Should we try again?
I have been in a off and on relationship with this guy for 11 years now. We have a 5 year old daughter together. I have been pregnant by this guy 4 times in those 11 years. Last year I was pregnant and miscarried in May at 3 months pregnant and I am now 8 months pregnant with a little boy. He asked me to marry him finally this christmas, 2 weeks later I gave the ring back because I didn't feel it was sincere. We have been broken up since then. No sex or anything. But as of lately, we have been becoming close again and he keeps talking about us getting married and raising our family together. I am pregnant with a boy and I know he needs his father around. The problem that we break up constantly over is his financial responsibility to us and him unable to detach from his mother. I love this man and want to be with him. I guess my question is do I give our relationship another chance or do I move on.
I appreciate the bond a man has with his mother. My problem is that he can't hold his ground when it comes to me and my kids when it comes to his mother. She doesn't respect my wishes when it comes to our children. He doesn't correct her either. He always says well you know how she is and she going to continue to act that way. I gave the ring back because he lets his mother say anything to our kids. No matter if it goes against me and his wishes or if can be vulgar. Then he wonders why I don't bring her over as often as she wants. SHe comes back home with vulgar vocabulary and everything.
We have lived together and he's a great father to our daughter. The problems I have is not that he has a relationship with his mother but how he doesn't stand up to her when he knows she's wrong. I am not an outspoken person espicially to elders. And I have a lot of respect for her as his mother and my kids grand mother. I think it's only right for him to put her in her place instead of letting her go on her ignorance sprees.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Really?? Everything in life deserves your very best try. Do you feel you have put EVERYTHING into this relationship? If no, you owe it to everyone. If yes, leave him. You are wasting both of your time.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
so what's the problem with the mom? is she always in your business? interfering in your relationship?
i think you should give it another chance.
look at it this way, you are about to have a baby, the child could use another helping hand around in his first days of life. so chill out until after the baby is born until you can revisit this problem later.
i think maybe he wasn't mature enough for marriage before, and now he's "feeling it". guys get freaked out about the marriage thing, and to be honest, if you as his woman do not expect or demand it of them, they generally avoid it. so don't take it so personally. all that romantic stuff about the guy proposing.... it's just a line of bull. guys generally have to receive the message loud and clear, you marry me, or it's over. without the drama. just a statement.
so he's ready finally. but that doesn't mean he's still overconfident, it's a new thing for him to feel "ready" so just let him get used to the idea, and don't go all drama queen on him and expect romantic declarations of unending love. just accept that he's ready (finally) and if you feel it's not sincere, it's probably just because he's a "guy" and guys don't know the correct way to say stuff to make us feel reassured.
if you move on now, your kids get a single mom and possibly a step dad. don't put them through the drama if you think this can work.
if he treats you well, and is a responsible dad, give him credit for those things.
financially, that's another issue.
you have to have "the talk". the one about how you are going to manage your finances when you are married. does he have a steady job?
hopefully he is employed, but if not, insist that he get a job and support you and the kids.
if he wants to marry you, then he must be responsible for you financially, otherwise he can work out the money arrangement with the courts who will be far less understanding than you.
good luck to you and the kids. i think maybe this can work, but dial down the drama for right now, it's not good for you or the baby.
- DoogieTLv 51 decade ago
Maybe you two should talk to a marriage counselor or a pastor about your problems. If you have an impartial person listen to both sides then you two may actually be able to understand each others feelings and be able to work out a long relationship. You may also gain some wisdom on how a good relationship should be. You have to try something different if you want the results to change. If you two keep doing the same things that you have done in the past then your relationship may not change.
- 1 decade ago
You have an unstable realitionship.Say, if you get married and all this is going on now. You would regret it later and get a divorce and then you will be fighting for custody. You don't need that. Just find someone who will always BE THERE for you and the children. This isn't love it's a drama series. You were right on giving the ring back.Look he has a mother he doesn't want to leave. He is still a child within himself. Just let him in your life for you children's sake. That's it. No more sex or talking about marriage. Just tell be there for the kid's only. Your young and you better not waste your time on someone who is not ready.He's mama's boy.
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- Just meLv 41 decade ago
you say that your son will need his father around but you forget that boys are usually 'mummy's boys'. This means that you should take your 'ex's' position into account. He loves his mother and that's the end of the matter. He wants to help her and play an active role in her life.
I don't think you should give it another go because i can see that the issue with his mother will always cause a problem to you. You will end up making it difficult for him to see his mother and in the end you will ask him to choose and you will loose.
your son will still have his father around if you don't get back with him.
I think you should leave this guy to find someone who values the relationship he has with his mother and isn't jealous of it.
As for the financial responsibilities you mention would have improved if you lived together but really, give this man a chance at having a good relationship with someone and leave him alone.
- hellyLv 61 decade ago
Unless you talk through the problems you keep having, you will just go around and around breaking up over the same issue over and over.
Whatever this financial issue is, and his situation with his mother, you need to make it very clear to him what you need from him, and what you want from this. In turn, he can tell you what he needs and wants. You can't keep guessing what each other is thinking and hoping it will all be alright this time around, because clearly it never is.
Resolve these issues before you take the next step. If you can't reach a happy resolution, then this relationship will never work.
- cristelle RLv 61 decade ago
He needs to man up... do you want to marry a man who constantly runs to his mother? Let him be the father but be a single mother until he gets his act together
- 1 decade ago
more for the kids than for you, the kids need a father, you should give it another try, if it works out it'll be worth it, if not, you'll never wonder if you should have tried or not. also, if he gave you a ring, sounds like he means it! pregnancy can make women soo flipping sensitive. get over that and think of your children!
- 1 decade ago
i would say go to counseling before you get married and see if the counselor thinks it is a good idea. Cuz you dont want to rush into anything when your fighting and stuf on and off. Cuz yea marriage is grand... but divorce is 10 grand...lol
so yea make sure it is right && then go for it
- lizroswellukLv 41 decade ago
well, once you are married you financially own half of everything, don't you??
I think that you maybe shouldn't have got pregnant all these times if he wasn't the right person.
However, it seems like he is trying.. tell him that you will marry him with conditions and he has to abide by them.