where the two of you stand with each other without having to wonder all of the time.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Let me first ask you what was the reason for your break up? How was it? Was it violent or subtle? These are facts to consider. If you broke up violently, not physically violent but there was some kind of misunderstanding or something like that, I think you ought not to stay in touch, just let it be, move on. But on the contrary, if you broke up mutually, and maybe it was because of not spending enough time together etc, I feel that it would be best if you tried to work on your relationship. Ignore all the negativity around the two of you and just focus on your relationship. Try to work things out between the two of you, make things work this time.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Confusing. You assume she wants you back but she doesnt want to keep in touch.Yet she thinks of you while on dates with others and you do the same.

    What I suggest, is to sit her down, and decide on whether or not the love you have for one another is strong, and going to be able to with hold what the two of you go thru. You say others say negative things about the 2 of you, well, the relationship is between, You, and Her! So, maybe keeping others out of your relationship is a good place to start. From experience, thats a bad/wrong way to allow a relationship to build. (its bound to break at some point).

    Anyway, what doesnt kill a relationship will only make it stronger.

    If you love her, and want to be with her, then let her know.

    If she feels the same, then you should accept that, and let her know you feel the same.

    But you said you broke up with her, dont play with her feelings/emotions, and her heart.

    because she's one day going to realize, she dont need a boy who plays games, but a guy who knows what he wants out of a relationship, out of life, and knows how to get there.

    I wish you the best, and again, if you love her, go get her.!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    both of you are not over with each other. there's some feelings left because she and you can't move on. maybe deep inside you didn't really want to end it. relationships maybe hard and complicated and that results to breakup but that's what also strengthens a relationship. you shouldn't try dating with other people if you haven't move on, you won't even enjoy it. i suggest that you two should have a deep conversation about what both of you should do and if there's still love in you, work it out again and don't just break up whenever you encounter a problem because that's not a reasonable cause for ending it for all relationships have problems its just the way we will handle it.

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