Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 1 decade ago

I'm disfigured and can't find love, what reason do I have to live?

I've suffered from depression for many years, have suffered from cruelty beyond comprehension, had a sociopathic father and a mother who was not much better, both drug addicts most of my childhood, the only relase I could have ever had from this childhood hell was finding someone to love me for what I could offer, but I developed a rare condition in my teenage years and have been disfigured every since(now 21.)

I don't do well in public, hardly function actually, both because I have extreme anxiety(puking, tremors in the past, not quite at that level now), and just because I can't relate. I never had the normal childhood and adolescent experiences to fit in with people, I've had struggles most could never dream of.

The longer I deal with depression and anxiety, even though it's not what it once was, the more my defense declined, I know most would already be gone now, I'm having a hard time finding a reason to live.

Update:

How do you know there are good things Danny?

14 Answers

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  • Danny
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    No offense but the first thing i think of when I hear someone talking about reasons not to live one thought comes to my mind...

    This persons retarded.

    Not that your retarded or anything but. Its just that it seems your looking at all the bad things about your life and leaving out all of the good things like your purposefully looking for reasons to be depressed.At least your not like your parents(no offense to your parents).

    Also you have so much more time in your life to live and your judging the future my only 21 years. hell scientists will probably have a cure for old age before you die and then will all live forever(i hope that happens).

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You're only 21! You can enjoy a long and happy life but not if you don't stick around to enjoy it. Love is always elusive, it can be hard to find at the best of times, but don't give up. My parents were in their thirties when they met and both of them had already been married and divorced by that time. Everyone gets a little nervous in public, that's normal; build up your confidence slowly, start small, just a walk to the shops and back, say hello to a few people, then go home and relax and chill out until the next day. You'll become more confident as time goes on until you can start going out more, making new friends, finding new interests...

    Don't let the disfigurement bother you. So you're not "perfect", who cares? Nobody really is anyway. I have a scar on my lip I've had since I was eight years old, it's very obvious, but I've never let it affect my confidence. You are who you are and you should be proud of that.

    Good luck and hang in there =)

  • Laurie
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Love always seems like such a big thing when one doesn't "have" it, so to speak. Having been on both ends of the spectrum, deleriously in love and so devestatingly miserable that I didn't have it, I can say that some of my happiest moments in my life have been when I have not been "in love", but rather, fortunate enough to have a love affair with myself. I'm talking the delicious enjoyment of being alone and enjoying your own company, not having anyone to answer to and taking the time to explore who you are and the things that you are and what you enjoy. Until you find that, there is no chance of finding "love" because I believe that you need that sense of self completeness. We all come with our own scars - physical and emotional. I don't have a disfiguring illness, but I do have a physical characteristic that just eats me up sometimes, and I wish I could hide when I'm with strangers but can't. But - I had someone tell me once that it is the things that make us different that are the things that define us. I was very young at the time, and was constantly teased, but that lady's statement always stayed with me. Years later I read a story - and I'm sorry that I don't remember the name or author - about a man who became obsessed about a birthmark on his wife's face. She was perfect in every other way other than this flaw on her face, so he made her a potion that would take it away. She drank it, the birthmark faded, and she died in the end because it was the mark of her soul. Everyone has pain and loneliness - but no one can bring you up other than yourselves. Start treating your strengths, feeding your soul with the things that make you feel full, be it music, art, fashion. Treat yourself to dinner once a week. Have a bubble bath with piano music and a glass of wine! Little things that make you happy. This is the best time.. because you can focus on YOU and not everyone around you! Start by feeding your confidence and not looking for love - you will be surprised at how people flock to that kind of person. The best part is, if love doesn't come, you are so happy and busy that you realize you don't NEED it. I wish you all the luck.. and I wish I knew you. Believe that there are many people who believe that beautiful is what is inside.. but YOU need to realize that first. Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    hey i know it's hard to find the good in the bad especially if you're going through a whole lotta bad but i think that you have much to live for. you sound like a very intelligent and articulate guy; i know about 80% of people in the world can't hardly spell so you already have a leg up on that :0) i mean, don't focus on the bad. maybe write a lot and get those published...that way you might find someone else who is going through the same thing and can relate. take up a new hobbie or something. take classes and get a degree. do something to preoccupy your time rather than sit at home and sulk over something that is missing.

