Some weird thoughts, forgive me in advance?

After I had bad experience and I nearly hated love itself. However, I said no no love has nothing to do with bastards, they go distorting its purity. But all what i decided is distrusting all boys from now on ... God knows how I was faithful and serious in my past relationship ... where all that turned out to be... show more After I had bad experience and I nearly hated love itself. However, I said no no love has nothing to do with bastards, they go distorting its purity. But all what i decided is distrusting all boys from now on ... God knows how I was faithful and serious in my past relationship ... where all that turned out to be directed to the wrong person!
My problem is that I adore babies and children but sounds that my dream is scattered now. Weird thought: I just needed to be pregnant and have a lovely baby but without any man touching me ... sorry, i need a baby but am hopeless, scared and so distrusting ... forgive my hallusination but am broken.

Thanks for listening.
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