Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 1 decade ago

I'm depressed.......and I'd like your advice, please?

I feel like I've failed in life.

Although it was o.k., I didn't necessarily enjoy my childhood. I was an "only child" who seldom had friends. My father is quite bi-polar, so the friends I had he somehow always managed to drive away through his strange and inappropriate behavior. My mother was basically my best friend, and still is today.

After high school, I went to work for my father, which was a huge mistake. And then, at 18 years old, I was sued for half a million dollars for causing a motor vehicle accident while driving a delivery truck (while I was working for my father) - - the case didn't go to trial until I was 25. I worried about losing everything every single day, and cried nearly every single week for 7 years. I won in court, because I was not guilty, but I basically lost 7 years of my life.

Now, 8 years past that bogus legal mess that wasn’t even my fault, I'm 33, still no wife, no job (lost that in 2003), and I've been going to college full time. But I'm surrounded by young people who don't accept me because I'm so much older than them. I feel lousy & depressed every day I go to school. And because I have been feeling depressed lately, my grades are beginning to drop significantly. I’m a Spanish major, and I have enough credits to graduate with just a Spanish major degree (without a teaching license), but what good is that worth if I still have trouble speaking the language? And my money is running out, so I don’t know what I’m going to do for a living. I wanted to teach, but I have to pass a state test, which I haven’t been able to do thus far.

So, I’m stuck, and with every day that passes, I feel even more helpless and hopeless. And as I grow older, fewer and fewer people want to have anything to do with me. I feel like a fool. I feel so stupid for having wasted my life on meaningless pursuits. I hate the way I look, and even my hair is falling out, thanks to male pattern baldness.

I’m feeling pretty depressed, needless to say.

17 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    First and foremost, please seek professional help. There is no shame in discussing these things with a doctor or school counselor. If you have no insurance, many universities have research projects run by PhDs (NOT grad students) that can not only get you help for free and provide you with meds if you need them, but will also give you a modest stipend for your time. They are also completely confidential. I am also 30 years old and in college, but the difference for me is that I feel liberated by the fact that I know I am finally doing something with my life. For many people, finding a stable direction for one's self is the single greatest task to undertake. If you wish to teach, persevere and get that certification. I worked as a test proctor for takers of the PRAXIS exam, and there were LITERALLY people who took it a dozen times before passing. It's ok. You're human. Keep trying. Keep working on it. You may also consider taking some time to teach english as a second language, if you're hard up for money. Most of the organizations that hire for that don't require licensing. Also, because of the number of latinos in the US right now, it is very likely that you will meet Spanish speaking people in that environment, which will enable you to beef up your Spanish language skills conversationally. Inquire at your college to find out whether they offer free tutoring sessions or a study group. Most colleges have at least one or the other, if not both.

    At this point, I feel like you need to do something for yourself. I too suffered from depression for many years, being the daughter of a mentally ill parent who was extremely abusive, even after I moved far, far away. I went to counseling and I took antideperssants, but found that pursuing hobbies, joining a gym, reading, travelling, and doing wonderful things solely for the sake of my own enjoyment did far more good than any of the really direct approaches. It showed me that I could accomplish something positive, and that there aren't negative ramifications for *everything.*

    Everybody is different, so try a little of both (therapy and personal pursuits), and see what helps. Surprisingly, dietary changes had a HUGE impact on my sense of well-being!

    Also, if you start taking up hobbies (check with your local parks & recreation department, as they often host free events), you can meet other people from your own community without having to limit yourself to the horrible cliche of work/school/bar scene exclusion. You will not only achieve fulfillment on a personal level, but you will also find a sense of community, and eventually establish a network of support and encouragement. This will also increase your chances of meeting that "special someone," but seriously, don't worry too much about not being in a relationship right now. Relationships can be very complicated, and I think you might be better off focusing more of your energy inward toward yourself right now. And PS, don't sweat the thinning hair. Women don't care that much. Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    You would most definitely benefit from seeing a therapist. I know it's money you are probably not trying to spend, but I honestly think it would help you. I know you go to school now, but it would be a good idea to work. Find a job you're interested in and do that. Save up some money. I would also recommend a little travel time. It might help out a whole lot if you went to Spain and submersed yourself in the culture and language, and it would be fun, too. You do sound quite depressed, and that can be remedied by actually going out and meeting ppl your own age. This can also happen when/if you start working. I have always made a friend or two at work. All hope is not lost. Just stick with it. Your life is just beginning... and who said you need a wife? Marriage is so overrated! Enjoy your time. Soon enough you'll meet a woman and suddenly have kids, then you'll wish you really enjoyed your single life.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I can really sympathize with you. I spent three years in court. I too was sued and I ended up winning a money settlement which was far less than the legal bills. I still haven't recovered and I think so many things piled up due to the three years in court, that I can't get out from underneath the problems. I deferred all of my medical problems and still haven't recovered from some of them.

    I'm really glad you have your mother. Some people have no one at all. The problem with therapists is that they cost money and that can cause stress because then your money for school will run out more quickly. Does your school have a free counseling office or medical center?

    I think you might try anti-depressants which you can get from a regular doctor. They work for most people and some of them are really inexpensive. You can tell the doctor that you are a student with no income and ask for samples. There are also depression books you can read at the library and web sites on depression. The health food store can show you several inexpensive supplements which can treat depression. You can read about them online. Some of the names are St John's Wort, Sam-E, 5 HTP etc.

