Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

What would be a legal/tactful method of getting an ex spouse to quit meddling in our financial affairs?

I am not sure who I should ask this question~~maybe legal advice?

My husband's retired from the military. He gets a certain amount per month. Even though his child turned 18 last month, he's still paying the same amount to his ex wife, and she's (we're told) sending this money to him (an allotment). The ex contacted my husband, telling him that she called the number, through the military, to have direct deposit set up so that she would no longer need to receive them via snail mail. However, she posed as his current spouse and provided the clerk with his SSN to have dir dep set up. His original intent was to continue with the amount of $350. She had it changed to $700. She consulted him about this after she had this done. ***Are you seeing where I am going with this?*** Now, he called me this morning to tell me about this. I was so furious I almost came unglued. Reasons are obvious.

My question is this: What is the best way to stop her meddling in our financial affairs?

7 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

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Spaznski~~Fascinating. I think the bottom line is that I am not being told everything. I am told many things by different respondents and the responses of yours and one other's adds up, so far. I am not getting the full story. Period. I think that I should let this one go. Only my husband and his ex know what it is. Thanks for your input.

Update 2:

Chels~~Direct deposit is not the issue. You're missing the point. Direct deposit is anyone's right. It's the increase in the funds taken out of his retirement check without his knowing about it. She called DFAS one day, according to my husband, and then telephoned my husband the next to let him know about this. Her sole purpose is to get two months back child support payments which, yes, she's fully entitled, but the way my husband explained to me the method of her going about it sounds, very to me to be crimina. However, I did some research and discovered that not only does one need a password, but one cannot make any changes in funds withdrawn from retirement besides the retiree him/herself AND it has to be approved through court. The way my husband relayed it was that she spoke to a clerk, gave the SSN and...BOOM, done. Went from $350 to $700 in a matter of a few clicks set to be withdrawn April 1st from my husband's retirement. I don't buy it. Not plausible.

7 Answers

  • Chels
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Um...maybe I'm missing something here, but if the support comes through the military and not directly from him, she has every right to have it direct deposited, and there would have been no reason for her to need any numbers except HER account numbers (which she'd give to them to set up direct deposit. I did this through the attorney general's office for the support I receive through them from my ex. I don't think she did what you're accusing her of doing. I think she simply set up direct deposit.

  • 1 decade ago

    It doesn't matter if she represented herself as the "current wife" or ex - it's irrelivant to the issue.

    the only way she could have it upped to 700 is if there is an original court order for support for that amount and she and your husband had a verbal arrangement to just send half.

    Child support is obviously continuing while the child is still in school (either HS or continuing education) -that being the case - she has every right to request the amount in the court order - AND set it up for direct deposit if she so chooses.

    This isn't what you want to hear but, basically - she has rights to know about your husband's finances and enforce the full amount until such time as child support is stopped entirely, and there is nothing you can do about it.

    since he is in the military, you can't go to court to have the support order adjusted for less, as military pay has set guidelines on salary/support amounts.

    Source(s): I'm a family law attorney
  • Mundoo
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    As this is your husband's allowance then he can have the case reviewed as to the unauthorised changes to the amount.

    Your husband needs to have the banking details changed to the last child's (now 18) bank account and pay the money direct. He then can change the amount back to the original amount.

    He should also have a statement put on his file that only he is to be authorised to change any details and to also have a password registered for that allowance so he has full control. It is his money afterall, not his ex-wife's, not yours and even not his childs. It is his to do with as he wishes. It is good that he wishes to support the 18 year old child but he needs to make sure the money is controlled.

  • NT
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    That is theft reguardless if she had his ssn or not. She is NOT married to him, he should throw her in jail. However; the child even though 18, may resent the father for that.

    This is crazy, he is 18. Is he still living with his mom? If not then dad can stop the payments. Usually custody says til they are 18 or graduate, whichever occurs last. If he's not graduated yet but he's moved out then dad can still stop paying mom.

    Either way, I bet you can't wait til the child support payments stop. Would be better to just give the kid money or pay his rent or something. He knows his needs at that age.

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  • 1 decade ago

    hubbies ex was so out of line in what she did. not only was it wrong it was illegal. you need to take her to court as soon as you can get her there. i promise you and hubby will have the last laugh on this one. she will really be in the hot seat and twice as much trouble for scamming the military by giving them false information. I'm telling you you and hubby have her on this one. she is a real piece of work isn't she? i know its none of my business but i would really love you to email and tell me what happens with this. i wish you the very best of luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    you need to go for mesiation find out all sides of the story best of luck xx

  • 1 decade ago

    you could always sue her....After all, she's taking your money, pretty much...

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