How do I deal with my boyfriend projecting anger with himself onto me?

I am in a fairly new relationship (5 mos.) with a man I love so much. We both have children, I have 2 boys, and he has a daughter. Up until this weekend everything has been almost perfect. He has been nicer to me and my kids than any man I have ever been with. Friday though, I picked up my kids and we walked in the front door and things were weird. The smoke detector was lying outside and there were candles lit up everywhere. I didn't see my bf, so I went back to my bedroom and cracked the door. He was passed out on my bed and had been watching an x-rated movie..and know. (I have to point out that I dont have any problem with this). I closed the door, hoping he would hurry and get dressed and come out. Well, about 20 minutes went by and nothing. I went in again, and he hadn't moved. I tried to wake him and eventually could, to ask what happend and why the smoke detector was outside. He was out of it and said "I burnt a candle" I left the room again hoping he would...


snap out of it and explain what happened. Well, he just came out of the room--went to the restroom, and then went back in and closed the door. I walked in and calmly asked what was going on. He got very angry with me and asked me "What do you want me to say?!". I said I just wanted to know what happened. He ended up at that point grabbing his clothes and bursting out the door. I was standing there sobbing not knowing what the hell happened. We talked, but he keeps saying he wants to die and he is so embarrased and making me feel like I am stupid because there is no way I understand how he has been feeling. He did come back over but has been very hostile towards me. What should I do about this?! I love this man, but he has depression and other issues. I am so lost and confused! : (

Update 2:

Thank you for your responses so far. I am seriously considering at least a separation. I do have to point out that this is very uncharacteristic of him. He has been such a positive role model in both of my sons' lives and stresses that they should always listen to me and respect me. He has gone out of his way so many times to help me and has truly SHOWN me love like I have never known. In past relationships, the men would tell me (lies) about how much they loved me...and then walk all over me. He has been 100% different. I feel like we are soul mates. This weekend has just thrown me for a loop though and I am stuck and don't know what the right decision to make is. I really appreciate all of the insight I can get. I also should mention that I am on medicine for depression. He says he wants to be but cannot afford it. He is 33 and has already lost both of his parents. I don't want to make excuses, but just give more info....sorry for the novel, lol

6 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    WOW! Have you considered going to human/social services to apply for medicaid? It might help pay for the medicine he so badly _-NEEDS-_!

    Counseling would be beneficial as well once he is on medication.

    As I've said in other posts I've written: Open honest COMMUNICATION -is- essential for ANY relationship to succeed!

    Is there a mental health/nurse hot line you can call for assistance.(advice)?

    Good luck Angel.

    "ALL You NEED Is LOVE!"

    THE B E A T L E S!

    Vincent Reagan

    "H A W K E Y E!"



  • Okay 1. He was trying to burn the house down and follow through with those suicidal feelings. or 2. He had a woman there (with candles) and was being very defensive about it. or 3. He has a chemical imbalance of some kind and either is off of his medicine or has never been diagnosed. People who are really happy, and then extremely depressed alot of times have a problem that can very easily lead to suicide. Talk to him about seeing a doctor. Make sure he knows that it's very common, but if not treated can be deadly and his daughter really needs her father. This is serious. He needs help.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well, you said it... he has issues!

    I'm not one for draconian measures, but I think you need to separate yourself from this guy... at least for a while. What would have happened if he had done this while your kids were in the house?

    He's clearly mentally unstable, and he needs help. I think you can offer to get him the help he needs, but if he keeps saying he wants to die, then, to quote a bad book title, he's not that into you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you should probably talk to him in a calm manner and talk about what is bothering him. If he doesn't want to talk, it is not a good thing for your kids to be hearing or seeing. But you are a mother, i know you know that.

    being who he is, he is not a good influence for your children.

    it depends if you want to be with him, but by how things are sounding, this relationship does not sound healthy for you or your children.

    i'm no mother, but I know that if my mother had to go through with what you are going through, i'd tell her to get out.

    sorry if this sounds so harsh!

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  • 1 decade ago

    you should both seek counselling to help sort out these issues.

  • 1 decade ago

    clearly he is unstable and for the sake of your children you need to distance yourself from him.

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