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Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

I'm disfigured and can't find love, what reason do I have to live?

I've suffered from depression for many years, have suffered from cruelty beyond comprehension, had a sociopathic father and a mother who was not much better, both drug addicts most of my childhood, the only relase I could have ever had from this childhood hell was finding someone to love me for what I could offer, but I developed a rare condition in my teenage years and have been disfigured every since(now 21.)

I don't do well in public, hardly function actually, both because I have extreme anxiety(puking, tremors in the past, not quite at that level now), and just because I can't relate. I never had the normal childhood and adolescent experiences to fit in with people, I've had struggles most could never dream of.

The longer I deal with depression and anxiety, even though it's not what it once was, the more my defense declined, I know most would already be gone now, I'm having a hard time finding a reason to live.


Never said such, though to such an extent(father threatened to kill me multiple times, yes, I surely am in the minority.), and of course there's the disfiguridng condition I developed, not only being shunned by my own family but by our superficial society as well.

15 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Definitely get profession help for the depression and anxiety.

    Reach out to others... the best way to feel loved is to love and help others. So start volunteering somewhere, maybe with animals or the elderly where you won't feel overwhelmed. Sometimes the best way to get your mind off of your problems is to find something better to do with your time.

    As far as being disfigured (I don't know to what extent it is) but a lot of people are in the same boat as you in one way or another. Try to get counseling, or find someone to talk to about this. You can't make certain things go away, but you can find a way to feel better about yourself.

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  • 4 years ago

    You're only 21! You can enjoy a long and happy life but not if you don't stick around to enjoy it. Love is always elusive, it can be hard to find at the best of times, but don't give up. My parents were in their thirties when they met and both of them had already been married and divorced by that time. Everyone gets a little nervous in public, that's normal; build up your confidence slowly, start small, just a walk to the shops and back, say hello to a few people, then go home and relax and chill out until the next day. You'll become more confident as time goes on until you can start going out more, making new friends, finding new interests... Don't let the disfigurement bother you. So you're not "perfect", who cares? Nobody really is anyway. I have a scar on my lip I've had since I was eight years old, it's very obvious, but I've never let it affect my confidence. You are who you are and you should be proud of that. Good luck and hang in there =)

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  • 1 decade ago

    Love always seems like such a big thing when one doesn't "have" it, so to speak. Having been on both ends of the spectrum, deleriously in love and so devestatingly miserable that I didn't have it, I can say that some of my happiest moments in my life have been when I have not been "in love", but rather, fortunate enough to have a love affair with myself. I'm talking the delicious enjoyment of being alone and enjoying your own company, not having anyone to answer to and taking the time to explore who you are and the things that you are and what you enjoy. Until you find that, there is no chance of finding "love" because I believe that you need that sense of self completeness.

    We all come with our own scars - physical and emotional. I don't have a disfiguring illness, but I do have a physical characteristic that just eats me up sometimes, and I wish I could hide when I'm with strangers but can't. But - I had someone tell me once that it is the things that make us different that are the things that define us. I was very young at the time, and was constantly teased, but that lady's statement always stayed with me. Years later I read a story - and I'm sorry that I don't remember the name or author - about a man who became obsessed about a birthmark on his wife's face. She was perfect in every other way other than this flaw on her face, so he made her a potion that would take it away. She drank it, the birthmark faded, and she died in the end because it was the mark of her soul.

    Everyone has pain and loneliness - but no one can bring you up other than yourselves. Start treating your strengths, feeding your soul with the things that make you feel full, be it music, art, fashion. Treat yourself to dinner once a week. Have a bubble bath with piano music and a glass of wine! Little things that make you happy. This is the best time.. because you can focus on YOU and not everyone around you! Start by feeding your confidence and not looking for love - you will be surprised at how people flock to that kind of person. The best part is, if love doesn't come, you are so happy and busy that you realize you don't NEED it.

    I wish you all the luck.. and I wish I knew you. Believe that there are many people who believe that beautiful is what is inside.. but YOU need to realize that first.

    Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Oh my Gosh, I can't believe some of the horrible and rude comments some of these jerks are leaving you. Don't listen to them they obviously have no concept of some of the horrible things you must have gone through and how hurtful and stigmatizing that can be to someones psyche.

    I grew up around domestic violence myself & the best answer that I can give you to your question is this:

    You will never be able to be happy or find love if you are not happy with yourself. You need to work on your inside first, go for counseling or become part of a support group. Life doesn't make any sense sometimes but it is worth living and someday you'll be able to heal and you'll feel like a beautiful person again.

    I just want to say that I admire the fact that you have been through so much and still find the courage to move on and try to better yourself.

    Feel free to add me as a contact or email me.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. There is always someone out there for anyone it doesnt matter what you look like. You want someone to love you for who you are not what you look like. Develope your own self and talents and enjoy being you. When you do that and take yourself to deeper levels you will find much more satisfaction than just someone in your life that doesnt appreciate you for who you really are. Maybe you could help someone who has gone thru the same things you have. Seek avenues that develope you and read self help books. Find a support group. Good luck I truly hope you make it.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Get professional help from a psychologist or therapist.

    You do NOT have to go on this way; you can learn to get beyond your childhood, and learn to cope with reactions to your condition.

    Not all women will reject you for it.

    But even if you never marry, that's NOT the only thing in life; it's just one aspect.

    You would realize this if you worked through all this stuff, and a professional could help you.

    Get that help.

    Call a suicide hot-line; they'll direct you.

    Here's one reason to live: to help rescue children from homes similar to yours, and help them cope with their experiences so they can live happy lives.

    What better reason could there be?

    No pick up the nearest phone book and make a call.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My, aren't we wrapped up in the self.

    You can get counseling which will help you deal with all your issues. Social anxiety disorder is highly treatable. (A family member has it and is still reserved, but thriving after getting help.) Self-acceptance and self-love are something we all have the right to, and you need to determine how to get yours.

    Get off line. Pick up the phone. Call the suicide prevention hotline where you live. They can get your started on a path to a life you'd hate to give up. Really. It can happen, to you, to anybody who's willing to work toward that goal.

    There are many people whose lives are a lot worse than yours, but you're not seeing them because you're so involved in your own misery. There are disfigured people who've had hideous, abusive lives who worked on their strengths, whatever they might be, and found happiness, even love.

    Be one of them. Get on the phone.

    Now, dammit.

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  • 1 decade ago

    A lot of perfectly normal people can't find love. Don't feel lonely. You never know what might happen next - that's what keeps most people going. Kind of like the movie Castaway - you never know what might wash up on shore tomorrow.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    pranic healing is my 1st suggestion

    in the west they treat illness from an emotional/energetic positioning


    become an artist

    it is about the only way to become strong enough to climb the pecking order

    the trick is to express emotions and sometimes what is learned from them in the art

    karma can be changed by helping people worse off than you

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sorry to see the unkind remarks.

    Life is about curiosity as to what the next day will bring.

    Use each day to increase the chances that the next day will bring you what you want, and it tends to show up eventually.

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