請幫忙修改Cover Letter

With reference to your advertisement in the Jiujik on February 29 for the above position, I have enclosed my resume for your evaluation.

I am now studying higher diploma in information technology for business in Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education. And I am willing to continue my studying after I have finished my higher diploma. I know how to use various computer softwares for handling documents. Being attentive to details, I am able to work with people in any levels.

Currently, I am seeking opportunities at a potentiality company like xxx Ltd. to continue my career. I am confident that I can perform the job effectively to match your job requirements well and get variable experience from the job.

I have enclosed my resume for more details. May I see you at your office to tell you more about myself? Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

1 Answer

Rating
  • Rover
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    自己意見(因我都係搵緊工)如下:

    1. 你封cover letter無講明你係讀full-time定part-time, 所以唔知你係fresh graduate定邊工作邊進修. 應該寫清楚會好d.

    2. "I know how to use various computer softwares for handling documents", 比較口語化同顯得你的英文比較簡單, 而且亦講得好空泛, handling documents是指那類documents?我見議你可改為"I am well-versed in various computer softwares such as MS Office, Excel, Power-point, Photoshops....(寫自己適合用的)"

    3. "Being attentive to details, I am able to work with people in any levels", 你意思是你能與各階層人士都可融洽工作嗎? 個個打工仔都一定要跟唔同人士一齊工作, 好少工作係可以單獨一個人做野而唔需要有同事既. 我見議你咁寫: "I am convinced my strong communication and interpersonal skills learnt from college would be right to your position."

    4. "Currently, I am seeking opportunities at a potentiality company like xxx Ltd. to continue my career"其實無需咁寫, 跟本上係打工仔都想係大/好公司做, 另外, 如果你搵個間係大公司, 間公司自然係有potential; 如是細/中公司的話, 你又如何認知佢有potential? 除非你provide到公司前景証據, 就算有你亦不應提供分析的(除非你是應徵做financial analyst這類的post). 這是一個寫信毛病, 見議你不應這樣寫.

    還有, 你意思係之前一路都有做緊工作? 定或剛讀完書出來搵工做? 如你是剛畢業出來, 便不應寫"continue my career", 應改為"develope my career".

    5. " I am confident that I can perform the job effectively to match your job requirements well and get variable experience from the job." 個個打工仔都expect會如此, 這句很多餘.

    6. "I have enclosed my resume for more details. May I see you at your office to tell you more about myself? Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you", 太過口語化, 我見議你可改寫為:"I would appreciate the opportunity to interview with you to discuss my credentials at your earliest convenience. For further information relevant to my application, please contact me at 9876 5432 and xxx@hotmai.com."

    你句句說話都咁空泛, 內容又缺乏, 你應該係cover letter內強調你的強項, 又或一些特別的技能(如懂日文, 有車牌等), 這樣才可係眾多applicants內脫穎而出, 你應上網搵搵一些教人寫cover letter及resume的website, 對你求職好有幫助.

    唔好意思, 我係有個句講果句, 唔o岩聽都無法, 我都係希望你可以寫到篇成功既求職信

    圖片參考:http://tw.yimg.com/i/tw/ugc/rte/smiley_35.gif

    Source(s): 自已
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