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swoosh
Lv 5
swoosh asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Poetry laid bare, without the ornaments...?

Troubled day to day

By my emotional state,

What choice do I have

But my soul to contemplate?

Such empty feeling-

I pass the my days without zeal.

Searching hard within,

I am unsure what I feel.

Substance in shadow

Always waiting to be found-

What boy's crestfallen

Whose eyes hadn't left the ground?

That one precious spark

That lies buried deep inside,

Means the world to me-

My hope, my struggle, my pride.

--swoosh

Comments/ Critiques?

Update:

*my days* no the

4 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are way past the point where you need comments about rhyme, imagery,meter, etc. By this time you know quite well that your craftsmanship is always excellent.

    This poem's theme is identical to one that you offered a little back, i.e.: You present yourself as totally miserable save for your hope, struggle, and pride. Ironically, that's a very powerful and positive message. I relate so strongly that I'm not sure if that message is coming from you or from within me. I have been chronically depressed for most of my life - my first suicidal thoughts came to me about sixty years ago. Yet I'm still here, and have learned to live my life and even be happy while being depressed. I think that your artistic ability is a godsend. It may be what gets you through those grim and gloomy times. Thanks for reminding me about what's important and what is not.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    outfits are had to handle climate recently. i think 4000 years in the past masking one's self could be in a single's very own vested self activity to diminish down on issues like rape. recently if anybody went interior the nude--might take long earlier a penis, vagina, or breasts have been products of adamant activity. heavily-once you have been married for a while the seen seeing somebody bare does not generate particularly an identical activity it did once you have been childrens did it.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think it's very good. The struggle in a boy to meet the world? I like it.

  • 1 decade ago

    this is interesting...i like it! well done!

    Source(s): me! (: x
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