My step-kids call me "Mom" and their mom gets mad?

I have a total of 9 kids with 5 of them being "step-kids". As far as I'm concerned they are my kids,I have always made sure that they know that I love them. I treat them all the same, if they need disciplined they get it, if they need a hug they get it , if they need encouragement they get it, if they need praise they get it. When I'm asked how many kids I have I always answer "9". I feel that if you get into a relationship with someone who already has kids and you love them that you should love their kids too.I have a child from a previos relationship and my husband has never treated her any different that he does his birth kids and she calls him "Dad" and her father doesn't have a problem with it, so I ask you if the kids feel comfortable enough to call me "mom" should their mom get mad ? I have never asked or told them to call me Mom they just started to call me it on their own.

Update:

Their mother is an alcoholic who does nothing for them, she never buys them anything, comes to see them and only calls when she feels like it. She won't keep a job and always tells them she is going to do things with or for them and never shows up.

18 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I praise you on making sure that your step kids know that you love them!

    To answer your question if the kids want to call you mom, let them call you mom. However don't let them forget who their biological mom is, and don't talk bad about their biological mom around the kids either! It is not your place to tell them bad things about their biological mom, and in the long run you wouldn't want it to back fire on you either.. Your step children will always love their biological mom true, but you are special to them too, and you are the one they will come runing to whenever they need help or just want to talk.

    I am one who lost custody of my two daughters to my ex, and he remarried. My children call my ex husbands wife mom all the time. At first I was very angry when my children called my ex husbands new wife mom, but then I got over it. I just don't like the fact that they call me Carolyn now, and get into trouble if they call me mom, now to me that is wrong, and I feel like she is kicking me out of the pictureof my children's lifes.

    Anyways my ex and his new wife moved way across the country with our children, so now I hardly ever see or talk with my children. There is just a lot of hoopla going on in the situation, but hey atleast they are being loved, fed, and have a roof over their head. Guess life isn't fair sometimes. I thank my lucky stars, even though it is a crumby situation, that my daughter's are being well taken care of.

    So yes I think it's alright for the step kids to call you mom!

    Sincerley Carolyn

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  • Nasira
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    The teen babysitter's mother is just hysterically frightened for her child relative; that was pure biology going on there, compadre. Adrenaline, cortisone, (tries to think of some more hormones that are needed for the »fight or flight« response but fails) . . . at any rate, the teen babysitter's mother was not thinking straight in regards to her child relative's injuries and probably thought that you were the reason for the incident. Hysteria is manifested in many different ways, compadre; I would be elated that this hysteria did not become a homicidal frenzy where you would have to use near lethal force to stop the aggression. Even though you are not obligated to do so, you could go visit this girl's mother and explain things from your perspective if you think that it will help matters. If I were faced with that kind of frenzy as the wages of a Good Samaritan intercession, I would have probably walked away from the whole situation once it started winding down. Actually, there was one young woman that I encountered on my way home that was upset about her paramour's infidelity crying her eyes out right in the street with her child relative. It took me a while to convince the young woman that it is not wise to just sit there out in the open with her child relative and that she needs to pull herself together. I led her up the street to a gas station where I asked for some advice about how to help this young lady; the next thing I know, I have this policeman questioning me like I were the perpetrator!!! Even now as I reflect on this, I am going »What the Satan trucking hell is this ****!?!« I see a damsel in distress and help her out only to be accused of causing the distress in the first place . . . how exactly does that work!?! It is very sad that hardly anybody takes the time to stop and think nowadays (hangs head and sighs). You rescued a damsel in distress, compadre; you did real good. Still, you should not always expect a shiny medal or for her father's marriage blessing for this kind of intercession.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I feel that if you've been their step-mom or you've been their "mother" figure for years and they trust you more than their birth mom, then they can call you Mom. But do they call their birth mother that too? Ultimately, it's the kids' decision on what they feel comfortable with. (And seeing as they started calling you Mom on their own, I think they're comfortable with it.)

    I have a step-mom and personally I wouldn't call her Mom, because I have a great mom who is awesome. So for my advice, just don't have your step-kids call you their Mom in front of their birth mother and then she shouldn't get mad. If they've been calling you Mom for years or for a while now, it's going to be hard to get them to call you something different because it's a habit by now.

    Best of Luck! =)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    She probably feels like you are an interloper into her territory. She gave birth to them and she may feel they are disrespecting her by calling you Mom.

    My sister has 8 children, 6 of them she didn't give birth to. At first, the kids called her Angel. Then they moved to calling her "NahNah" because the youngest couldn't say her name very well.........3 years later, they all call her Mom. BUT she has full custody of all of them.

    I don't think you should stress about it too much. Children can never have too many people who love them.

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  • 1 decade ago

    The little angels can call you whatever they want and don't mind what she thinks. I think you are doing the right thing by treating them as if they were your own. My brother's ex is the same way, she actually told the kids not to call their step-mom mom.... but they do it anyways. She should be happy that you are so fair and loving..... Dad could have married a woman who hates kids.

    Source(s): Too bad for her! She can be jealous all she wants.
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  • ?
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    In reality you're not their mother and never will be. You're just always be their stepmother. I don't blame the birth mother for being angry. I would be angry to if my kids called another woman "Mon" instead of me. She gave birth to them therefore she is their mother. It doesn't matter if she is an alcoholic or not. My religion states that if you adopt kids you are not the parents because you didn't make them or give birth to them. If they start calling you their mother then they might grow up not knowing their identity so stop this mom thing if possible.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Every person is different and deserves to have their feelings respected. Parents, especially, should encourage their children to take other people's feelings into account.

    If calling you "Mom" hurts their biological mother's feelings, it would be a responsible and kind thing for you to do, as an influential adult in their lives, to teach them to honor their mother's feelings regarding this. *You* know that your relationship with the kids is strong, no matter what they call you. Let mom have "Mom", if it's important to her.

    Have them come up with a new name to call you - something special that signifies your chosen place in their lives. Really, loving them and being loved by them, when neither of you is obligated to do so by biology is actually, almost, *more special* than just 'Mom', don't you think?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's your responsibility to think of the kids needs first, not their natural mother. It is important to be considerate of her feelings yes but not at their personal cost.

    You could sit the kids down and ask them what they would prefer to do, but that's almost like asking them to make a choice, which I dont think they should have to do. The "Mom" word came naturally obviously from your excellent treatment of them, so leave it there, and if the other mother brings it up, exploain to her "Isn't it great that your children have two mothers that adore them when some dont even have one". She should get the picture.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I can see why she may be a little mad that they call you mom but why should you care? You don't need her approval and no matter what you do, you're never going to get it, so don't worry about her. From what you've said, you're obviously a better mother to them then she is.

    Source(s): I have a step mom and two step kids
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  • 1 decade ago

    This is a tough one...As a mother, it would be difficult to hear my son call someone else "mom". However, if they want to call you that then you don't want to tell them not to. I would suggest speaking with the mother. Let her know that while you never encouraged the kids to call you "mom", you don't feel that it would be right to tell them to stop.

    Unfortunately, this is one of the negative consequences of divorce and re-marriage. She is not wrong for feeling upset and you are not wrong either.

    Let her know you understand the way she must feel and just try to re-assure her that you are not trying to take her place. Try to put yourself in her shoes.

    I hope this helps!

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