? asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

英文演講稿.可幫我看有何錯誤嗎?

題:Friendship

Nobody can go through life without forming friendship.Forexample,friends can help us when we get into a trouble,when we feel sad,they can cheer us up. So we can't live without friends.

The real friends just like stars,when you lost in the dark,they can give

you a hand and some helpful directions. My best friends just like stars, w-

hen I was depressed on my test,they always cheer me up and tell some

jokes to me . When I play the ball game,I can always hear someone cheer for me loudly ,they are really my good friends and teamates.

Your friends may be castomers,teachers,or even your pets, but just

remember some important things:If you promise your friends,you can't

break them.Sometimes,when you play a ball game,try to make a perfect

assist,and your frinds will thank for you.

Finally,everyone needs frinds. as a saying goes "Friendship is a word the very sight of which in print can make the heart warm",our friends are very special gives for us to deserve to value forever.

我是國中三年級生,我要參加英文演講比賽,這是我自己寫的稿子,

希望英文高手們幫我糾正文法,哪些地方用詞錯誤或是流暢度,感謝各位!!

3 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    不論是何種語言,不論是何種比賽,一篇文章不能光從文法與用詞去考量,還必須從結構與邏輯去加強,這是我給你的建議.

    例如:你的第二句我會強調[a good friend]而不是[friends]因為[不會所有的朋友(如你於第三段所提到的customer及pet)都會help you或 cheer you up],只有好朋友才會對不對?故如果你的句子不能支持你的觀念,或是你的文章前後矛盾,就是結構不完整,就是邏輯有錯誤,則文法與用詞就算完美,也不能算好文章.

    我在去美國之前,別說英文,就是中文的文章也寫不好.但我碰到了一個好老師,他仔細的告訴我文章的[啟,承,轉,結].以下,我儘可能表達(因為他用英文教我,而我當時英文很菜).

    啟,是這篇文章的大綱,也就是你所要表達的[friendship].而friendship與friend稍有不同,你的第二,三,四段都是在說friend,並沒有把friendship表達完全.

    如果我是你,[啟]我會寫[友誼只有存在於誠心對待的雙方之中]

    Freindship is a relationship between friends. Some people may have relationship with others easier, such as customers or partners, but it should call businessship or partnership. A real friendship only existed when the party treat each other with thrie ture heart.

    承,在說明你觀念的由來,或以實例或以名人名言來佐證你的觀念.故我會把[承]寫為[以友直,友諒,友多聞,來交心而建立友誼]

    In Chinese culture, a good friends should be straightfoward, upright, and knowledgeable. Which means only a good friend can give you advice when you needed help, can forgive you when you did something wrong, and can guide you to improve your knoledge. Just like a mother to her son, good friend treat you with true love. This is the real friendship that I maintioned.

    轉,就是提出反面的說法,如有些人雖然也是朋友,如點頭之交,酒肉朋友,...教你翹課使壞的人,這些雖都不值得[建立友誼],但必須仍以[友直,友諒,友多聞]的方式,使他們改過向善

    結,就是結論,就要靠你自己發揮

    對不起,因我英文也不好,時間也有限,希望對你有些提示作用

    Source(s): 被美國老師教過作文的我
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  • 1 decade ago

    這是我的建議,請參考

    Nobody can go through life without (friends).

    太囉唆,建議改成friends

    For example, friends can help us when we get into (a) trouble.

    不用a。

    加(And every now and then) when we feel sad, they can cheer us up. So we can't live without friends.

    用And every now and then變成另一句,強調生命中不時會有的情緒起伏。

    The real friends (are) just like stars.

    like不是動詞是副詞,要加be動詞。

    (W)hen you (get) lost in the dark, they can give you a hand and some helpful directions.

    這是另一句,get lost是常用的"迷失"的寫法

    My best friends (are) just like stars.

    跟剛剛一樣,要加are,並且換下一句。

    When I (am) depressed (by my poor grades), they always (cheer me up with some jokes) .

    想要表現的是一般的狀態,所以用現在式,depressed要用by,而且是表現不好才會depressed,第三個括弧只要改用一個動詞就好

    When I play the ball game, I can always hear someone (cheering) for me loudly.

    建議感官動詞hear後面改動名詞cheering,因為比賽時有時候聽到加油聲,並不是全程都聽到,像欣賞音樂會那樣。

    They are really my good friends and teammates.

    換另一句

    Your friends may be (customers拼錯), teachers, or even your pets.

    But just remember some important things:

    換下一句

    If you (make a promise), (try your best to keep it).

    口語常用法

    (And when you play a ball game, try to make a perfect assist, and your friends will (be grateful).

    不能說thank for you,thank是及物動詞,常用法是be grateful

    第一句不適合寫在這,接著寫As a saying goes "Friendship is a word the very sight of which in print can make the heart warm",

    老實說,我沒看過這種說法,你確定這是一個英文諺語嗎?還是用翻譯軟體直接中翻英?看起來奇怪,文法更奇怪。如果你也不確定,建議你去找和朋友相關的諺語,替換這句。

    Everyone needs friends.

    Our friends are (precious treasure that we should cherish forever.)

    朋友是珍貴的寶藏,我們應該永久珍藏

    我覺得,朋友的重要性你的申論不夠,文章也不夠長,可以用提問法

    Do you ever feel sad? What do you do when you feel sad?

    還有With the support of my friends, I can be brave, confident and most important, not alone.

    既然是演講,那麼現場表現更重要,找親朋好友聽你演講,多幾次可以讓你比較不緊張。足夠的練習,保持笑容,你就成功一半了。

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  • 1 decade ago

    給你一點小小的建議:

    我覺得你第一二段寫得不錯~~

    尤其是The real friends just like stars 比喻得非常恰當 ^^

    可惜第三段沒有將主題更加進入...

    或許你可以用一個你很深刻的例子加以詳細描述,

    朋友(寵物)在生活中對你是如何重要...

    另外你說: If you promise your firends, you can't break them.

    你沒有解釋為什麼不能break?? (而且我覺得這一句也有小小離題了..)

    大致來說還ok~

    Source(s): myself
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