What a good place to buy a mail order wife.?

Last week my dead uncle left me huge sum of cash in his will. Now I’m 22 years old it time for me to settle down and start up a family. I am looking to spend no more than $50,000 including wedding. I want to get marry within 3 months. I need a wife that can speak English well enough so she understands me better.... show more Last week my dead uncle left me huge sum of cash in his will. Now I’m 22 years old it time for me to settle down and start up a family. I am looking to spend no more than $50,000 including wedding. I want to get marry within 3 months. I need a wife that can speak English well enough so she understands me better. She needs to know how to cook, clean, and good in bed. Also she has to smart enough to do my homework. I need a wife that can wash my cars, organize my pornos, video games, anime, and movies, clean my room, mown the lawn, cook me dinner, shovel the snow, trim the bushes, mop the floor, record my TV shows, and most importantly have sex with a least 4-5 times a week. So do you know any good place that I can find a mail order wife? I’m tired of being alone.
Update: why you guys are so mean to me. I just looking for happiness in my life.
9 answers 9