Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

Ultimate Redneck joke List (joke)?

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck? If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".

What does a redneck say before he gets injured? “Watch this!”

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?" "No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?" "I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"


40 Things Never Said By Red Necks

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrasslin's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

Update 2:

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

09. Checkmate.

08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

05. I don't have a favorite college team.

04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

Update 3:


okay, so maybe it's not the ultimate, at least I stayed away from foxworthy jokes.

Please feel free to browse my other questions, I post jokes all the time.

10 Answers

  • Mark K
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    VERY VERY FUNNY...thanks for the laugh! I'm printing this out for my co-workers!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I've mostly never heard any of your jokes before and I was oddly pleased and surprised to know that I heard the taxidermy one before.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Ouch! I stomach hurts!

    The bar joke is sick!

    Thanks for the laughs!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I havent heard this joke in awhile but I THINK it goes like this I THINK.

    Redneck: I really hate N*****

    some smart guy: Why?

    RN: they jus do stupid ****..I dnt get it.

    SSG: well nobodys gets why you paint you neck red, **** your sister, and eat road kill.

    RN: whats so hard to understand about that?

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • lol, i like the toothbrush one and #9 on the list.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    OOOOhhhh! My! Gosh! That is Absolutely Freakin’ Hysterical! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    #20 was probably the best. :)

  • 1 decade ago

    ha ha ha ha!

    i liked that!

  • 1 decade ago

    FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY Thanks I needed a Laugh. heres a star

  • 1 decade ago

    So very funny thanks for the laugh..

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