Perhaps yo may be able to help me with this?

We all become very attached to our loved ones. Even though we know of their, and our own eventual deaths, we really do not give this too much thought as long as we are all living. However, when death does occur, all of a sudden, and it knocks us out of balance, we seem to go into a very disconcerting state of... show more We all become very attached to our loved ones. Even though we know of their, and our own eventual deaths, we really do not give this too much thought as long as we are all living.
However, when death does occur, all of a sudden, and it knocks us out of balance, we seem to go into a very disconcerting state of mind. That of disbelief and shock.
Now, I have had in the last 1 and a half year 3 deaths in the family; my younger brother and 2 uncles who were very dear to me. However, a strange thing has happened to me : I have
retreated into a rather incredulous frame of mind, which seems to make EVERYTHING else, not seem real.
I can not reconcile the fact of these deaths with the fact they did occur, and to make things more complicated, I have become so afraid of any other deaths; my parents, my older brother, my nephews, that at times I simply go blank and stare at these people as if they were not real.
If you know any psychology could you help me understand this? I have made myself numb!
Update: You are all very kind to have offered all this information.I will admit that when I confess, (outside myself) to others what I trusted you with, I am really afraid someone is going to be ruthless, whether - intentionally or not, and scold me for appearing temporarily befuddled. I am usually strong and focused, but... show more You are all very kind to have offered all this information.I will admit that when I confess, (outside myself) to others what I trusted you with, I am really afraid someone is going to be ruthless, whether - intentionally or not, and scold me for appearing temporarily befuddled.
I am usually strong and focused, but these deaths one after another, have taken more than a toll from me!
All, good people, which keeps coming to my mind, is the last time I heard my brother's voice which he had left in my voice mail, when I was out ; he had just said : "Hi sis, Happy Buddha's bithday, 2,565 00 years...I'll talk to you Sunday, I love you, Bye!" or my uncle Bob who died 2 days after I'd called him to ask him what kind of brownies he wanted me to make him this time; cake like or moist? and he had answered in a really tired voice; the moist kind Greci.I like the moist. My other uncle passed away some 4 days ago in Cuba. All in all, I have been hit very hard. And I keep crying because I am so afraid
Update 2: Thank you also Chantol, I'd like all of you who have taken the time to write such heartfelt, compassionate responses to me, for I'm only a stranger..and yet, I feel your concern. I've read quickly through them, because I know that I have difficulty reading anything about Death at the present. Something... show more Thank you also Chantol, I'd like all of you who have taken the time to write such heartfelt, compassionate responses to me, for I'm only a stranger..and yet, I feel your concern. I've read quickly through them, because I know that I have difficulty reading anything about Death at the present. Something odd happens which is an optical illusion. I try to get very close to the print, but my eyes push all the words together so that each line is just a long arrangement of letters. So, IT IS true that I am avoiding confronting to find resolve to these three deaths in such a short time..And I know that I keep wondering, How Cruel, How Cruel..it doesn't make sense..I loved these people, and in the time it took from one moment to become the next, they were all gone! So that I wonder, if we know that death is a FACT of life, why does it impact us this painfully?-should I not have been more prepared? I blame myself for having forgotten how truly fragile and ephemeral we all REALLY are!
Thank you.
Update 3: I realize that this is unusual to do. But I am affected by others very deeply...especially when others I have never met - offer me their kindness. For then, for one moment of Assured transcendence, I feel that Friends I have known forEVER, have attempted as best they can, comfort me. Therefore I would like to offer... show more I realize that this is unusual to do. But I am affected by others very deeply...especially when others I have never met - offer me their kindness. For then, for one moment of Assured transcendence, I feel that Friends I have known forEVER, have attempted as best they can, comfort me. Therefore I would like to offer you, in gratitude a poem I looked into my box of favourites, because what you good people have done, was touched that part of me, which creaked a little upon opening - tonight!

'After great pain, a formal feeling comes
The Nerves sit ceremonious as Toobs
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or centuries before?

The Feet, mechanical, go round
of Ground, or Air, or Ought
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment like a stone

This is the Hour of Lead
Remembered if outlived,
As Freezing persons recollect the Snow
First Chill-then Stupor-then the letting go.'
Emily Dickinson.

This is what you speak of, is it not???

I can feel it a little.
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