It is vital for true problem-solving to as honestly as possible "feel" the feelings and motivations and meanings that others hold. (Hi, angel). When I was sixteen years old, I had a BIZARRE dream. I was a young man, a son of some neolithic chief. We were riding horseback through snowy high-grounds in a hunting party. We came across slavers. They had a 14 or 15 year old female tied up and for sale. The chief bought the female for me. I cut her down and put her on my horse. I couldn't wait to take her. I parted company from the others and felt exactly what that young man felt as he rode in the snow with his bounty and hard-on. I woke up devastated and shocked and doubting my sexuality. The next day I came right out and asked my mother if I was a lesbian. She nearly spit her tea across the room in an explosion of laughter.
But, that dream has haunted me. I did not have the courage to face it for a long time, the PLEASURE I felt in that life, with that bounty to use as I wished. It felt awfully good. That was all simply too unacceptable for me to cope with, so I buried it. I mean, how could someone who believed so vehemently as I did about the morbidness of domination paradigms EVER have those thoughts, and LIKE it, even in a dream? Then, I explored rape nursing and as an adult I professionally revisited that dream with a counselor and more personal courage and lucid rationality. I focused at sixteen on my stage of ego development at the time, which is all about indentity and role formation, including "gender". But, when I revisited the dream as an older adult, I focused on what that young man in the dream had FELT. And illumination arose from that courage.
I went back to the dream and let go. I allowed myself to feel what he was feeling, to go with it. I got to the crux quickly. It was all about domination. And it felt good, natural, right. I went deeper. The lust for domination is about a POWERFUL human-wide NON-gender based desire to "build" something within our OWN will and vision. Traditionally, women express it by building and weaving families and communities. Even their elaborate weddings are a construction of a personal vision of the way the world should be if the woman could have that control, albeit in cameo. Men traditionally have expressed it through building empires, ranches, farms, villages, companies and societies shaped in their individual visions.
In that powerful natural and good desire, we've also wrongly exploited, raped, massacred and enslaved others all along in our urge to fulfil and potentiate our own visions or constructions. We all very deeply within us want to have control not only over ourselves and our own lives but also over others not just to enhance survival chances, but to greedily USE others or steal their energy and wills to enhance and empower our own will and to carry-out our own vision and plans for shaping the world. As we rise in conscience as individuals and as societies, we learn better ways to exist for the benefit of each other in more ethical synergies than mere domination master/slave paradigms. A rapist is like a dog humping a man's leg. The temporary domination and complete control in rape feels good, like a fix, but it doesn't continue into a more satisfying construction. Domination paradigms and behaviors, including rape, are morbid go -nowhere dog-humping-leg behaviors in lieu of more sustaining constructive healthy expressions of controlling and shaping the world.
For example, adolescence is an economic artifice that strips young men 14-21 of their natural manhood and blossoming of their powerful desire to build some construction or empire of their own. In nations and times whenever young men are socially castrated like that, rape soars. Rape is a "sick" ineffective, unsatisfying outlet for our repressed natural and healthy desire to personally and completely control a vision construction. By respecting children more and their natural desire to construct their own visions, by allowing young men to be men rather than forcing them to passively conform and participate only as children in some other vision of the moment belonging to a dominating group, we could reduce dog-humping-leg emotional venting crimes such as rape.
The most important thing I gained from that dream was the awareness, as I felt what that young man was feeling, that our powerful fundamental desire to have control and to potentiate a plan or vision is human, not gender based. That is a commonality. We have to spend more energy on recognizing our commonalities than we do on finding our differences. Our most fundamental and meaningful behaviors hail from our common humaness, not our dichotomous genitalia. Humans are a fork with two gender tines. We should study the fork more than the differences between the tines. True problem-solving and betterment of our way of life can't happen until we go there, into our COMMON feelings.
· 1 decade ago