I'm on a self destructive path...i'm ruining my life!!! help!!!!!!!?
in love with this guy ...just ever since I saw him, I loved him.
So I asked people about him and found out a little about him.
So I started saying hi and I tried talking to him in between classes and
we would sometimes have small talk lol..
But somehow..he started like hating me and saying that I'm annoying.
so 4 months pass by and basically the short version of those 4 months is
that I absolutely loved him and he absolutely hated me. It tore me apart
literally. I used to sit in my closet and cry every night about how he
didn't love me back. I would try to talk to him in the hall and he would
ignore me or when he would talk, he would be annoyed. I'm 13 and I know
a lot of people think at 13, you can't be in love, but you can. Age
doesn't matter..I mean I would do anything for him. He meant the world
to me. I love him more than anyone.
But it all changed on December 12, 2007.
I was walking with him in the hall, and I said "will you give me a
chance?" and he said yes! like I was in total shock because I was
expecting a no. And so I say.."so we're going out now?" and he says
I felt like my stomach flipped. I was soo happy..I think that was the
best day ever. Nothing was better than that.
But then...people start saying that he's just going out with me not to
hurt my feelings..and I start to believe those rumors. And I think they
were true at the beginning of the relationship but as time passed, our
relationship grew stronger and stronger.
So fast forward to about january.
By this point, we are head over heels for eachother. we were sneaking
out to see eachother, we felt comfortable around eachother, we felt like
we were the only people in the world. it was amazing.
But we started getting in trouble because of our relationship..no one
took us seriously. they all thought it was just a little crush. His mom
didnt like me because we talked like 24/7 on the phone. we were always
together..we sneaked out of the house to be together. I even jumped out
a window to see him!!. But me and my mom..our relationship grew apart.
we constantly got into fights about the stupidest little junk. I picked
fights with my stepdad for no reason. My mom kept thinking the worst of
me and my boyfriend. she just didn't understand. All of this resulted
with the cops coming to my house because of a fight with me and my mom.
My dad ended up buying an airplane ticket to NY to go live with him 2
I started crying...I didn't know what to do.
When you love somebody that much...and you leave them..what are you
supposed to do?
The day came. I had to leave. I saw him for the last time, for 30
minutes, right before I had to leave for the airport. We just
talked..and at the last moment, we kissed and the kiss was so memorable
because at the end of our kiss, he said I love you in the most
heartbreaking way. it was so sad. from that point, everything went down
Its very heartbreaking to know that your own parents would do this to
their own child. Its killing me.
Its been about a month since I left.
We called eachother every day.
We loved eachother. We were sure the distance wouldn't change the love
we have. Because I knew I was coming back.
But this really traumatized me. I'm slowly ruining myself and I know
I've started using drugs, drinking, cutting myself, you name it. just to
get away from the pain.
About a few days ago, I sent him a text message saying "do you still
love me? text back if no, call if yes"
he replied with a text saying "sorry...".
That killed me. That's when things got veryy bad. I started getting high
constantly to escape the pain.
I started cutting myself everyday.
I skip school all the time and I'm failing every class.
I'm on a self destructive path.
But luckily I still have hope. I might be coming back to Florida (where
I lived in the first place) in 2 weeks because I didn't take some state
tests or something.
I KNOW he still loves me. he's confused. I'm not in denial- I know it.
the love we have doesn't just dissappear like that. I KNOW if I come
back, it will all come back to normal. I know that if he sees me, it
will all return. the distance has created a problem but I can feel it in
my heart that I can fix it. I just know it.
I don't understand how my parents could be so cruel to seperate us like
this. I try to tell them but they think its just a joke.
I feel like I'm screaming on the inside but nobody hears.
My life is going downhill..the long distance is killing me.
I can't get over him...I love him too much. He's the most important
thing to me in the whole world. I know its not over and if it truly is,
ill continue with my self destructive ways.
I don't know what to do..
I'm losing my mind.
I'm only 13 but I face these very adult issues.
I feel if I don't do something, I'm gonna go completely insane.
Please, somebody tell me your insight or advice on my story. I really
need to know what to do. I'm so lost!
Thank you soo much :)