my 17 yr old has left home and school .. do I let her come back?
My teenage daughter is not a bad kid just making bad choices. I am being a parent to her by making her be responsible by staying in school, and if she wants a boyfriend she has to have a job as well. She has told me that she has smoked pot with her boyfriend and I have revoked her privliges of driving to pick up her boyfriend. I insist that she get a job so she is not so idol, and since she does not have homework after school. She came home from school and said she hates school and is not going back. With all the defience she has been giving me I gave her a choice to either go back to school or pack her things. She packed some things and started walking(not at bf,s). Her exboyfriend called me & said she is fine and she will be home in a couple of days. My question is do I let her come back or make her stay away a little longer. I feel I should not let her back, and let her wear out her welcome where ever she is at. She does not have any money & this might make her see things clearer.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
no matter what age you should always b able to come home...she's just being rebellious and trying to find her way...let her come home and sit and talk with her abt whats going on in her head and let her know that running away from her problems just makes things worse and harder...i went through this same stage of not wanting to talk but just running away from my problems....she is to old i agree to act so immature...she knows what u expect of her and she knows right from wrong....give her your rules and expectations and although it may be hard give her some space..at least you can see she is honest with you abt the things she do....Source(s): communication is the key.....Good Luck!!
- hmmLv 51 decade ago
I think moms and daughters just have the worst issues sometimes. Ugh... I'm thinking back to my teenage years... If you don't let her back into your house, I'll bet you never see her for at least the next six months to two years. I can almost guarantee it actually. If my parents had turned me away I would have lost it, and they would have seemed very evil. You don't want to come off as evil, it's very hard to forgive or understand someone that you think is genuinely evil. I think it's silly that you made her get a job just because she got a boyfriend, that is ridiculous... If you want her to have a job, then fine (although in my opinion she will probably just meet more dirtbags to date, ever seen some of the teenagers that work at your grocery store? I think she's better off without a job! Why risk early "burnout" at some shitty job when you're only a teenager? UGH) Anyway the fact that you are basically punishing her, a young lady one year away from legal adulthood, for having a boyfriend, is very silly. That you must be able to see. Let her come back home, let her go on dates, just make sure you know where she is and give her a curfew. Easy. Good luck! And most importantly realize she is growing up and should be dating now. If you "punish" her by adding conditions to having a boyfriend, she'll end up keeping it a secret and that is much worse.Source(s): I'll bet she is a very smart girl, a lot of times the kids who hate school the most are the most intelligent ones. Switching schools may be the answer, it worked for me too. I was focused on finding my way around for a few weeks rather than how much I disliked and disagreed with my teachers! Lol
- 1 decade ago
That is a pretty tough choice even in my eyes. It would make perfect sense even to me to let her stay away a little longer that way she can see what it's like when you don't have a job or an education and have to fend for yourself. BUT, on the other hand where she is currently staying could possibly be letting her get into even more problems.
Let alone that she is just a teenager but even at seventeen she should still already have the knowledge to know that you are only wanting what is best for her.
Reality checks are really hard on people sometimes but it is possible that this situation is just what she needs to learn. Besides, it isn't like it's a situation you have absolutly no control over. She is still your daughter, you still have parental rights over her and most importantly that at the age of seventeen she is considered a runaway and can be picked up by police and brought home if you wanted to. And I have seen how quickly younger people come to their senses after a ride in the back of a cop car and an hour or four and a station.
I know my approach to this seems a bit harsh but both I and my brother were worse than that at seventeen. We both ran away as well and we refused to go back home, 2 months later after none of our friends would let us stay with them. We wore out our welcome with everyone we knew because we wouldn't work or go to school. We were picked up by police for being runaways and sat at a station for 4 hours the shipped back home. After that both of us straightened our act up.
Your daughter doesn't want to know what it's like to have all her friends tell her that she needs to go home, have her boyfriend have to try and support her and I can almost guarantee to that won't last long. To have everything she THOUGHT she had figured out come crashing down and be left with nothing but the knowledge that she was tragicly wrong.
At that low point she will see that the only person that wants the best for her and will support her and that was completely right about everything they tried to tell her was you.
Tough love isn't always the answer but is there when you need it.
- 1 decade ago
She is probably hanging out with the wrong person. But if I were you I would let her come back only if she makes the right choices in life because when she gets older she can make the bad choices and she could lose someone or something due to that.
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- pegasisLv 51 decade ago
well, there maybe some things going on that you are unaware of. When i was in high school i had a really hard time. Getting picked on is not fun, but when someone recks your reputation, you dont recover. I know that for me it was best for me to go to another school. perhaps there is a school she can transfer to. Sometimes kids need a break. I took six months off and refused to go back until my mom found another school for me to go to. Sometimes this helps. Maybe you can talk with your daughter about how to make things work. Perhaps, she is pregnant and is unsure what to do. dont jump to conclusions, just offer love and understanding.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I agree with nicole - strongly.
When you set the rules, be certain she understands they ARE rules. Prior to that you must decide what is cost/punishment for breaking rule, and tell her initially.
I wish I could remember the name of the book and/or author. He is on PBS often.
Anyhow, he said (I will NEVER forget): "A family is not a democracy".
Oh, it is coming to me: Wayne Dyer or Dwyer.
Be tough! Sometimes tough love is all that will work.Source(s): BTDT
- cipotliLv 41 decade ago
age 17 is so immuture.allow her to come home.this makes her to respect u more.
first two days dont speak too much but after wards
explain u r views and makes her understand the
necessaity of education and money
- fire36angelLv 41 decade ago
i also agree with nicole, you need to set some rules if she comes back. furthermore you need to discuss punishments and actually stick to them. also you should talk to her and find out what's going on, because there may be something you don't knwo about. if she won't talk to you, see if she'll talk to a counsellor or something. sometimes just talking helps.
- nicole cLv 51 decade ago
when she tries to come back you need to sit down with her and lay down some ground rules. i think that's your best bet for making some progress. if she's wanting to come back home (and you haven't let her know that you want her to) then she should be open to the rules you want to set for her.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
you did what you could but i think you should let her back home. she is your daughter. she seems like she is insecure and needs someone to be there with her.