Susan came home by walked.
應該是 Susan walked home.
She saw very big cloudy in top of the build,
應該是 She saw clouds over the top of the building,
then the cloudy was raining.
應該是then it started to rain.
Susan wasn't taked an umbrella,
應該是Susan did not have an umbrella,
so she runed faster to home.
應該是so she ran fast to home.
(run 的過去式是 ran，英文沒有 runed 這個字；另外如果要用 faster這個字，應該是 so she ran faster than she had ever been to home)
When she arrived at home,she was feeled bad that has a cold.
應該是After she arrived home, she caught a cold and feeled bad.
(感冒英文是 catch a cold, caught是 catch 的過去式)
Her mother was worried about her,then taked Susan to the clinic.
應該是Her mother worried about her and took Susan to a clinic.
(worriy 不應該用被動式，所以拿掉was，take 的過去式是 took，英文沒有 taked 這個字)
Doctor told her "Taked some medicine and drinked water before you went to bed,after you will got better soon"
應該是Doctor told her "Take this medicine and drink some water before you going to bed, you will getting better soon"