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  • Well, the thing is that people are in error in their assumption that they somehow deserve happiness, love, etc., just by virtue of being born. Fact is, happiness is not the default setting for life. Don't expect friends, love, money, or whatever. If you do get something, it's a bonus. Just because nobody likes to hear that, doesn't make it less true.

    Personally, the more life sucks, the more I just want to keep going out of sheer spite. But that's just me.

    That, and the other simple fact about life, which is its cyclical nature, in every way. Even the darkest night must eventually give way to a new dawn.

    And if you are caught in a downward spiral, it's up to you to break out of it. The important stuff in life never comes without effort. That is the meaning of life: to make the choice between lying down and giving up, or standing and fighting against impossible odds. Fighting, imo is more fun. Rather than letting adversity eat away at you, you must in fact let it feed you. This is a "simple" matter of changing your own mindset. Not easy when suffering depression, I know, but ultimately you are the only one that can help you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A very tough question. But I think I may have an answer for you but which may not be what you are looking for.

    I am a musician, a professional French Horn player. I have had many disappointments in my life. I am so thankful that I am a musician as I am fulfilled by performing or just sitting at home making music to help me get through each day.

    Music may be your answer. If you like a particular kind of musical instrument, try renting one, take a few lessons and see what it does for you. If your were to get into a musical group you might find someone who likes your playing and you.

    There may be other ways in music too. Hope I have helped you in some small way. Bless you, Marty

    Source(s): Experience
  • LDB449
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Hello,

    I think what you have done is quite well putting your stuff out there. I also had parents who were both alcoholics and both died in active addiction. So where do people like us learn how to do life. Well not from our parents, that's for sure. I have had a horrible time with relationships and have been married and divorced six times. Now I have become fairly content with living alone and enjoying life the best I can. I practice helping others through answers and it has helped me a great deal.

    I know it is difficult and I am not telling you what to do, but start by practicing helping others who have what you have and maybe you could help them. You have helped me knowing your there. .

    Please feel free to e-mail me a pasonplz@earthlink.net if you would like to stay in contact.

    I feel like a freak sometimes at work. I feel like ending my life at times, but it is not the way out. You can face your stuff and so can I.

    The Internet can be a great source of help and insight into what you have.

    Blessings

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Don't do anything drastic, because "this too shall pass". In five years from now you could be doing amazing things. I think you should consider getting a medication for your depression. Remember, depression is a chemical imbalance, not something you can help. If you are scared to do this, try taking St. John's Wort. It helped me when I had depression in my life.

    I recommend a memoir called "There is a Season" by a poet named Patrick Lane. You need to start loving yourself and finding something that makes meaning for you. All the arts are helpful in this. Start painting or writing poetry to deal with your pain.

    And remember: "All great men must have great sadness on earth" (Doestoevsky, Crime and Punishment)

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't go killing yourself.. the truth is there is always someone for every person on this planet... You just have to get out there. Go beyond your comfort zone and talk to who ever it is that you like. Forget your past and just live in the now... your parents shouldn't even be called that. They weren't there for you so forget you ever knew them. Start talking to people. Let them get to know you. Honestly it would.

    What do you mean by rare condition... oooh damn your playing into the curious cat in me.. i want to know what you look like. But i know you won't show me. so just live.....

    Oh my effing god. i can't stop you from ending your life.. i can't give you a reason to live.. I don't know you.

    Source(s): What do you have to offer? Show that someone what it is and let them see you for WHO you are. and i'm sorry but i don't think i helped at all. One reason to live... ME. i'm the coolest person ever... be glad to know me... lol. Live just to live. to find someone. cuz what if you were supposed to find that someone but because you ended your life you didn't then you would be really sad.
  • 1 decade ago

    join a volunteer organisation. u can see that people on the same earth live a relatively different life to us. by volunteering u can help watch the world develop, bring joy to those who have nothing and realise that there is a purpose for you on this earth. who knows, maybe you'll meet new and like-minded people whilst volunteering?

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