    I do have friends who have started teaching while getting their license. Perhaps you could do that. You get about $10,000. It is a way for schools to balance their budget. My friend works at a private school, so maybe private schools are more tolerant.

    I think it is hard for people who are 33 who don't have children. There are a lot of desperate 35 year old women who want to have children before they can't. You might try answering some ads. Some of them don't care whether you have a job. They need a man to marry and some can support you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you know what, reading all this makes me feel bad for you but the only thing i really would like to say is just dont give up! im my school(college) there are people that are in their 40s getting bachelor degrees so its totally normal and cool that your going to school, actually if you weren't going to college then it was what i was going to suggest. Anyways, if people don't accept you in school, screw them. Just work your tail off! I'm sure you can do it, your only 33, you still have a looong time. I promise if you succeed in college, you will be able to get a real job and if you work hard, then you should be able to find a wonderful person to marry and someday have kids living an amazing life. Just make sure you NEVER GIVE UP! a lot of crap happened in your life and you did not deserve it, if you give up then what was the point of going through all that crap? WORK HARD, KEEP your HEAD UP!

    the way i help myself with depression is playing guitar, pick up a hobby you can do by yourself or with friends or whatever. Always try to be positive, statistics show that optimistic people are usually the more successful ones.

    I hope this helped... GOOD LUCK!

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  • 1 decade ago

    A good place to start would be to get together with a councillor...everyone needs help at least once in their life, and if they say they don't they are probably lying.

    It sounds to me like you are hanging on to those 7 years, and hanging on to a lot of frustration and anger over it; it's time to leave the past in the past and move on to the future.

    You can probably pick up a part time job on your campus or even a store or coffee shop nearby to make some extra money and keep you busy.

    To help with your Spanish problems start reading Spanish magazines and watching Spanish TV, even if you don't understand it completely now it will get your brain used to seeing everything and associating words with pictures, this helped me with French. Another idea is to get a tutor to help you, you can probably find one right on your campus.

    If you are having problems with the school you are at maybe you could try another one, something like Bow Valley College which has a lot of older people.

    Have hope, things will work themselves out the way they were meant to be...just hold on and have a little faith in yourself! Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Take what money you have left and move to Hawaii! Sounds to me like you need some sun shine and a new enviornment. With the way things are here on the Big Island, your educational background would enable you to tutor or work as a teachers assistant until you get back into the swing of emotional stability.

  • Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Lifes hard, and you should know you're not the only one who is going through depression. But there's many ways to overcome depression, i would know because i was cured. You need to stop looking in the past, and look ahead. You cannot live your life in the past. Depression can really affect a persons everyday life, especially when they're in school. By putting time aside for yourself everyday to just relax and put away the negative thoughts can make a positive change.As for you being 33, you're still very young, and College students dont accept you for your age, they accept you for you being you. The main thing is to focus, and like i tell everyone who goes through depression, to surround yourself around the positive things in your life because it can make your life so much better, it did for me! You need to gain the confidence and you need to believe in yourself. Because after what youve gone through, you know that you deserve the better things out of life!Goodluck =)

  • 1 decade ago

    Hey!!

    Well, first of all, I think it's really impressive that you're going to school and that you're still trying to better yourself with an education (which will of course help with the unemployment situation, even though it may not seem like it now).

    I understand that you feel like you wasted all those years, but that's what got you to where you are today, a smart guy, who's going to school, trying to better himself.

    Your school probably offers counselling services for students, so maybe you might want to look into that...

    Good luck!!! :)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hey there

    dont feel like that! no matter what happens in life it is never wasted. in case you didnt know, if you get proffestional help all those "problems" make a WHOLE lot stronger!

    i think the best thing for you to do is make some eassy life goals for instance

    FINISH SCHOOL: with your spanish degree

    PASS TEACHING TEST: knuckle down and work at it, im sure if you can learn spanish you wil; learn to teach rather easily

    SAVE UP MONEY FROM TEACHING FOR: either a holiday (it seems like you need one mate), or some ADRENILINE pumping sprts! peop,e of all afges can particiapte in sky diving and motor bike riding and snorkelliing.

    GET PROFFESIONAL HELP! : this will make you happy! trust me, and EVERYONE is attracted to happy epople. its in our nature

    when in comes to your age: YOUR 33 THATS VERY YOUNG! my parents got married at 35 and 36 and had me in the same year! trust me youve got you whole life ahead of you

    plan some goals like i said before and stick to them. proffesional help is available out thtere for a small cost and it is well worth it

    no matter whats going on in life, solider through it mate becuse you will feel so much better :]

    dont worry about the younger people. PROVE THEM WRONG!!! start getting top marks in you class! work and study hard! find a hobby like reading or writing! or EXCERICSE!!! (exercise releases indorphins which makes you happy!!!)

    please dont feel deprressesd its really not worth it!

    GOOOOD LUCK AND PLAN TOSE GOALS!

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    HAPPY!!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Ok....I know what I'm about to say, you'll probably disregard it, but I want you to give it a shot.

    Pray to God...Honestly. Just tell him everything. Ask for forgiveness for the life you've led, because I know you've sinned at least once in your life. Ask him to come into your life, and to take it over and make the most of it. Read the Bible on a daily basis, and really try to understand it. Find a good Bible based church.

    Trust me, it'll really help you. God has made my life wonderful, and he can do the same for you.

    God bless you. :)

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